What is he thinking?

[girl980]

I know this guy through and through - we have been friends for three years, and never really been good at communicating our feelings because we liked each other that entire time. We are now dating and, while it's all new, he's been very serious about making it work this time and not letting it fall through with miscommunication. During the week before we started dating he told me he loved me, and that he even thought I was the one. He wants to plan a vacation with me and hopes to live close to me when we graduate in May. I have felt this way for a long time, just never acted on my feelings. I told him the same thing. This leads me to this week.

He now believes that we should take things slow, like any relationship would start out when two people are getting to know each other. It's just weird because, after he told me all of those things, it now feels like he's pulling away. However, he still texts me, hangs out, and laughs with me. While we were intimate last night, I told him I loved him but I didn't hear it in return.

I don't think I should be scared because I know him and I know when he is running away. It's not like that this time. But why would he promise the moon and the stars and then take it away? Hold back? Did he scare himself? Or is it that he just wants to make it work so bad that he's walking on egg shells and double checking his step?

[smackie9]

You already said that there has been miscommunication in the past, well why are you not communicating this with him? You definitely don't want history to repeat itself. What are you afraid of?

[smackie9]

Note: when someone does a one eighty, that might mean they could be having second thoughts because of another interest. So you better take action and have an honest discussion with him.

[lovenInsp]

Note: when someone does a one eighty, that might mean they could be having second thoughts because of another interest. So you better take action and have an honest discussion with him.

I agree with smackie. And, you said you guys are in college? He can also be thinking about the world of possibilities after graduation, especially other females. He was probably in the moment when he said those things and is now attempting to scale it back to keep his options open. Open the lines of communication and let him know your concerns, you don't want to be strung along.

[Aniphilia]

Now that he has you maybe hes afraid of moving too fast because he has been comfortable with the way things were. Dont give all of yourself and leave him wanting you by being the busy bee that you have been. That could make him check himself. Im not good at this but I just spent alot of time talking to a friend that learned this the hard way. I dont know your history but taking it slow would mean to me that now that you have verbally made the commitment your still responsible to be the person you always were (subject to change i know) by taking care of your needs (busy elswhere, not having to do with him) but also having your together time.

Frack!, I know, its hard to make sense of it. I am currently ignoring my ex's contacts via email and text (once) these past few days because I can see where it was a mistake in the past to let him chase me down too soon.
Of course I have communicated to him all sorts of insights in my head since the break up (3 weeks ago) but I wil be responding (after I am sure he is having much fretting and panic) that I am crazy busy with school work but I will be able to talk to him soon. This leaves him with me on his mind and the ball is back in his court. Of course, I havent done this yet, this is me trying something new and I am not practiced in the ways of "the take away" sales tactic. I am all too real when I really let him have it and I may resort to that eventually but he was sooo in the wrong and knows it and admitted it.

Does that even help? Can you even apply any of this to your situation?

[girl980]

Yes thank you, I can definitely see where you are coming from and I have been in your situation before. I can tell you that what you are doing is perfect, because it creates desire in the other person (look at me!). Plus an ex is an ex for a reason, so make him prove to you that he is worthy of your time.

I know what he gets like when he pulls away, so I don't think it's in a bad way - it may just be distancing so that things don't progress too fast. He says he would rather go out to eat then be in each other's rooms. I don't care either way! What should I do now? Should I bring it up (it's only been a short amount of time) or act like I'm fine and just keep my mouth shut and follow his lead? I'm afraid that if I say something, like the last time we got in a fight six months ago, it will trigger him to pull out all of his cards and go into hiding.

[twinrexes]

Well, if the two of you were friends and liked each other the whole time but never said anything for three years, then you BOTH have problems expressing your feelings, yes? I think you're probably both "distancers". If he continued to come on strong and shower you with devotion, then iit would be the other way around and you would be the one wanting some distance. If I were you I wouldn't say anything but just take your own advice and pull back a bit yourself and make him work for it. Play it cool just like he's asking and be just fine with it.