Advice.

[Punani]

Hi, I'm 20 years old and I'm currently in a relationship. I met my girlfriend (whose 21) my first year of college. Things weren't so great when we first met. We had a lot that had happened between us yet we some what worked through them. Before I left for college I had a girlfriend at home. I cheated on my last girlfriend for my current and that caused a huge amount of problems. Eventually I broke up with the girlfriend from home and some what dated my current. However, and I personally don't want to type all this out but I'm sure it has a large part with how things go on now. I was her first and used her a lot. I was probably one of the biggest dicks you would hear about. However, she stuck with me and we were on and off. After my first year during summer I had somewhat of a "epiphany" I guess. I realized how much she stuck with me through everything and still to this day I haven't been more grateful to anyone else (other than my family of course). So we started over and called it our "official" new relationship. Since that day I have constantly been trying to change every aspect of myself to please her and to be honest because it has made me a better person. We both are now pre-med students and we live together. We spend the majority of our time studying and what not yet we still have our fights.

Actually, as I type this now we are arguing. We've been arguing over the tiniest stupidest things. And while I don't think I'm wrong, she does. Here is an average lay out of my day: wake up, drive to school 30 minutes away, drive back to her apartment, we eat, maybe go work out or take a nap, and study till we get tired. She has been complaining that I don't wash the dishes BEFORE she asks. Personally I think she's being a nut case about this because when she asks 95% of the time I do it without caring or I do it and make a stupid remark just for the heck of it. Other times I ask why not just wait until after it piles up a little bit more and wash it tonight. She gets pissed. I appreciate that she cooks so I wash the dishes (though I hate it and I'm sure most
people also hate it!) she gets even more mad when I have the "I don't want to do this" face on. Another scenario, we wash our laundry together, she will put the clothes in the washer and sometimes put it in the dryer. If she does both then she expects me to fold ALL of our clothes. If I wash and dry the clothes I still help her. She complains that I leave her to fold all the clothes by her self which probably has happened two or three times since we've been doing this (which is not much at all). I don't mind when we put in 50/50 but sometimes it'll blow my mind how ridiculous she is. I help clean the bathroom, I help wash dishes, I help with laundry. Just regular household chores. And to top that I drive an hour everyday basically to be with her. I love staying with her and the way I see it is if we can't get use to being with each other now we wouldn't stand a chance being married, especially when you have ten times the work load with children. For the first half of the year I paid about 90% of the bills where her and her roommate pay the rest (which is like 5 bucks each) but they also pay rent which is triple what I pay for the bill. Her roommate doesn't care and she shouldn't since I'm practically saving her money.

We have been fighting over the dumbest things ever and they're so insignificant it blows my mind how much it is annoying the living heck out of me. Personally I love her to death and I couldn't thank her enough nor tell her how sorry I am. I don't want to break up but I'd like to fix it. However when we get in a fight she would just say go away go home, I want to break up and threaten me with that. I don't think that's fair nor right.

This relationship is very two sided and it is not all her fault nor mine alone. I would like to fix everything between us. If you have any advice for me or for her please give us your opinion. Chances are I will let her read this unless you guys say not to. (I'll probably also list more problems/fights we've been having since I can't remember them off on the top of my head)

[SelflessnHumble]

First of all both of you suck at communication, for starters.
2nd, you can't change for HER...You need to change for YOU.
If she gets "pissed" or mad at you over some stupid ****ing dishes then it stands to reason her issues aren't with you: she got probs dude.

I mean, if she expects you to ask to wash dishes....and you are unable to respect her demands: you will obviously have problems.
Especially if you have to make a face (like a 5 yr old does) when she brings up things that are important *TO HER* See that?

All of these issues are from an obvious place to me:
You were an admitted asshole and she hasn't truly gotten over that. If she has, you need to ask yourself
why the hell she's so angry over things that can easily be handled without acting like a little baby -with anger, and misplaced feelings towards you-

Truth be told dude: you won't be able to fix anything until SHE looks in the mirror and identifies her issues and addresses them.
Your situation concerning bills makes zero sense to me.
Your GF lives with a roommate? The rent is 3 times the amount of the bills, of which you pad 90% of the 1st year and a half, but you don't live there???? WTF!
Anyway, she has expectations, and those will never be met with satisfaction: people who expect shit are usually emotionally irrational: yup.

Since you know this, and put up with it: (due to your guilt of prior behavior?) you have demonstrated you don't have an issue with it
because YOU fail to address your concerns about her behavior towards you, see?

Sit her down, and tell her how you feel.
Then both of you lay it down: you don't have expectations of her when it comes to the dishes, the laundry and other things
so she shouldn't have them for you...Find out why she is so emotionally out of control...besides the fact she's a woman!

[Punani]

So I read everything to her. Oh sorry I've been typing this all out on a phone so yeah. The bill thing, I pay about 100 for the first half of the year while they paid 300 for rent each. Now that the season has change my job makes less and less money so I pay for a smaller part of the bill. To the last person that posted: thank you, I just wanted someone to ****ing agree with me that she can be insane. I want her to realize it herself because when it comes to me telling her she tries to make me look like the asshole. If I ask her sister (don't know why I even bother sometimes), she'll obviously take her side.

Oh and the chores are just a tiny example of what we argue about. Random pointless bullshit. Also I haven't failed to point out anything that youve said pretty much. We've laid everything out and that rarely helps. Despite having fights, they last like 10 minutes average. Actually after I finished typing my first post we got over it. I just want her to know that she is ****ing ridiculous sometimes. She expects so much out of me and expects me to be able to do what she does. She took care of 4 younger siblings, cooking, cleaning, etc since she was pretty much in grade school.

Despite our fights she is a good girl. It's that time of the month for her and every time it happens, its hell.

[Take2]

You should both look at possibly reading about "Love Languages." It sounds like you have different ways of exrpessing love, and of preferring love be expressed. This very thing was a huge issue in my marriage, and it will not go away. It will only get worse. I wish I had known about the Love Languages, so I could have explained to my then-husband what I wasn't getting that I needed and understood his point of view. I was the "dishes can wait" half of our duo and he was the "you should know I want them done and do them before I ask" half of our duo. And truly, neither of us were wrong, except that we both sucked at communicating and at working as a team to resolve issues as they arose.