Is she really ok with me doing this (to/with her)?

[Raven_Skye]

Well, I think the line between friendship and love is getting blurry here, You might say you would say no if she'd offer sex, but I think that's a bit of denial. My ex and his sister were VERY close, they shared all discussion topics you mentioned, they had no secrets, and when it came to talking they were every bit as close as me and my ex then.. but they never snuggled like that. They hugged when one of them felt down (mostly my ex's sister), but they didn't just snuggle up close or cuddle or ending up putting one of their heads in the other's lap. That suggests a want to be more physically close than platonic relationships have. So I think, there's denial here. One, if not both of you want to be closer, even if you two don't realize it yet. Or, possibly, you're just seeking to be closer to someone when you can't be with your gf. This is dangerous. Trust me, I know. Physical closeness is like a drug, when you cna't have it one way, you'll seek another. It's not fair to Anne, if she doesn't really know what's it all about, and trust me, you'd have to be really clear to her about what you want or not, because she could end up feeling more for you than she wants, knowing you have a gf.

But I think the closeness you seek is more related to gf/bf than siblings.. the person who said she has a brother she is physically closer with than I'd be comfy with, is that brother much younger? My brother's 2,5 years younger and we never as much as hug. Or even touch, much. Eek.

[Petit Papillon]

I would be extremely upset and bothered if my bf did something like this with his friend. Maybe it's not sex or even making out but it is beyond the limit of my patience. Now, you shouldn't worry about what your friend thinks, you should worry about what are you even doing with her. Would you feel good if you knew that your gf is "so close" to her male friend? That he's putting his head on her lap and is so friendly with her? I don't think so. You're slowly heading towards cheating on her ,at least mentally. It's not good what you're doing to her. You should think about finishing one or the other relationship cause it's heading nowhere.

[Sean89]

[...] but you still sort of spit in the faces of people who took the time to share their opinions. You could be a little better about it next time. Good luck with your situation, though.

I'm really sorry, I just get slightly verbally aggressive if I feel misunderstood. I'll try to be more neutral on that, thank you as well, and sorry to everyone, I don't mean to offend you in any way.

Although you may see your relationship with her never developing into a romantic one, is there any chance that she might? It could explain why she was nervous when you first did it? I was really close friends with a guy which everyone including him thought of it as a sibling kind of relationship, but I didnt want it to be like that.

Well, back then it was actually her who started calling me brother (and herself my sister), and she often tells me how awesome it would be if we were blood-related siblings, thus living together to have more time to spend with each other... so I don't, nor did I ever lost a thought about her seeing our relationship to delevop into a romantic one.

I should perhaps add that we, in most cases, only cuddle when we're talking about melancholic topics, like family problems, personal problems or feelings. She often puts her head on my shoulder.

I mean, I did ask her several times and she told me it wouldn't bother her at all, I just wanted to collect opinions of women, who would tell me why they would behave this way.

So summing up my core questions: 'assuming you would agree, why did your answer seem slightly nervous', or, 'would you agree letting your childhood friend whom you see as a sibling cuddle with you although you're uncomfortable with it, and why' and, an if-case-question 'why didn't you say you felt uncomfortable though you usually are so straightforward'.

So I think, there's denial here. One, if not both of you want to be closer, even if you two don't realize it yet. Or, possibly, you're just seeking to be closer to someone when you can't be with your gf. This is dangerous. Trust me, I know. Physical closeness is like a drug, when you cna't have it one way, you'll seek another.

I'm skeptical of myself (or my psyche) wanting something without me realizing it, but, in this post here I wrote that she wished we were real siblings so we'd have more time together, so actually she does want to be closer, but not in a romantic way, it seems to me. I mean, 'born as blood-related siblings' she said. I, on the other hand, told her, that, if we were born blood-related, we wouldn't want to spend much time together like we do now, as our 'relationship' would have developed in a different way.
Also, it seems to me that you imply, or think, that I seek her (physical) closeness. Thing is, I just feel like it when she's next to me and we're being melancholic or so. I don't miss her all the time if we didn't see each other for a while. Of course I do miss her sometimes, but not the way I miss my girlfriend, for e.g..
However, I will definitely keep your thought - the denial - in my pool of possible explanations to this whole situation.

It's not fair to Anne, if she doesn't really know what's it all about, and trust me, you'd have to be really clear to her about what you want or not, because she could end up feeling more for you than she wants, knowing you have a gf.

I'm assuming that she knows I don't, and I assume she doesn't want one either (she's having dates with other guys, so...yeah).
I never thought of having a romantic relationship with her, so I'd feel really really strange if I had to say this to her (I guess you would also feel strange if you had to say this to your brother).
Do you think I should nevertheless directly tell her that I don't want a romantic relationship with her?

[...] Would you feel good if you knew that your gf is "so close" to her male friend? That he's putting his head on her lap and is so friendly with her? I don't think so.

If that male friend was a friend she knew since she was a little child and she met very regularly over 15 years, no romantic incident ever since, still preferring me over him when we both are present, I would say without doubt, that I wouldn't feel bad.
I trust her 101%.

You're slowly heading towards cheating on her ,at least mentally. It's not good what you're doing to her. You should think about finishing one or the other relationship cause it's heading nowhere.

I will keep that in mind. Thanks.
Thanks to everyone who responded so far! I appreciate it.
Also, excuse me if I sound rude, awkward or strange; I'm not a native speaker, so I'm kind of limited in my choice of words. I don't mean to offend anyone.

[workoutgirl1970]

If you are doing this but don't want to have sex with her, why not and what is wrong with you or her? She will get mixed signals and you are just being a tease. If a guy did this to me I would instantly think that he wanted sex and if not then he must be gay.

[jayilla]

exactly MerryH.


dont ask for advise and then defend yourself when its something you dont want to hear.