What Do I Do?

[Euro]

Ill give you an overview first of my situation. Me and my boyfriend have been together 14 months, and I love him and I know he loves me too. I would die for him if I was asked.
We both have mental health problems, but I am more able to cope with mine than he is.
I want to be with him, so please dont say to dump him. I dont want to run from him, we are in a relationship and I want to stick it out through the rough.

Basically, he is 33, unemployed, living in a shared house payed for by his parents. I know and understand why, and its fine with me for now. He has no goals, no ambition and has only left Britain once (when he was 15) and so thinks within 4 walls. Travelling is my life, If I was told I could never leave Britain again it would destroy me.
Im hoping to be cabin crew too.

He is a wonderful man, he is kind,caring,attentive,loving,generous and many other good things. I love him more than anything in the world, but Im so confused.
Im young, I have many dreams,places I want to go, things to try, and Im always dreaming of my next adventure.

Its frustrating and upsetting me, because we are so similar in every other way, but in ambition we are so different.
He has no life. I do.

The Differences are so big, but I love him too much to leave.
I just want him to have a life, have a job and have friends, I want to show him the world and all its beauty. But how can he do that when he cant think outside of 4 walls?

Its hard to be with him, but I cant be without him. Ive told him that I will support him with whatever he wants to do, and that if he wants help Ill do my very best to help him.

What would the people on this forum do?

I feel so miserable and confused

[devonbrown]

Unfortunately, individual ambitions sometimes cause difficulties for two people who really do love each other. If you give up your life and career goals for him, I am afraid that you will wind up resenting him in the long run. And I am sure you do not want that.
You mention there are mental problems involved in both of your cases. For that reason I would suggest that you seek some assistance in your relationship. Perhaps couples therapy with a therapist who is familiar with the type of problems you two have.
Your love and support for him are great things and it may be the type of thing he needs to help get beyond his "four walls" as you call them, but you have to be patient. But your love and support is possibly not enough alone. That is why I am suggesting some additional help.
I do wish you good luck though. Stay true to yourself. All of yourself, including your dreams and ambitions and love and care.

[ticojett]

You have to be completely honest with yourself and him... Tell him how your really feeling, encourage him ( baby steps ) to try something new. Perhaps joining the local gym. Help him build confidence in himself and perhaps he'll start to believe in himself and want to experience new things... i know it's tough, especially when you love someone so much, but sometimes letting go is the best thing you can do... It might be your only option..... good luck...

[Dean Kaplan]

Being compatible ambition wise is important. I have a few friends that are ambitious who have significant others that don't understand that way of thinking, so it holds them back from being productive. You can't help who you are and your ambition level, if your significant other prevents you from being who you are you will be even more miserable than you are right now.

[xxazurexx]

I couldn't be with someone who was poles apart from me - who didn't want the same things from life that I want.

I'd suggest parting the ways....otherwise resign yourself to a life of sheer boredom, for which you will end up greatly resenting him.

[Raze]

Don't believe the saying opposites attract. That's complete bs.

Research supports the claim that birds of a feather flock together.

[RockNRoll]

Do you want to change him? It's never a good idea. To be honest, he sounds really boring, but he might be happy with this, because people tend to do things that make them happy. It's his life and his choices, you can't make him more ambitious - it's something that comes from inside.
You say that you want to stay with him and don't want to hear advices to leave him. So the only thing that is left for you - to accept him as he is. And find the way to do things like travelling on your own or with someone else (friends/relatives). Is there anything that you can do together at all?! It seems sad that you can't share experiences with someone you love.

Did you speak with him about how it makes you feel? What does he say?

Just something to think about: You should not feel miserable. And you have been living your life somehow before you met him - so don't say that you can't be without him.