Help with Girl I'm seeing please.

[MattyA]

Hey, first off it's nice to be here, thanks for having me lol.

I'm a university student in England, I'm in my first year, 24 years old and have known this girl (she's 19) since mid September last year. She'd been in a pretty long relationship (15 moths) with a guy who's a complete cock. It turns out that he'd been lying to her about his age. He said he was 29, when he was actually 39. Needless to say she got rid of him (this is at the beginning of December).

They day after she'd dumped him, I messaged her on face-book saying I thought she was a great girl and I was thinking of her, she said that means a lot and thank you.

She then took a week off from Uni so We didn't chat at all at this point.

the week after she asked me if I was going to a local club that night. I said no but that it would be great to have a drink with her at some point. Over the week she texted me again about school work (I could tell it was just to be flirty). So I texted back and asked her out for a drink that Friday. She said yes.

On the Friday we went out and got pretty drunk, it was great, we hit it off and ended up kissing etc. I saw her again many times over the next couple of weeks before we broke up for xmas for 3 weeks, all seemed great.

We were apart for 3 weeks over xmas, we texted every day, all seemed so well, she told me she felt down about her ex, and that she was in love with him etc. But it seemed like I was making her happy.

After the holidays, she came back, and we hooked up and played pool and went for a few drinks, again this was great. Except she developed a sinus infection over the holidays and wanted to go home early. We went cinema on the Monday (after she cancelled it on Sunday) and it was good but her sinus infection caused us to go home early, she apologised and I said it wasn't her fault.

She then came into uni on Tuesday, wasn't very chatty, kept holding her head etc, said the sinus infection got worse, I gave her a lift home instead of her having to wait for the bus (I commute into Uni, while she lives in halls/Dorms), she still seemed pretty affectionate and gave me a kiss etc.

On Wednesday, she texted me saying she wasn't up to coming into uni, said she felt like shit, I replied back saying if I could at least see he after for a hug etc.. She didn't seem too keen, so didn't push it.

Wednesday night, she rings me up, saying her ex boyfriend (not the older guy, some guy she dated when she was 14, means nothing to her) was passing through and had come for a chat (because he'd gotten his girlfriend pregnant), but his car had broken down, and if i could drive up and jump-start it. I got a little upset and asked her why people were visiting if she was sick, and if she was still serious with us because her texts to me had died down over the past few days, she took a lot of offence to this and we had a bit of an argument via texting afterwards. I said sorry and that it was totally my fault etc, she said it was okay...

ever since that night we have hardly texted each other and she has blown me off every time i have tried to come over or do something with her. She tells me she's depressed and feeling really low because of her ex, and her face-book posts all seem really depressive, she's changed her profile picture to a picture of a cup with 'half empty' written on the side lol, and makes posts like "when did this become me", and "thinkin' I belonged there" for her status. Obviously in reference to her boyfriend. she tells me that me and her are okay but she's not. And she wishes she could just be more carefree and just be with me, and that she hopes I don't feel led on (which i do).

I said if I'm making things worse maybe we should be friends for a few weeks, and that I think she's perfect for me and if we feel like this about each other we'll be together in the end. She said thanks for being so supportive and caring and it meant loads to her, and agreed to be friends.

And that is where we're basically at now, that was last Saturday when we agreed to be friends, and have barely texted and not called each other. I'm scared if I reply to any of her depressing status's on face book, she'll feel like I'm smothering her. Also I want to text her more, but she's taking a good 20mins to reply and I feel like I might be pissing her off, but then I also get worried i'm not showing her enough affection. I want her to get over her ex, but don't want to be led around and get my heart broken lol. Anyone got an opinion on this? Sorry for the long post, appreciate anyone whom reads it.

Matt

[johhnymac]

Sounds like you're being played. She probably heard back from the ex-boyfriend and she developed the sinus infection excuse to get you away while she saw him.

She's still pining for him. She still has feelings for him. Falling for a girl who clearly still likes someone else is asking for disaster. Don't think that you can win her over as the "good guy" who is willing to support her while she gets over someone else (or worse, is still seeing someone else). Move on to someone else.

[xxazurexx]

Sounds like you were the 'rebound' guy I'm afraid.

Bad move and to get to know/try to get involved with females, who are fresh out of relationships.

Obviously she isn't over him, he's back on the scene and she doesn't have much of a need for you anymore.

But she's sorta keeping you around....and incase things don't work out with him.

[MattyA]

Sounds like you're being played. She probably heard back from the ex-boyfriend and she developed the sinus infection excuse to get you away while she saw him.

She's still pining for him. She still has feelings for him. Falling for a girl who clearly still likes someone else is asking for disaster. Don't think that you can win her over as the "good guy" who is willing to support her while she gets over someone else (or worse, is still seeing someone else). Move on to someone else.

sorry man that was a different guy, didn't make myself clear. appreciate the time tho. yeah playing the nice guy is never a good idea though ffs, I always find my texting etc comes off too effeminate, that worries me too.

[xxazurexx]

playing the nice guy is never a good idea though ffs...

Perhaps her ex is a 'nice' guy too.

And whether you were a nice guy or a bastard, if a female is still hung up on a certain guy, no other man stands a chance with her.

She didn't ask you to see her through the bad times....you chose to be there for her.