Hurt. Sad. Lonely. Depressed

[elijah121]

So i posted here early on my situation, *NEED A GIRLS Opinion! How should i carry on Pls help". Today was the first day back to classes and my ex is in my class, she said hi to me then walked away and sat somewhere else. We had a class with no classroom on our schedule and i told her i am going to find out why, she said we have no class trust me and i said thanks but i'm still going to check. She came down and ask me and i said no we dont have class, and thats all the convo we had. When we walked in i know she was nervous seeing me because she hit the blinds in the class and got stuck lol. But it Hurts to see her in my class. I try to act like i am alright and i am happy, but its so hard. All i do at home now is think about her and the new guy she is "dating". Please someone help me on what to do.

[tom84]

forget about her. She left you for another man, and they are probably have sex. Do you really want sloppy seconds.. Find someone else.

[elijah121]

LoL. No they not having sex, i know that for sure. She ain't the type of girl, was a virgin before me. Were both like 24. But yea i hear you find someone else, but 4 months of seeing her everday, shit. How to act, how to be to move on? Cold hearted, Nice, Don't approach her unless she approches me? Hard to ignore someone you been with for 2 years, and we always been in the same classes for the past two years both doing Registered Nursing. ??????

[BrianaBlue8902]

Our of curiosity, how old are you guys, and how long have you been together? How many relationships have you had? I would like to know if you don't mind, and I'd like to offer my opinion then. =)

[elijah121]

I am 24, she is 23. We been together for 2 years. I had 3 serious relationships, she had 2 before me. !!!

[BrianaBlue8902]

So you're college students. You've had serious relationships. This makes it easier to level with you because we're around the same age. =P I can understand it's really difficult to get over someone you were with, especially for two years. My current boyfriend was with his ex for 2 years and he ended up trying to go back to her (this is before we actually were a couple, but we WERE seeing eachother). Even though he claimed he was crazy sexually attracted to me, and he wasn't to her, even though we had chemistry and they didn't, I was everything he wanted, but some part of him wanted to go back.

The thing is that, relationships often end for a good reason. And in a sense I will tell you what I told him and it helped him move on. You have to analyze why things went wrong in your relationship. Was this a mutual breakup? Or did she leave you? It's normal to feel situationally depressed, even moreso when you were the one that got dumped.

What I would say is you can do one of two things. Either A.) Try to stay away from her as much as possible, if you feel you're unable to get over her and the pain your breakup has caused you. or, B.) Try to develop a friendship. And DO NOT try to pursue ANYONE else until you're sure that you're always fine with it being that way. Because what happens if you get with someone new, and she comes back into the picture?

Try to think critically about the bad things in your relationship. The reason we have so much trouble moving on, even from bad relationships, is because we cling onto the good memories. Even bad relationships produce good memories over time. This makes it especially difficult (like in my boyfriends situation with his ex) when you had a good relationship with the other person.

It's a difficult thing to do, but at times you have to put your logic before your emotions. Emotional decisions are often destructive or impulsive. They can also be good decisions, but it's good to be reasonable when it comes to relationships.

If you were completely happy and it ended and she went to someone else, and you're thinking "what the hell is wrong with me?" That's also normal. Try not to. Know that you are a wonderful person worth loving. There are billions of people out there. Give yourself time to move on, work on being the best you that you can be. This might have a strange effect on her. It may make her desire you again. You never know. But I wouldn't hold your breath.

I also would NOT recommend trying to get her back. If she's with someone new, his feelings are involved. (I say this because my boyfriends ex DID try to get back with him before he decided to go back, by sending him flowers, cards, heart-felt letters, emails, texts, calls, IMs, she would sit outside his apartment for 3 hours waiting to get into the gate, etc... She tried to seduce him once)... Now, with this in mind you can understand why I'm not really crazy about their current friendship that he -needs- me to be ok with. Trying to get an ex back after they've started something with someone else is self-destructive and hurts a lot of people in the process.

Just understand that what you're going through now is a common feeling given your situation, and you will pull through. People always say that. But once you actually make it to the other side of your emotional hurdle, you'll feel stronger, because every negative situation in your life you've been able to overcome.

The healthiest thing to do is to use this experience with this relationship, and note the things you did and didn't like, as I'm sure you did that with your previous relationships. It sucks. I always hope the new person I'm with will be "the one" and that they won't just be another "experience" that I have to learn from. But such is life, right? What did you have in this relationship? What qualities will you want in another relationship? Were there ever things that made you think "if I ever get with someone else, this is something I'm looking to avoid..."

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk more =)

EDIT: I might also add that there is always the possibility she didn't completely lose feelings for you if she fumbles that way still. But the awkwardness may also depend on the nature of the breakup... Was it a clean split?

[BrianaBlue8902]

By the way, it's awesome you're in registered nursing. I actually recently passed my NCLEX-PN (I'm an LVN, not working yet) but I was "kind of" seeing someone in my nursing program for a short while.. I can DEFINITELY understand the awkwardness. What made it more strange for him and I was that it was kind of a secret thing. No one in our class ever knew about us, although we didn't have a relationship we had a friendship... I remember our first "experience" seeing him in class that point after was different!!

[elijah121]

TRIED PM but i need 15 posts or more. !! Thanks your advice is wonderful. I can get over her i know i can, I just can't get over the fact that it was all so different one day, and the next its a whole different story. I can't get over the fact that she is dating this random guy. That's what hurts. When we broke up 3 months ago, I was strong, I stopped calling her/ talking to her, and then when she realized she is loosing me she clung on and called me all the time, to sleep on the phone with her and spend time with her. At that time i told her i don't care to talk to you i don't care if you never call me it doesnt phase me WHY because i knew that she wasn't with someone else that's why it was easy for me. Now i look at myself 2 steps behind her, her with her new life and ambitions and me still stuck on the old life, and waiting just for the moment that she would call me, or talk to me. I remember telling my sister about five months ago that i don't want to be with her, i'm not happy, but i can't break up because i don't know what i am going to do without her or by myself. I am strong enough to be her friend, Only on a school level not a personal life level. I want to actually, But i don't want to be the one to go out of my way to talk to her if she goes and sits somewhere else when clearly i left a seat for her. Every single class together 3 days a week, i couldnt change so i asked her too so that it would be better for both of us. She said she doesn't care if im in her class, and she likes her schedule and she isn't going to change it.

[elijah121]

Yes it was a clean split up. I was very mature and respectful, i just wanted to ask her why the sudden change, And she told me why. Fighting and arguing, she loved me but the love started to fade away because of this. Too much insecurities, When we drank we both always ended up fighting. She said to me wow, i sound so mature now, i thought you would be calling me a hore/slut because i am dating someone else. I said no, i really don't care i just want to know why for myself. I told her be careful and be smart, a guy who picks up girls at a club is a guy who picks up girls at a club. She said no he seems to like me and he hasn't tried anything yet. He doesnt have time for bullshit, he works 7 days a week and goes to school 2 days. Then i stopped her and told her please i don't need to hear about your personal life, you moved on really fast and i'm not saying i'm not talking to anyone right now i am but not in the way you are proceeding but thats just me. Then she said if you want to go out on thursday for your birthhday which is tomorrow then that's cool, and i said we will see what happens. But the way she is acting. I don't know, i really dont. YEA i LOVE RN!! it's amazing. Me and my bestfirend (a guy) are the only two guys in the class and we make the best of it! It's a great learning experience and I love to help people. I want to give back. I just dont like the theory part of nursing to much assignments, but anatomy, patho, psychology, english. I love it.

[IncognitoSir]

4 months......thats not long at all. Your in college! Go enjoy yourself, lord knows I did lol.

[red_sparrow]

girls are evil ... .. . heh

[elijah121]

Today, 2nd day in class, i have clinical, she came up to me and she said we have the same classes so you must know which section i am in, so i told her yea section 22. That's all. She made a new friend this girl, they getting along cool, she seems happy and smiling. Me and my best friend are in the same class which makes it easier. But i do find myself looking for her on breaks just to see her face and in class i try to catch a glimpse or too. I don't understand why? Well i been playing it mad cool. We walk out the class at the same time, and i just go my separate way, I respond if she talks to me politely, and if she doesn't talk to me then i don't bother. The most i will say is hi if i cross an award path in the hallway.

At times, i feel used, like a dirty tampon, tossed away and replaced with something new. I did my all for this girl, even my mother wants to give her a piece of her mind. I am not going to be the GO TO guy, i refuse. She has 3 sisters and they always tell me to grow a spine and stop doing all these things for her, like my school was 2 mins from my house and she lived 20 mins away so i would pick her up everyday and take her to school, and she was ALWAYS LATE NO MATTER WHAT, The least amount of time i waited outside her house was 20 mins in our 2 year relationship. I slept on the phone with her every night for 2 years, took care of her when she got hit by a car. Fuk i'm 24 and i was acting like a child to make her happy. Yea she did things for me also, but i guess she just grown tired of fighting, and she said she is 23 so let her be 23, she don't want no commitment.

I dunno, some days it's harder than others, Especially seeing her, especially seeing her! Seeing her smile and make jokes and txting. But in a way it makes me stronger.

[elijah121]

3rd day of class, Bumer. She walked right behind me and didn't even say hi, i guess she get's the vibe i don't want to talk to her. It's hard. She is laughing alot and txting, most likley her guy she is dating. Sucks that i have to see this, Some asian dudes try to pick her up today in class and she punked them. Before i left class i went up to her and i asked her if she picked up her student loans, she said no not yet i told ehr i am going next week early so if she is going txt me. she said ok. Didnt look at me in the eyes for a second. I told her have a good weekend and bye. I dunno if i was wrong for going up to her and talking to her infront of her new friends. But something came over me. Can someone please read this and respond to me. I feel like i could actually finally shed a tear from the first day we broke up i never cried. I hate seeing her happy and moving on so fast, 2 weeks ago we were best friends, now we don't even talk. Sorry but this is my place to vent and let my feelings go.

[Sonrisa]

if i were you i'd go to a different school, transfer to different classes, avoid her at all costs.

[elijah121]

that not an option, nursing is hard to transfer, to many students.