Need some opinions!

[ka_xx]

Alright, sooo here's the story:

My boyfriend (high school sweetheart) of 3 years and I just recently broke up about 2 months ago. He simply told me it wasn't going to work because things just aren't the same. He also mentioned that we were "kids" when we met. Anyways, we haven't been talking that much or anything but I told him I was ready to be friends with him. (better friends than nothing) anyways we decided to hang out sometime soon so I suggested lunch, he said why not dinner? So we decided to go out for dinner. Anyways, today I asked him where we should go, and he suggested this pretty fancy resturant (where we went last Valentines day), and I said that would be great, then before logging off (the computer), he added, "and we could go skating too..think about it" (this restaurant can be accessed from the canal where we can skate on). So tell me what do you think his intentions are!! PLEASEEE=)

[Innova]

Ok having been here before, I do not want you to get your hopes up. Being High School Sweethearts (Which 90% of the time fail before HS grad) you have gotten into a rhythm so to speak, you know just about everything about eachother. That is something hard to get out of when coming out of a long-term relationship.

Now I don't know everything thats happened between you too, but I can tell you aside from obvious variables, that unless things go smoothly again (rare), then it usually leads to confusion/pain. Hes right, things change...esp. during HS, which is why a lot don't make it...among other things. Being friends with the person you loved is VERY hard. Now Im going to go out on a limb and say that he has no bad intentions and just has trouble forgetting you and may even miss you from time to time, but all symptoms coming out of a long term relationship.

Like I said, just do not get your hopes up and be careful. I can almost guarentee you that its not going to be the same, and it may well never be.

I'll get back to you on this, I got some stuff to finish up. But there is a bit more to say on such a subject.

[ka_xx]

Thanks for replying so soon, im interested to see what else you have to say. I definately appreciate what you said, and it makes sence to me for sure.

[misombra]

it sounds like he is simply comfortably with you, having shared a history and all. so just go out with him. but don't expect him to want to get back together. maybe he just wants to start over as adults.

keep us posted.

[Innova]

Your welcome!

Anyhoo from the looks of your posts, it seem you want to be open with him and let him know how you feel. I can also see that you seem to know what you want, that is always important.

This is good that you want to talk with him, communication is so important and im sure you understand this fully. Now a big key in all of this, is that you two are on the same level. If you want to be with him, and he only wants to be friends...then it will never work, as a couple or friends. Now, its not a bad thing that your going out with him, infact it can be a great thing, This will allow you to analyize things, as well as clear things up. Now as I've said before, you have to be careful. This is a very delicate situation and I can't stress that enough. I know you have feelings for the guy, but you cannot allow this to cloud judgement, because if you two get mixed up and hes not on the same level as you are, confusion/pain/stress...the lists go on.

Now with that, go out...have fun. I know you wanna talk to him about these matters, but do not force it..thats a no-no! Rather, ease into it...work your way into getting him into the conversation. I'm hoping from here he'll be understanding and talk it out with you, and from there you can hopefully make a rashional decision

[Jenrick285]

Go out and have fun, just kinda wonder as to what goes on in his head (good luck on that btw, and if you find out, write a book... You'll be rich overnight). Might be he just wanted to have a fun day, or he's used having you around?

[ka_xx]

Alright, thanks guys, we're going out next wednesday, so I'll keep you updated. I'm actually excited to see what is going to happen. If we are just going to be friends, I will know after this, and I think I will be okay with that. But I just want to see if there is anything left. *maybe a spark or something* But I am almost 18, and he is almost 20, and we met when we were 14 and 16. It's a crazy story, but that's for another time=) THANKS again! I REALLY appreciate it

[Innova]

Thats what we're here for, well some of the time haha, anyhoo your welcome!

[ka_xx]

Hey, so theres a little update, it's still not wednesday SO FAR AWAY!, and I also have exams so I can't even concentrate. But I offered tp pick him up (for the date), and he said it was "only proper" to pick me up. Yet when we were together, I drove a lot because we have more cars then his family. This is seeming more like a date. Thought you might be interested to know, plus I wanted to tell someone=).

[jakki2903]

Hey, so theres a little update, it's still not wednesday SO FAR AWAY!, and I also have exams so I can't even concentrate. But I offered tp pick him up (for the date), and he said it was "only proper" to pick me up. Yet when we were together, I drove a lot because we have more cars then his family. This is seeming more like a date. Thought you might be interested to know, plus I wanted to tell someone=).

Sounds very promising - like starting afresh - keep us posted - keep smiling!! x

[cycletease]

Ok, this seems to be going well! I am just getting in on this but it sounds like you have been given some very good advice. You need to play it cool and not pressure him.

I am sure you have heard a million times that relationships when you are young don't last. It is not always true, but it is true a lot and the reason is that you don't have a lot of experience to draw from, not because you are not the right people. It is all about timing in relationships and you may meet the right person but at the wrong time and it just can't work. It is hard to get two people at the same point, ready for a relationship and with their head in the right place.

Patience is the key. Your boyfriend was right to be honest with you and end things if he was in a different place. He seems like a stand up guy and worth keeping in mind. He is needing to grow a little and try some new things and you need to give him the freedom to do that.

The more you grow the more you can bring to a relationship and it wouldn't hurt either of you to go off and live a little. The cool thing about being as young as you are is that if you play it right you still have a whole life you can spend together. The key is to keep open communication and be ready to pick things up again if it does come back around.

So for now you need to have fun with him...since that is what living is all about. If you are emotional and pressure him being with you will be a drag. If you are the funnest person for him to be around he will want to spend more time with you...

So have a great "date" just make sure that you don't let it show that this what you really want it to be. Be casual about it and fun and make no impression that you are wanting more.

Good luck and keep us posted!

[ka_xx]

Sooo I have an update! Well, last night (I know it's not even WEDNESDAY yet), I went over to his house because HE called ME to "hang out". I was alright with that so I went over, saw BOTH of his parents who I was very close to, and then we went downstairs to talk. (Yes, he lives with his parents hes only 20 lol) So now his parents are in bed, and we are chatting in the basement (on seperate couches), and we decide to watch a movie (he comes and sits with me on the couch). About half-way through the movie, we keep making random comments about the movie to each other while turning our heads to gaze into eachothers eyes (a sure sign that a Kiss is to come). Sure enough he kissed me, the most amazing kiss ever because it was like a rush of all these feelings that I had been feeling. Anyways, after kissing for awhile, I asked him what this meant, and he surprisingly said "I don't know". I got a little scared but I asked "does this mean nothing", and he said "by the way I kiss you do you think it means nothing", and I said no because he was being very passionate. Well one thing lead to another, and we had sex. I know, it sounds like he's only going to be using me for sex, but he's not that type of person, and I trust him so I felt good about it afterwards. So we were lying in his bed, and I asked him exactly what this means, and I told him I better not be a "booty call". He laughed and said no, don't worry, I just still need my time. He wouldn't give me many more answers, so I was still questioning his intentions. It was getting late (3:00am, and so I decided to go home), and when we were at the door, I turned to leave, and then said "I need some answers, not big ones, just little ones". He told me that I need to relax, and I will figure it out. And I said okay, as he kissed me on the cheek and I left. So, my thoughts are that he wants to start very slowly again, and take it just like we were almost just dating. I feel good about it though, he is very sincere with me. Let me know!!!=) I love this forum!!

[misombra]

what do you want out of this? do you want him call you and give you hope and that at the end of it all says "i need more time blah blah blah..."??? or do you want to get away from him and decide what you really want, he asked for it right?

[schueys_girl]

i have made this 'mistake' before and i put it in inverted commas because it doesnt necessarily mean it was a mistake for you. But i made myself easily accessible to an ex i still loved and he just ended up using me exactly as a booty call...despite the fact that he wasnt at all like that, we were together 2 years etc.

It suprised me a hell of a lot, and i was disgusted with myself 4 months down the line when it finally hit me all he was using me for was sex. I used to go round his house, sit with his rents for a while (as i was close to them as you are) then we would go to his room, watch a movie gradually end up closer together, the whole staring thing, kissing, sex and then me asking the questions and him saying dont worry, just relax it will sort itself out.

This was a mistake i made 3 years or so ago and i will never do it again.

Now, i am not saying that your ex is going to do the same to you, i am just giving you a reality check that he might do...it would hurt you to get your hopes completely up and then for him to hurt you all over again.

What i dont understand is, your thinking he wants to start very slowly again; firstly when has he actually said this? He never seems to answer your queries and questions and you have never said he has said anything like this at all. In my thoughts if they want you back, dont want to lose you etc then they will just say!!

Secondly, not to be harsh here, but what does starting all over again slowly do? Youve already done this stage of the relationship 3 years or so ago. This would get you nowhere. Whats the point in getting through 3 years of life (in which you will have matured quite a lot) just to go all the way back to the beginning with him?! You said he mentioned you were kids when you met; ie things have changed and your not kids now, so why would he want to go all the way back to when things are kids?!

Problem is, relationships when your young (probably most the transition from 16 to like 18/19) rarely last because i strongly believe that you are a completely different person when you are 16 to when you are 19 going on 20...plus girls are supposed to be 2 years ahead mentally than boys. I know some do work, but the majority dont. Fact is you get past 2/3 years with someone when your young and realised you havent dated anyone else/slept with anyone else and youve already been together 3 years so big things are often expected of your relationship far too soon...marriage, moving in together, kids etc.

Sounds like this lad wants his space, wants his fun, wants a change, basically wants to get around a bit, date a few more girls, sleep with more girls and maybe after hes done all this he mite decide that you were the best thing he ever had and come back to you. Or he mite not...question is whether you want to wait around wasting the rest of your life while he decides what he wants...

[ka_xx]

ah, i dont know anymore. now you've got me thinking, im going to be really carefull.