broken hearted in mid life!

[Puppyeyes]

I know I am a little long in the tooth to be feeling like this, (early fifties) but I am a married woman who lives in England I have 2 grown up children 25 & 22 and a husband who is retired & 13 years older than me so that might explain why I have fallen like I have, empty nest syndrome, mid life crisis etc.I fell for a man last year and I don't seem to be able to shake off my feelings for him, I've virtually wrecked my marraige & spent nearly a whole year becomong more & more depressed & unable to move on. The man i fell for has moved away and we did try to get in touch again but his wife found out & emotionally blackmailed into lying to him. She rang me at work after finding out from checking his phone bill online that he had contacted me & then begged me not to tell him she had rang me, as she was threatning to throw herself under a train I found it difficult to refuse, she begged me to ring him & say I had rung her & i was never to talk to him again. I am heartbroken at losing him & heart broken for having to lie to him, I did ring him a couple of weeks ago hoping he would be at work and could talk but he was at home so it was difficult to say much. He was a little suprised I had rung & I don't know what she actually told him in the end. All I could utter was that I still loved him, pathetic! He said we would have to give it up for the sake of our families & I said ok because I knew he was only stringing me along really but I just couldn't let go & I still can't. It's easy for people to say forget it & move on & I am trying really I am but when you fall later in life it's harder to forget & it all feels more painful because earlier in the year when he was still workiing in my town his wife blackmailed me into telling my husband about our friendship, so my husband knows all about it & it's hard to hide my pain from him. We never actually made love but we wanted to,we did actually mange some kisses & cuddles. His wife found out about the relationship fairly early on and I tried to keep things back but he was always around & just kept coming back at me & i was just so vulnerable, especially since my own marraige hasn't been intimate for some years. [I] had also I might add been through a difficult time with the death of my Father & severe depression of my Mother & also with ill health with my husband. I know it all sounds classic and I am recieving counselling to help my depression and Ihave days where I think I will be ok but I still have an emptiness inside me & I always return to thinking & holding onto this man. It's almost as if we are linked together in some way & almost fear that I will never be over him, sometimes I feel desperate!! Any tips out there or has anyone been through something similar, any words of encouragement would help, thanks for reading this.

[joolstears]

Sorry this is late just joined the forum today....I am in same situation too...has yours worked out ok ?

x

[josh44]

Hi and welcome.