Does this make me sick? I don't know what to do!

[whatdoi]

I've been talking to this boy online for a few months now, we're both 20. When we met I was getting over my ex, so he was kind of like a rebound. He gave me comfort and made me happy from a distance, which is what I needed. Eventually I told this boy that I love him, he did the same. We talked on webcam, phone, everything and lots.

He and I both have issues. Social anxiety, really messed up families, we've both went through depression, etc. So I feel bad for him. I've been talking to other guys online and doing things with them, as well as my real life ex. Obviously this guy doesn't know this, and I would never tell him. Too mean.

I have done so many things for him because I feel bad. He never even initiated these things either. I stripped for him on webcam, talk dirty to him sometimes, and even made plans for him to move here during the summer and apply to my school. He has talked to his parents about it and all... I keep telling him I love him and have him come around to talk to me whenever he is off work. So, he seriously thinks that I want him to come here in the summer and has started to really look into coming. I've even mentioned kids to him.. and a family later on with marriage. Whenever he brings up the summer and says he can't wait I say the same...

I don't know why I keep doing these things for him and talk to other guys but I know it has to stop. What should I do? I feel so bad for him I can't leave. Hes not ugly or anything just really emotionally messed because of his troubled life. I tried leaving him before but it lasted a day... He accepted that we could be just friends but I ended up telling him that I love him again. I suck...

[HeartIsAching]

Wow... a serial virtual cheater.

Can you cheat on virtual love?

[xxazurexx]

DON'T even claim to care for this guy!!!!

You are aware he's a messed up guy and with your immature and pathetic pretence, you are set to mess him up even further and when he realises you don't love him/want to meet him, etc.

Only one word for your sort I'm afraid....but I will refrain from repeating it.

[whatdoi]

I do care about him! That's why I'm still around, if I didn't care I would just leave. I do all these things because I care about him. I'm afraid of hurting him.

[IncognitoSir]

Like, WTF do you expect us to say? You're telling us that you're purposely taking advantage of an emotionally damaged and vulnerable person and you feel bad about it??? You owe him the truth at least so he can try to move on damn.

[HeartIsAching]

I do care about him! That's why I'm still around, if I didn't care I would just leave. I do all these things because I care about him. I'm afraid of hurting him.

No, that's simply untrue. You care about your relationship with him (real or virtual) but not about HIM. If you cared about him and about hurting him, you'd not do the behaviors that would make that a near-certainty. Instead, you care about and are actively attempting to preserve your RELATIONSHIP. You're enjoying that part, so you don't want it to be compromised.

Don't get me wrong - I'm NOT a holier-than-thou guy saying you're irredeemable or a complete and total POS... I've been there and am working on getting better. You can too, if you want to, but it takes time, effort and outside help.

[whatdoi]

You're right, I do love what we have. He is such a sweetheart and treats me better than anyone else ever has in my entire life. Sometimes he is really needy though and I can't handle it, I also do not feel a strong sexual attachment to him. I want him but at the same time I don't want him. I'm afraid if I leave I will hurt him so much that he won't be able to cope, at the same time I am afraid that I will regret the decision and never find anyone like him ever again. He would literally, do anything for me. I love him, but at the same time I'm just not sure. I feel like I'm not good enough as well, and I can't help myself from doing the screwed up things that I have already done.

[xxazurexx]

So why don't you meet him in real life then and give him a chance?

People DON'T know if there is truly anything there and unless they meet for 'real'....and you have to meet to find out.

He could turn out to be the guy of your dreams.

[whatdoi]

I still have feelings for my ex boyfriend. And I'm sexually attracted to the other two guys...

[Emerald_Dreams]

If you really cared about this boy, you would do him a favor and cut all contact! His life is messed up enough without you messing it up further!