Originally Posted by
applefat
First of all let me preface this with the fact that I am a 22yo male, but I do not particularly consider myself a naive person nor naive internet user. I am fully aware of the danger that online relationships with strangers can pose. But I know that we all get fooled in these matters at some time or another.
Fair enough.
Originally Posted by
applefat
Now anyway a couple months back I got a message on Facebook from another user that basically looked like a piece of spam from an unknown 26 year old female user. It basically described herself and how she was looking for a long term relationship and gave her IM contact. I sent a reply basically saying that her account might have been hacked, since I cannot think of a reason somebody would want to solicit a random stranger in that way except if they are up to no good. Other than that I didn't think much of it until recently when I decided to IM this person out of curiosity. Maybe this was a mistake.
Okay, so a random girl sent you a message saying that she wants a long-term relationship. Perhaps, you will explain the situation further in the following paragraphs.
Originally Posted by
applefat
I IM her, and immediately she starts typing out her biography. Her mother is dead, then transferred to and was raised by aunt, later who died of cancer. Says she is an American in Nigeria working a nurse addressing AIDs/HIV, and has another year before she returns. Soon she starts telling me how she loves me and when her term is up she wants to relocate to where I am and marry me. I'm not kidding!! All of this comes from a total of maybe less than 2hrs total online contact! She claims that it was love at first sight, and I guess it must have been, since all she could have seen at the time on Facebook was my profile picture! Now I must add that while I do not consider myself ugly, I have NEVER felt that I was particularly good-looking and am in fact generally self-conscious about my appearance.
You greeted her online via IM and she immediately started typing out her biography? She's in Nigeria and you are in the United States. You haven't even met her and she says she wants to marry you. Everything she knows about you is from your facebook profile I'm guessing.
Also, you are saying that you have self-esteem issues. I'm guessing this is linked to why you have been spending so much time thinking about this.
So, you're basically saying that you are thinking about some girl who wants to marry you from Nigeria that has only talked to you maybe once or twice on Facebook. Come on dude, seriously? This isn't an obvious red flag situation for you?
Originally Posted by
applefat
I do not react to any of this strange behavior. I'm not an asshole, but I promise nothing and I tell her up front that I don't trust people I meet online in the way that she apparently totally "trusts" me. Basically I was trying to find out what her game was.
Good. Not trusting people you meet online has nothing to do with being an asshole. You're just being safe especially when someone emails you on facebook from another country saying they want to marry you.
Originally Posted by
applefat
So I look around her Facebook page. There's not much there at all, but almost all her friends at least appear to be African. He has what I can only assume to be pictures of herself on there too, and they are all basically glamor shots. She is honestly pretty, assuming it's actually her.
How can you be sure that that is actually her? Ok, so she looks pretty, big deal. I get the point that you think she looks pretty. You know nothing about this person. It could be a dude for all you know.
Originally Posted by
applefat
So today more in this vein. She is never on for more than about an hour, and only every few days. Her computer appears to disconnect every 30 minutes or so. She sends to me ("because she loves me") a couple of what are basically slutty pictures of her (I assume her!!) . Not nude, but clearly glamor shots bringing attention to her body.
I'm concerned that you are putting this much effort into thinking about this. I really fear that you will end up meeting this sketchy person. Have you heard of the Craigslist killer? I suggest you read about it.
Originally Posted by
applefat
So these were my initial thoughts:
1) she's actually a man, or some kind of predator in general
2) she's trying to play some kind of nasty game, and possibly with more than one person
3) her story is true, but she's got some kind of personality disorder or emotional problem
1) Yes, there is a good chance that she could be a man or not be who she claims to be.
2) Yes, probably. Maybe, she is serial killer or is a craiglists-killer-wannabe.
3) Yes, she probably is nuts. I mean she wants to marry you before she even met you.
Originally Posted by
applefat
At this point I should also mention that I'm wanting to be in a relationship. Not desperate exactly, but I am serious in my effort. So I guess that the only reason I'm even talking to her at this point is because I believe that (3) is at least semi-plausible.
Wow, you are way too trusting. I fear for your safety. I really do. For spending so much time thinking about this, you really don't have a clue.
Originally Posted by
applefat
Any thoughts in general? Should I just totally disengage and run for the hills???!
Honestly, I'm worried about you. I'm worried about you because I fear that you will be preyed upon by many women. I don't mean to sound mean or anything, but you could have thought this through a little better.
To answer your second question, YES, RUN FOR THE HILLS AND DON'T I MEAN DON'T LOOK BACK! In the future, please, don't be this naive.
I will do my best to reply with an educated, humble and honest answer. Ultimately, it is up to you whether you want to listen to my advice or ignore it completely. Sometimes, my advice may be wrong; occasionally, it will be right. Regardless, I want to do my best to give people answers they are seeking.