How do I know if he is into me?

[violetsareblue]

My boyfriend and I are both divorced, with children, working professionals in our 40s. We started seeing each other in Nov. He has been a straightforward person and taken quite a bit of initiatives in the relationship. He is VP in an IT company and I am senior manager in a software company, so we are both very busy with work, not to mention that we both have responsibilities for the children. Still we'd see each other at least once a week. Recently he shared with me that his teenage daughter, who suffers from anorexia and lives with him, is getting to the point where she needs be institutionalized, for the 3rd time in the last year. He is also having some trouble at his work because of a new COO who has different management style from him. He cut short a company party last Friday in favor of having me over at his house so we could spend some time and enjoy each other's company. This was the first time we were alone. He got hot and heavy, but I held the line, thinking we were still early in our relationship. He suggested I should stay at his place and go home in the morning. I don't know how serious he was about it. I said I should go home, although I didn't leave until it was very very late at night. I believe he enjoyed our time very much and I did as well.

However Saturday he called me and said he had been thinking about his daughter's situation, and was wondering if he had been selfish, and maybe should consider taking family medical leave for a few months and focus on her, or only focus on work and her and nothing else (instead of spending time working out and being with me). I asked him if that was what he wanted to do. He said no. But he said he felt guilty. He realizes that isolating himself from anything but work and daughter is not healthy and would eventually be destructive for him. He hasn't called since, and it makes me wonder what he is really thinking.

I would be happy to supply any details, but was just wondering what might be going on in his mind, and how I could tell where things really stand.

[MerryH]

Sounds like he's got a whole lot going on right now, and you are understandably not a top priority for him. Don't try to get into that number one spot because, no offense, he's got more important things to do with his time and efforts at the moment.

And, okay, this is probably going to sting a little bit. You're calling him your boyfriend, but the rest of your post indicates that you've just gone on a few (one?) dates. That doesn't sound boyfriendy. Then you go on to list all these huge things he's got going on in his life, but you're asking, "But does he like me? Where do I stand? Mememe." Unless you've talked about where your relationship stands and he's said otherwise, you are not his girlfriend. In actuality, he really isn't in a position to be pursuing a relationship when his daughter is ill. I think you should end it with him, not only because you sound a bit selfish, but also because it's best that he focuses on the important things right now.

[frogj316]

Sounds to me like you entered into a relationship with a very complex back story. I don't think he has time for anything serious, and maybe just wants something more physical/simpler. If that isn't what your interested in I would look elsewhere, it's early on in the relationship which is the best time to bail if you haven't made a real connection, or commitment.

[violetsareblue]

Actually, he pursued me first, and we went out no less than 10 times, all of which he initiated. He recently had these things coming up, within the last 2-3 weeks. So I am a bit taken by surprise. I have no trouble ending it, but I don't want to add to his already very heavy burden or hurt him in any way.