feeling bad

[doc]

I posted before on this relationship. I met a girl a few years older than me that has accomplished much with her life. She has a house on the water, is ambitious, and incredibly disciplined (despite having unprotected sex with me!!). Although, I have accomplished much, I am far from being in a stable situation. I am saddled with huge school debts and a future in question. This will not change for the next three years (possibly more).

After knowing each other for only a few weeks we began to sleep with each other and we got pregnant. Because of the situation I was in at the time I was required to leave to go back to my work. My work requires me to be a long distance from home. Since then I have done what I could to help her with the pregnancy which I admit wasnt much. I dont have the freedom or money right now to contribute much. This understandably led to resentment from her. Which is still ongoing today.

Since my sons birth I have continued to do what I could. Payed his health insurance, visited as much as I could, sent her medications, daily (99% of the time) meetings on skype with a computer I was able to get for her for christmas. Ive sent diapers and some toys as well. I love my son dearly and I feel very sad that I cannot participate more in his life than with a skype webcam. I truly want to be a big influence in his life and want him to know that I love him very much

Tonight she asked me where we are going in our relationship. I didnt know what to say but I havent been feeling good about my relationship with her for a while now. Since the "honeymoon period" has ended I have begun to see those traits aabout her that let me know that we are not very compatible. We are polar opposites. On quite a few occasions she has blown up at me for small things and has been manipulative using our son ("we gotta find you a new daddy", turning away from me when i tried to kiss him while he was in her arms, etc.....all done in anger). There also has been a bit of friction between her and my family and they sense my unhappiness with the relationship. Before tonight's discussion she was giving me the cold silent treatment b/c I wanted to watch the state of the union last night. I do love her and want her to be happy and content. However, I know that I dont at all feel about her the way i did since I have seen her true self. A great cliche: "I love you, but Im not in love with you anymore" comes to mind.

She has done incredibly sweet things for me and given me care packages and thoughtful loving gifts in the mail for my birthday. She has been raising our son alone all the while stressing out about her schooling and everything else thats on her "to do" list.....all on her own. But, I dont believe that I would continue this relationship if it werent for our son. I feel so unbelievably terrible and incredibly irresponsible for this. What do I do??

Tonight she pretty much laid it on the table and said that she needs to know if this is going to progress or does she need to make other plans, while she still "has it". If we are to be together as a couple in a relationship then we need to make plans to be together for us....not just because we have a son. She listed off different things that she could do and would do if we werent together (things that she enjoys).

However, she went on to say that it has always been a dream of hers to help support someone (assumedly as a girlfriend/wife) that is chasing something big (Im chasing something big). Although I know for a fact that she has other big things planned for herself and that shacking up with me is going to prevent those dreams from becoming reality. She would be making huge sacrifices if she were to join me. I believe this might make the resentment even worse.

I love my son so so much and I want to see him grow up to be a man and give him everything that he needs. I dont think that she would prevent me from seeing him if we werent together, but it will make it much more difficult, esp now! I love her and I want her to be happy, not only for her sake but for our sons sake. This whole thing is terrible....

please help...ive held on to relationships in the past that i knew werent good and it always ended bad. i dont want this to happen to the mother of my son...

[MerryH]

If you're not in love with her, then it wouldn't be fair to lead her to believe that the relationship with you is a good one. You don't have to be with her just because you have a son together. It's not ideal, but neither was anything about this to begin with. You should break up with her.