Do men hurt as much as women after a breakup?

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Me and my ex dated for a year and some change. He was my first boyfriend, and I was his second after a 4 year on and off relationship with his ex. He broke up with me.

Near the end of our relationship, I had suspicion of him cheating with his ex. He said he visited her two weeks before our breakup while I was on vacation and he now speaks to her regularly after the fact. I haven't had contact with him for nearly a month. I have no contact with him now (no phone number, facebook, etc.).

He broke up with me via phonecall. He also said he felt no need to contact me, although he sometimes may have wanted to.

I know our relationship was his first mature relationship and he claimed he never felt for me like he has anyone his entire life. Also, the sex was incomparable. Even after the breakup, he would still claim he loved me. But he hooked up with someone else two days after we broke up. He's also speaking to other women.

I was severely depressed when I was with him. I am recovering and happier. Also, he was emotionally abusive toward me. His fuse became shorter and shorter and he became increasingly frustrated with me for no real reason. I did, too, but kept patient toward him. I also know he was kind of an emotional mess before the breakup.

I've accepted the situation for what it is, but I just what to know-- am I the only one hurting?

I'm dating other men. Trying my best to keep a smile on. But this question festers inside and bothers me.

Please and thank you.

[Yet another guy]

Just as much, I believe. How do you know how he feels about your brakeup?

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Just as much, I believe. How do you know how he feels about your brakeup?

Edit:
We had 3 conversations after the breakup:
1: I want my shit. Angry. I spilled stuff on his DVDs out of anger because I thought (and still do) think he cheated on me.
2: I'm sorry. I forgive you. I want you to be happy.
3: I want my ****ing closure. You were so rude and inconsiderate how you broke up with me and it's sad you think we can still be friends after the way you ended things. You can go and **** yourself yada yada yada "Have a nice life."

And then I never contacted him since. When looked me in the face in class during a final, I ignored him and just smiled and looked happy. That type of thing... And that was the last time I saw him, had any contact with him.
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I don't know. That's why I'm asking you guys. lol

I think we're both happy to be out of the relationship. But I do feel, in my gut, he will regret the fact the he took advantage of my patience with him and that it will come around to bite him in the ass when he realizes just how faithful and committed I was to him. (Which I was probably shouldn't have been, but I take this relationship as a learning experience. Whereas he probably looks at it more as a failed relationship.)

[Yet another guy]

Oops, I somehow read that you asked "how am I the only one huring"

Whether he is hurting or not and how much, does not depend on his gender but how "happy" he is to be out of the relationship and how deep his feelings were towards you in the first place.

It's better not to dwell on it. You weren't happy in the relationship and it's over now. Forget about him and his feelings.

[xxazurexx]

I think it depends upon if they 'really' loved a woman, as to whether they hurt or not. Obviously and if a guy ends it with a female he wasn't 'that' in love with, then it isn't going to hurt as much as if he'd truly loved her. Men who get dumped, are likely to hurt more than men who did the dumping I reckon and because the ones who got dumped likely were not looking for the relationship to end nor ready for it ending.

Sometimes I guess that people can end things, but not necessarily because they want to end it, but because they feel they don't have a choice for whatever reason. In which case the dumper can hurt as much as the dumped party.

Sounds to me, I could be wrong, that you may have been a rebound of sorts. Your ex came out of a long 4 year relationship with his ex, he got involved with you, yet he never quite got over his ex, which would perhaps account for his abusive behaviour towards you. The guy may have been confused between you both, been feeling guilty for still carrying thoughts of his ex...you got the backwash.

Only he knows how much you truly meant to him.

One thing is for sure though, if I came out of a relationship and he got together with someone else 2 days later, I'd be thinking I'd meant sweet eff all to him and despite what he said. But then some people deal with breakups and by getting involved elsewhere immediatley. Did he get involved with you so soon and after his breakup with his ex???

I think you are well shot of him if I have to be honest. He's obviously a guy you can't trust and won't ever be able to trust.

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Oops, I somehow read that you asked "how am I the only one huring"

Whether he is hurting or not and how much, does not depend on his gender but how "happy" he is to be out of the relationship and how deep his feelings were towards you in the first place.

It's better not to dwell on it. You weren't happy in the relationship and it's over now. Forget about him and his feelings.

Touche. Maybe it's better not to dwell.

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I think it depends upon if they 'really' loved a woman, as to whether they hurt or not. Obviously and if a guy ends it with a female he wasn't 'that' in love with, then it isn't going to hurt as much as if he'd truly loved her. Men who get dumped, are likely to hurt more than men who did the dumping I reckon and because the ones who got dumped likely were not looking for the relationship to end nor ready for it ending.

Sometimes I guess that people can end things, but not necessarily because they want to end it, but because they feel they don't have a choice for whatever reason. In which case the dumper can hurt as much as the dumped party.

Sounds to me, I could be wrong, that you may have been a rebound of sorts. Your ex came out of a long 4 year relationship with his ex, he got involved with you, yet he never quite got over his ex, which would perhaps account for his abusive behaviour towards you. The guy may have been confused between you both, been feeling guilty for still carrying thoughts of his ex...you got the backwash.

Only he knows how much you truly meant to him.

One thing is for sure though, if I came out of a relationship and he got together with someone else 2 days later, I'd be thinking I'd meant sweet eff all to him and despite what he said. But then some people deal with breakups and by getting involved elsewhere immediatley. Did he get involved with you so soon and after his breakup with his ex???

I think you are well shot of him if I have to be honest. He's obviously a guy you can't trust and won't ever be able to trust.

To be completely honest, he was madly in love with me when we began dating. But I became really depressed and upset in the relationship because he pretty much sucked the life out of me. Me being outgoing, having friends, having a business, etc. bothered him because I didn't have time for him. Fast forward five months, I'm no longer in the partnership, not recording music, I don't go out and I feel like I have nothing. Not even him at this point. I actually brought him ALONG to recording and business meetings because he would throw tantrums that we didn't spend time together.

I never felt as strong for him as he felt for me, imho. It tools me longer to feel for him than it took for him to feel for me.

It was like 6 months after his final 'goodbye' to his ex. I remember him saying that he was only talking to her because they wanted to go to prom together since they were high school sweethearts. Has sex. And that was the end. They didn't speak almost 8 months prior to that.

People who know both me and him don't think I was a rebound.

I've entertained the idea that I was a rebound. And I do feel that way. Which probably means I was. And which could probably explained how harshly he dumped me 2 weeks after speaking to his ex. Something probably clicked where he realized he didn't want me. I knew I didn't want him, but I didn't know how to go about it since I was his little bitch at that point. I actually tried to break up with him in person 2 months prior to our actual breakup, but he wouldn't let me. He cried like a girl.

[Boisdevie]

Men hurt as much as women when it goes tits up

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Men hurt as much as women when it goes tits up

Fingers crossed you read the thread. lmao -_-

[xxazurexx]

To be completely honest, he was madly in love with me when we began dating. But I became really depressed and upset in the relationship because he pretty much sucked the life out of me. Me being outgoing, having friends, having a business, etc. bothered him because I didn't have time for him. Fast forward five months, I'm no longer in the partnership, not recording music, I don't go out and I feel like I have nothing. Not even him at this point.

I never felt as strong for him as he felt for me, imho. It tools me longer to feel for him than it took for him to feel for me.

It was like 6 months after his final 'goodbye' to his ex. I remember him saying that he was only talking to her because they wanted to go to prom together since they were high school sweethearts. Has sex. And that was the end. They didn't speak almost 8 months prior to that.

People who know both me and him don't think I was a rebound.

I've entertained the idea that I was a rebound. And I do feel that way. Which probably means I was. And which could probably explained how harshly he dumped me 2 weeks after speaking to his ex. Something probably clicked where he realized he didn't want me. I knew I didn't want him, but I didn't know how to go about it since I was his little bitch at that point. I actually tried to break up with him in person 2 months prior to our actual breakup, but he wouldn't let me. He cried like a girl.

I dunno then. Perhaps he ended it and because he never really trusted that you loved him, like he loved you.

Sometimes people can end relationships and for the dumbest reasons. I've heard of people even end relationships and because they assume their partner will eventually leave them for someone else...so they leave before it happens.

I know one thing. I'm a believer in that if someone really loved you, they will come back eventually. Whether you take them back is another matter....but they return nonetheless and if the love was true.

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I dunno then. Perhaps he ended it and because he never really trusted that you loved him, like he loved you.

Sometimes people can end relationships and for the dumbest reasons. I've heard of people even end relationships and because they assume their partner will eventually leave them for someone else...so they leave before it happens.

I know one thing. I'm a believer in that if someone really loved you, they will come back eventually. Whether you take them back is another matter....but they return nonetheless and if the love was true.

Honestly, that sounds pretty reasonable. I know we just needed space, too.

And SCREW THAT! lmao I ain't taking his ass back for shit!

Thanks, girl. <3 I really appreciate your in-depth response. It makes me feel better about everything.

[chica]

I think that men probably do hurt as much as women, but they try to hide it, or they try to mask their feelings through hurtful actions. I went through an experience that was somewhat similar. In high school, I dated a guy pretty soon after he got out of a relationship (but it was only about five months). We feel in love, but then he started talking to his ex-girlfriend "as friends". He broke up with me after 8 months, and his ex and him almost immediately became a couple. I relate a lot of the personality traits of your ex to my ex too; he was clingy and "sucked the life right out of me". I also had a lot of friends, enjoyed spending time reading, drawing, playing music, etc. But he couldn't be by himself without going crazy. I realize now that it was a toxic relationship and I"m glad to be out of it. I realize that "true love" isn't clingy and doesn't feel intimidated by you having your own life.

So anyway, in my experience, this guy seemed extremely happy when he started dating his ex. I felt completely betrayed and depressed. But later on, when he realized that his girlfriend didn't listen to him and help him and wasn't as loving toward him as I was, I think he felt depressed as well. This guy based his self-worth off of his girlfriend's actions towards him and has the "I can't go two seconds without having a girlfriend" syndrome. Perhaps your ex is the same way. I think that he does hurt, but perhaps he is trying to hide it. Or maybe he still has you on the back of his mind when he's with his new girlfriend. He might be emotionally tangled between the two of you.

But from the sound of it, this guy seems like he's not emotionally mature and that you're happier without being in the relationship. Take it as a learning experience Now you can find someone that you can share your happiness with.

Unfortunately, I've seen a lot of guys act in really immature ways after serious relationships end. Guys, why do you do this? (Not all of you, of course. And I know women can act like this too). But I've also seen guys getting out of very long relationships and immediately hooking up with women, verbally abusing their ex, spreading blackmail, mercilessly flirting with girls and posting it on facebook to try to make their ex angry or hurt....It seems like their willingness to move from their ex to a new fish in the sea portrays the message that they didn't care about their ex enough to RESPECT them to give them the time to move on. When you break up, most people have to have a "grieving" period because they've lost a special person in their lives. Do men not go through this or do they go through "denial" where they try to hook up with women to forget about their exes? Could it be possible that women enter the grieving stage immediately and men try to avoid it as long as possible, until it comes back like a boomerang, "Wow. I really miss this person." (Even though I think relationship hopping like this without fully grieving for the person and emotionally moving on causes a LOT of emotional baggage that can't be healthy). What do you guys think?

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Oh, and I"m a girl; sorry for posting in the "Guys" thread XD

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I think that men probably do hurt as much as women, but they try to hide it, or they try to mask their feelings through hurtful actions. I went through an experience that was somewhat similar. In high school, I dated a guy pretty soon after he got out of a relationship (but it was only about five months). We feel in love, but then he started talking to his ex-girlfriend "as friends". He broke up with me after 8 months, and his ex and him almost immediately became a couple. I relate a lot of the personality traits of your ex to my ex too; he was clingy and "sucked the life right out of me". I also had a lot of friends, enjoyed spending time reading, drawing, playing music, etc. But he couldn't be by himself without going crazy. I realize now that it was a toxic relationship and I"m glad to be out of it. I realize that "true love" isn't clingy and doesn't feel intimidated by you having your own life.

So anyway, in my experience, this guy seemed extremely happy when he started dating his ex. I felt completely betrayed and depressed. But later on, when he realized that his girlfriend didn't listen to him and help him and wasn't as loving toward him as I was, I think he felt depressed as well. This guy based his self-worth off of his girlfriend's actions towards him and has the "I can't go two seconds without having a girlfriend" syndrome. Perhaps your ex is the same way. I think that he does hurt, but perhaps he is trying to hide it. Or maybe he still has you on the back of his mind when he's with his new girlfriend. He might be emotionally tangled between the two of you.

But from the sound of it, this guy seems like he's not emotionally mature and that you're happier without being in the relationship. Take it as a learning experience Now you can find someone that you can share your happiness with.

Unfortunately, I've seen a lot of guys act in really immature ways after serious relationships end. Guys, why do you do this? (Not all of you, of course. And I know women can act like this too). But I've also seen guys getting out of very long relationships and immediately hooking up with women, verbally abusing their ex, spreading blackmail, mercilessly flirting with girls and posting it on facebook to try to make their ex angry or hurt....It seems like their willingness to move from their ex to a new fish in the sea portrays the message that they didn't care about their ex enough to RESPECT them to give them the time to move on. When you break up, most people have to have a "grieving" period because they've lost a special person in their lives. Do men not go through this or do they go through "denial" where they try to hook up with women to forget about their exes? Could it be possible that women enter the grieving stage immediately and men try to avoid it as long as possible, until it comes back like a boomerang, "Wow. I really miss this person." (Even though I think relationship hopping like this without fully grieving for the person and emotionally moving on causes a LOT of emotional baggage that can't be healthy). What do you guys think?

I think you're spot on, my dear.
My ex isn't with anyone, atm (not to my knowledge). And his ex-gf is in a relationship. If she breaks up, maybe they'll consider a future together.

Regardless, I assume he's in denial and trying his best to forget what happened. Because he would normally acknowledge his actions toward me. I guess when he thinks everything through he'll realize just how harsh the way he broke up with me was.

Eh, he can go and **** himself. He's a great guy, but he can still go and **** himself.

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You guys are really thoughtful. I really appreciate it. =]

[Yet another guy]

Unfortunately, I've seen a lot of guys act in really immature ways after serious relationships end. Guys, why do you do this? (Not all of you, of course. And I know women can act like this too). But I've also seen guys getting out of very long relationships and immediately hooking up with women, verbally abusing their ex, spreading blackmail, mercilessly flirting with girls and posting it on facebook to try to make their ex angry or hurt....It seems like their willingness to move from their ex to a new fish in the sea portrays the message that they didn't care about their ex enough to RESPECT them to give them the time to move on. When you break up, most people have to have a "grieving" period because they've lost a special person in their lives. Do men not go through this or do they go through "denial" where they try to hook up with women to forget about their exes? Could it be possible that women enter the grieving stage immediately and men try to avoid it as long as possible, until it comes back like a boomerang, "Wow. I really miss this person." (Even though I think relationship hopping like this without fully grieving for the person and emotionally moving on causes a LOT of emotional baggage that can't be healthy). What do you guys think?

Again, I don't think that is gender related in any way. Reading these forums, women do that kind of crap a lot. Hooking up with a new partner right after break up is usually worse for the new partner than the ex though.