All she ever has to say is IDK

[Bennyzilla]

Story: I delivered pizza to this girl 3 years ago and had to call her number on the ticket because I couldn't find her house. When I got there it was an immediate attraction, but she was 16 at the time and I was 19. We began texting a lot though and over the course of 2 years became awesome friends. I moved to Chicago to go to school and she stayed in my hometown. We had our ups and downs but we were always there for each other. While I was away she got pregnant from one of her bf's who was a total loser (that's another story - he's not around in any way) She was so afraid to tell me because she thought I would stop talking to her because of it, but instead it made me realize that despite all that I still wanted her in my life. I realized that I was in love with her and wanted to be more than friends. We kept talking, she had her child, and began moving forward with her teenage mom life. Eventually she revealed that she was in love with me too and we began dating. We dated long distance for 4 months, with me driving back from Chicago (bout a 3 hour drive) at least once a month and lots of calling and texting. I moved back home and things were even better. We became even closer and were even talking about moving together to a different town when she finishes her Gen Ed's at the local community college. One day while I was at work though we were texting and things went really bad. She said she didn't feel like she could give me what I wanted in a relationship right now and that she needed space. I did just that and left her alone. She would text me every now and then saying things like "thank you so much for putting up with this, just give me alittle while longer and then I'll be your forever" so I kept waiting. It's been almost a month since we've broken up now and things have gotten so weird between us. Her friends tell me she's been talking to other guys and has been acting really strange towards all of them as well. It's really strange because everyone in her world is upset with her for not being with me, and I don;t think that it;s helping my case at all. Anyway now were in this game where whenever I push she pulls away, and whenever I pull away she starts to come back. It's really killing me to keep putting up with it. I've been moving on and have applied for a better job that would allow me to go back to school, been working out on a regular basis, and have re-immersed myself in my friends and hobbies. But at the end of the night she's still all I can think about. The other day she asked me what was wrong when we were talking and I said I don't want to make things weird between us, she said that I could never do that and so I opened up to her. I told her that I realized the things that I had done to push her away (She felt like I didn't appreciate the time that she had to give me, which, between work, school, and her child wasn't much. Because of that she stopped hanging out with her friends to make time for me, and as a result began to resent me for it.) from me and that I understood what she was thinking when we broke up, but that I still wanted to be with her again very badly. All she could say was I don't know.

We were such great friends before and we were an awesome couple. I never would have made it through school without her support and I know she feels the same way about me and her pregnancy. We've been through so much together and now it just feels weird. I don't want to let her go because I know there's still feelings there from both of us, but she is just so unsure of what she wants. I know that is normal for an 18 year old girl, but she's had to grow up so fast because of her child. I hate the ups and downs but I really don't want to put an ultimatum on her and lose her. I've been through this situation before and the answer was to just cut contact and let it go, but this feels so different. I'm not desperate or depressed. I'm continuing on with my life. I don't beg or plead with her, I'm very confident. It just feels so much like there's more story to tell between us. I've never been so sure of something.

Obviously I cant express how close we were through this message without making it ten times longer, but just know we were like two pieces of a puzzle that fit together perfectly. She

[smackie9]

She's too young to be in a commited relationship let alone be a mother. She still has a lot of growing up to do because it's not easy raising a child, alone or otherwise. She has a lot on her plate, and has to think about making better decisions now with a child involved. It's kinda crappy to lose out on the best years of your youth, so she needs to hang onto whatever freedom she has left.

[Bennyzilla]

Yeah, I've come to understand that. I always wondered why wouldn't she want someone who is so willing to help her with money, her child, and school. I've made it very clear that I would be more than happy to do all these things. I think it has alot to do with the age though. I just don't want to go no contact on her and make her feel like I don't care anymore because I really do, but at the same time I feel like our relationship now is awkward and painful and cannot continue. How can I let her go but make it clear that It's not what my heart really wants, but what I think she wants for right now?

[AlanaKurzinjek]

You've explained everything here. If you don't think she'll mind, maybe you could show her this thread or rephrase it in a way that can be spoken to explain your conflict. I just hope she can see your good intentions for both of you. But why would you have to cut contact? You could still be friends if you ever need each other for guidance I suppose. And is the child she's pregnant with yours?

[SelflessnHumble]

How do friends have ups and downs? A friend supports their friends and that's that.
Instant attraction, yet you two were only friends, and she has a failed relationship in which she brought a baby into this world with a loser?

What do you think being in love means? It's more than infatuation btw.
People LOVE to make excuses why things can't be the way the other wants them to...
You want her: she don't want you. She texts you: and uses you via these childish and immature texts, "wait for me" and "a little while and I'm yours forever"

So...ask yourself: did it happen? Are you two together?
Her priority in life isn't you and the fairytale relationship...it's her baby.
Her baby needs a stable and secure environment in which to raise him/her. The baby needs the father to father the child.

Saying "I don't know" is indicative of people that don't know what they want because: they don't know.
They are immature, inexperienced and lack common sense to know how to feel and know how to convey their emotions.
In my universe she doesn't want to flat out tell you: I don't like you and we'll never be together because she's afraid of losing you
not as her love' but as a support mechanism...Being friends doesn't mean you're attracted to them either. Also consider she may like to want to be wanted.

Last, you've fooled yourself into thinking it feels different.
It's all the same: You meet, instant attraction, you become infatuated, you become "in love" (yet don't ever get together from your story) she
bangs another dude because you weren't around, nor you two were just immature and didn't act on your feelings/thoughts and emotions for one another (not love)
and then here we are: she strings you along, then when she sees you pulling away: she says, "Oh shit, he's leaving!!!!" Oh noes! -Do you see?

She doesn't know what she wants and her reaction is obvious: she likes you, doesn't love you. You two have never experienced love from my point of view.
Love is so much more than your story presumes.

[Bennyzilla]

I'm sorry if it was unclear. We were together for 9 months officially. When i was driving back and forth we were together, and when I moved back we were as well. She got pregnant while I was at school and we were not together. At that time we were just friends. The instant attraction was there, but neither of us made a move. I was leaving for school and neither of us wanted to try to make it work at the time. But over the two years of being away but talking daily we grew much closer together emotionally. I feel like I need to back off now because I believe that she really doesn't know what she wants. While I on the other hand, do. I want to be there for her and act as the father of her child. We were dating when she(child) rolled over for the first time, took her first steps, and said her first word. I have a very strong emotional connection to them both, but she makes it seem so much like were not on the same page.

[Bennyzilla]

UPDATE:

Well I just tried to talk to her and she totally blew me off. So I explained that I didn't want to have to end it, but that it was unfair that everything was seeming so one sided. I said if she ever changes her mind I hope she doesn't hesitate to try to contact me, and maybe I'll still feel the same way I do now, and that I hope she can be happy because it's all I've ever wanted for her. I know this is going to be hard but it wasn't fair to me. I still feel like shit right now though.

[SelflessnHumble]

UPDATE:
I said if she ever changes her mind I hope she doesn't hesitate to try to contact me, and maybe I'll still feel the same way I do now, and that I hope she can be happy because it's all I've ever wanted for her. I know this is going to be hard but it wasn't fair to me. I still feel like shit right now though.

This was a big mistake, but what's done is done.
Saying "if you ever change your mind" means she might just call you up on that, and use you once again, then when it is convenient for
her she will again drop you when you aren't a challenge. Of course it hurts when people don't reciprocate...but this is life.
How you handle change is the true meaning of life because shit will hit the fan -it's a constant.
Taking the right steps will have you avoiding the shit to hit you in the face. It's not easy, but moving on means not looking back.

[Bennyzilla]

Does the idea of if you love someone set them free, and if it's meant to be they will com back to you apply at all? I'm moving forward but if months, years, from now she decides to reciprocate those feeling and at that time I am open to it-am i foolish for allowing that to happen?

[MerryH]

I think you did the right thing. It's one thing to say "I'll wait for you forever," it's another thing to say "Call me if you change your mind, maybe I'll take you back." As long as you're moving on with the assumption that you'll never get that phone call, I think you're fine. Just promise yourself that if she calls, you won't drop everything for her, and you'll think really hard about what her motives are for wanting you back (lonely? broke?) before considering it.

Props to you for not just waiting around for her. It really wasn't fair to you. You'll feel better soon.

[SelflessnHumble]

Thing is: she doesn't know who she is or what she wants.
IF you want to be with someone like this? (even in the future?) Go get em tiger.
She's a lot of growing up to do and you have to stop being so naive about people, just an observation.
In the end you choose what to do.