Obsessive Girlfriend

[crazykid1989]

I'm new here, and just looking to get some personal opinions to fit my situation. I promise I'll try to make it as short as possible.

Anyways, my girlfriend & I have been dating for about a year and a half. I am thinking of breaking up with her and it's not because I don't love her. I truly love her with all my heart and would never cheat on her or anything of this sort.

When we first started dating it was great...I would go see her every weekend pretty much every Fri, Sat, and Sun. Some days I'd go ride my dirt bike or hang out with friends then go visit her or visit her then go do whatever. We'd go to the movies, camping, fishing, bowling, etc.

Now, it seems like she has become controlling over the past few months here. (Almost as if shes following in my ex-girlfriends footsteps.) She doesn't trust me anymore and I never did anything to deserve it. We still do pretty much everything we used to do, except maybe changed a few restraunts we frequently visit. She doesn't let me do anything without her...she must be present all the time. She checks my phone all the time, yells if I text friends who she dislikes (even if they aren't female). She won't even let me go out drinking with my friends, or do anything with them for that matter. She isn't 21 yet, but most the places I drink she can get into as long as she don't drink. (Friends with owners) I can't invite my friends to go out to eat with us or go the amusement parks or nothing, but she can invite hers. Most of my friends no longer even associate with me. I went to a concert with my sister a few weeks ago (her friend bailed on her and my sister gave me the girls ticket) and then my girlfriend texted me nonstop....I guess to make sure I wasnt with any girls or something? (I didn't even get to enjoy Avenged Sevenfold! )

She also questions my past atleast once a day. She doesn't understand people around are age have atleast had sex or relationships with other people. I had a 1 serious girlfriend. We dated 3 years and my girlfriend always asks weird questions about our relationship. Things about how we had sex, and what kind of things we did. She always asks if I used to do this with my ex-girlfriend. I can understand maybe a question or two, be geez I feel like I'm under going a police interrogation! She also asks about my other friend who we never quite made it into a relationship before she went back to her ex, but we had sex. She also asked about stuff dealing with me and her a few times as well. Also, every girl I know from high school (since I live in the same town, I see them frequently.) is my "girlfriend" or I want to be with them.

The hard part: I do not want to hurt her....but if she is going to keep me locked up all the time I want out of the relationship. I get along with her parents very well, she gets along with mine...she even lives with me and my mom. If we didn't live together this would be much easier I think. I just feel bad about making her move back home (which is 30 minutes away) because she moved in with my mom and I to be closer to the college and also she is working up this way. She always writes me cute things, notes, etc. She even made us a scrap book. I buy her flowers once in awhile & take her out to eat constantly (every night on the weekends, sometimes for lunch and dinner!) She also always takes about marriage. Where shes from, out in the country they all get married like right out of high school for some reason. I am from a small city/town and around here we don't get married like it's nothing. Most people here get married around 24-26. I am not ready to be married yet and I don't want to break her heart by telling her that. I told her maybe in a year or 2, but if she's going to continue to be this way I don't think I want to marry her.

I am looking for the best way to go about this without hurting either of us, but that's basically impossible so alteast try to make it as least painful as possible. I thought of maybe just start doing things that I used to do, like hang out with friends and such that used to be ok with her....and if she don't like it maybe she will just get fed up and leave me....that don't seem like a good idea though. Any advice is appreciated.

[INTJewel]

Controlling and obsessive? A deal breaker for me.

Decide if you can live with it, cuz it ain't gonna change.

[Petit Papillon]

Geez thanks Especially today I needed a post like this. It's like I would listen to my boyfriend telling me not who to become I sometimes feel like doing such things, but then I remind me all those threads on LF saying how big mistake it was and I stop myself Really thanks

And to your situation... I don't know if there is any way to not hurt her ... You could try ,first, telling her exactly what you told us. But from your lips it will not sound enough bluntly... Try maybe your sister? If another woman tells her, it will get to her faster, that what she's doing is pushing you away.
If you don't feel like there is any way to make her change, you just have to call it quits. It would hurt anyway, no matter if she would live with you or not . Now you choose

[Raven_Skye]

Make it clear to her that if she keeps this up she'll lose you. She won't change by herself, if at all. Tell her how much this bothers you, and that if she can't trust you, she shouldn't be with you. Honestly, if she makes effort to try and change then, it's good, but don't count on it. Might sound harsh, but girls like this rarely change. Would drive me crazy to be with someone like this.. and that's no way to be in a relationship. So. Dont think about all the reasons not to tell her, think if you can keep up living like this. Tell her, and if she won't change, break it off.

[kitkitkitty]

i think you've left it a bit too long to tell her yourself... if it comes out now it's months and months worth of things. so do as petit papillon said and talk to your sis, if you're an only child talk to your mum. i personally couldn't live with someone like that for a week let alone a few months but you love her, i understand. where has all of this come from though? even if it's the tradition where she was born, getting married after just 1 1/2 years is a bit silly IMO.

[crazykid1989]

Thanks for the input guys these replies are great advice!

I agree after 1 1/2 is silly thats why I don't want to get married yet, maybe if I knew her all my life but I have known her only for a year and maybe 8 months. Plus I don't think it's healthy she gets upset atleast every other day over dumb things. Like she gets mad when friends of mine that I've known since elementary school leave comments on facebook...it's such a childish thing to get mad at. I think she used to have loose views about everything the first few months so I wouldn't break it off before I got too attached. I love her to death, but I hate to see her upset (especially over nothing) then she makes me upset cause she wont talk to me at all. She must have it set in her mind that I'm going to go back to my ex or something, but definately not. Sad thing is, this is the same reason I left my girlfriend of 3 years. Seems as if shes following in her foot steps.

[londonlad1]

Search obsessive love in google. It seems like your girlfriend isn't in love with you, she's obsessed with you. You are an addiction. When you're away from her there's actually a chemical reaction (withdrawal symptom) in her brain.

She feels the need to control you because of a lack of trust. It's sad to say but her greatest fear is being abandoned. Her behaviour will be a self fulfilling prophecy and ultimately you will have no option but to break up with her. In this state she can't think rationally, she's right and you're wrong. As you feel trapped you're more likely to strive to become more independent which will make the situation worse.

If you think it's bad now wait until you break up. The situation will only get worse and in cases could become nasty. You need to talk through this problem with her and ideally she needs to see a therapist.

[NeedAnswers]

Everyone needs their own space, tell her that and make sure she understands it.

[reeba]

Anyway 1 of three things is happenning.
1. She is very unhappy in the relationship and is acting bizzarre to get you to break up with her. But I find this doubtful.
2. She is insecure in the relationship, and controlling you is the only way she can think of to force the relationship to continue. Why is she insecure. Because either she is unhappy about something, she in unsure of her status/future, she is unsure of your happiness.
3. Her true self is starting to show. You said she didn't do this in the beginning. Of course not. At the beginning everyone is on their best behaviour.

My guess is she is frustrated with her non marriage/engagement status. Either put an engagement ring on her finger with a wedding date of 18 months from now and see if her attitude changes (if she is really like this she won't be able to hide it for 18 months), or tell her to move out now. Her goal is to be married, and you are preventing this goal to happen by dragging out a relationship you don't really want. How is she to find someone else when you keep leading her on with MAYBE in 2 years.

[Petit Papillon]

Two of those things happen:
1.This thread is old
2.The one who bumped it ,stinks .

Thread closed.