In love and want to fake my own death

[Sweets82]

Hi,

I am new to this site and in need of some serious advice. I will try to summarise it as short as possible.
I am 26 years old, female and live with my parents at home. I come from quite a religious background, however I do not follow the religion anymore and my parents dont know this. I love my parents and siblings very much, but I do not want to hurt them by telling them I dont follow the religion anymore. I have had many white boyfriends whom my family would not accept. Therefore all my relationships have been hidden from them. I have suffered from depression and alcohol addiction in the past. Last year I met a white man and we fell in love, I have never been in love before, its beautiful! He knew the relationship was temporary as my family would never accept him, and I told him I would never run away as my running away would split the family apart, give my Dad a heart attack etc... However as they say, its better to have loved and lost, than to never love at all. The end of last year was lovely!! Me and him were so happy. However earlier this year, we talked about when we should split up, as we had already passed the point of no return, we argued and split up. 2 weeks after we split he got into a new relationship, which really hurt me. However he told me he stil loves me, but he is glad we have split up, cos we can now move on with our lives. He can marry someone else, and I can marry someone my family will accept. I am used to breaking up.

The BIG difference to my previous relationships is the fact that I LOVE him and feel he is the one. And although I have always put my parents first, this time round, Im considering drastic actions. The only way forward I see, so I can be with my ex is if I fake my own death. As running away and as a result my family would DISOWN me forever, and would potentially split them up and hurt them, I feel is MUCH MUCH worse than if they knew I was dead and grieved that. Honestly I think my running away and leaving religion would kill them more than my death. Therefore I have been thinking all week of how to fake my death. I hope I have explained all this correctly and you can understand where Im coming from. I have been reading around faking death, and it seems impossible and too complex. What do you guys think? I am suffering so much, I really dont know what to do.

Thanks for reading.
x

[Emerald_Dreams]

At 26 years old, is it possible that you can move out on your own and be free from your family's control?

[Sweets82]

I can move out yes, but I cant marry a white man. My family would not accept him, and I used to want them still in my life. But not sure anymore. Its either them or him. Thats the decision. But if I choose him, the only way we can be together forever is if I fake my own death, and start afresh somewhere else in the world. So my family, friends, POLICE think Im dead. I can move on and live my life with him.

[Emerald_Dreams]

Why is your family racist against white people?

If they don't like white people, why don't they move out of England...?

[girl68]

I don't think you can fake your death.

[SelflessnHumble]

Everyone has at one time thought of doing this so it isn't some sacrilege thing to do...I understand you completely...
However if I may ask: do you love your parents? Do you know how much collateral and irreparable damage you would do to them/their emotional state forever?
They would have to face the fact that they outlived their daughter when in reality, deep down:
They just want the best for you...The problem is: THEY want (what THEY think) is best for you.

Get a piece of paper and write write write!
Write down (draw a line in the middle) and make the distinction what they want does NOT = what YOU want.
See how different your wants and needs are in contrast to their impressions imposed upon you...

Then you need to come to the self realization that: "Not doing what they have demanded you do: does NOT = disrespect or being a bad daughter.

Then you have to understand: your boyfriend deserves to have someone who can give him what he *wants* a woman whose parents respect HIM and accept him...
Then you need to address the entire situation with your parents, and if I were you I would (if you can) have a neutral person present (Aunt, Older brother) or someone they respect but who sees your POV.

Please do not fake your own death just so you can run away from this problem: instead of facing it as most people do when they have allowed
their parents to control their lives: and by you continuing to live there: they will "feel" control over you: because you are still their baby.

Sit down and draw the line: if they wish to have you live in that house a 26yr old woman who is no longer of their faith, then they need to
respect your individuality and your CHOICES...They cannot impose their will upon you. You are a grown woman. If you sacrifice your own life either by
dumping your BF, starting a new life elsewhere you are essentially never going to face the issue: and issues like these can manifest into other facets of your life.

The only way to properly resolve these feelings and this issue is by sitting down with them: setting up boundaries and voicing your opinion. Don't run from this.

[qwahchees]

You should confront your family.
It's not the 18th century anymore, it's the 21st. People marry the people they love, and it's all your choice. Don't let anything stop love, cause love is hard to find. If your family doesn't agree, and if it was me, I'd tell them that they should dis-own me, or i'll dis-own myself, cause they have no right.

Live your life the way YOU want to live it, NO ONE, should ever stop you. It'll be a big step, but that's all apart of growing up. (even though your 26.)

[SelflessnHumble]

You should confront your family.
It's not the 18th century anymore, it's the 21st. People marry the people they love, and it's all your choice. Don't let anything stop love, cause love is hard to find. If your family doesn't agree, and if it was me, I'd tell them that they should dis-own me, or i'll dis-own myself, cause they have no right.

Live your life the way YOU want to live it, NO ONE, should ever stop you. It'll be a big step, but that's all apart of growing up. (even though your 26.)

Well, culture and their own social evolution can play a role in this state of mind where they feel
they can control her as if she were property.

[xxazurexx]

Why is your family racist against white people?

If they don't like white people, why don't they move out of England...?

Yeah EXACTLY!!!! My very thoughts also.

I could be wrong, but I am guessing you are Muslim OP?

[qwahchees]

And that's not how society should be, that's too bad. I've been raised in a family where freedom comes first, and my dad never stops me from pursuing what I want to do, he just warns me, and supports me. That's what her parents should be doing, not discouraging her about the race of her lover. This world is crazy.

[Emerald_Dreams]

I think we should be careful what advice we give her. Her parents might like, cut her head off or something.

[xxazurexx]

^Probably why she is wanting to fake her own death.

Either that or face an 'honour killing'.

I've heard of a few that have happened here (the ones who didn't get away with it), but for the majority they get away with it.

Poor girl

[Petit Papillon]

If she thinks she has to make such a big step like faking her own death ,I just have one thing on my mind.Her family would literally kill her if she tried to be with other guy,am I right? No further comments...

[reeba]

Why is everyone dwelling on her wanting to fake her death. The big question is why she wants to do it. For a guy who broke up her 2 weeks ago, and is ALREADY in another relationship.

Sure when he left he said he still loved you. That was his way of letting you down gently and he did not mean it except maybe he loves you as a human being, or as a friend, or whatever. He should have never said that. It denied you proper closure cause instead of getting over him, you actually think you still have a shot at him, thus you wanting to do this crazy 'fake death' in hopes to get your straying ex boyfriend back.

If your parents stood by you during depression and alcohol addiction, I think they can forgive you for finding a good boyfriend. By the way I hope you are better, cause the last thing you need is the stress of trying to find a good relationship. You can't find someone who is healthy for you when you are carrying around lots of baggage like that.

[Saya]

Not sure what religious you are and I don't know why your family is racist against white people....
Maybe at the start they might not approve, but if you explain to your family, talk to them properly and If your family loves you then they want the best thing for you and want you to be happy so they might accept in the end?

If you can move out then why not move out?