Advice Please on Too Outgoing Partner

[skippy]

I have a very loud and outgoing partner that has this habit of drawing attn to himself. On one of our very rare occasions, we went out to dinner the other night with our kids. The first thing my partner tries to do is invite his friends knowing that the dinner was just a family time/dinner concert. When he found out that his friends were unavailable, he's ringing my brother-in-law at the restaurant table probably just to show off I guess that we were out to have a dinner and watch a concert. When dinner was ordered, he goes outside for a cigarette and then I have to go looking for him over 15 minutes later because he's made himself comfortable at a table and is chatting to three complete strangers. Its been happening for years and my reaction, for the very first time was to leave the restaurant. I left the kids with him as well! He doesn;t think what he does isn't an issue. I feel undervalued when I go out with him. i'd like your feedback pls

[Regnent]

Yikes, I don't think there's a simple solution here. I personally have reservations about him, I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.
On the other hand, if he is outgoing (and we're assuming faithfull), that's who he is. It's what he enjoys and probably needs.

I'd say you're gonna have to find a middle ground.You might need to discuss it and maybe your 'him' time shouldn't involve public places.
If that interfears with your social needs (IE going out), you may need to do it with friends.

[MerryH]

He doesn;t think what he does isn't an issue.

You mean, he doesn't think there's anything wrong with what he does? (Your phrasing kind of threw me off.) I can't imagine how he can justify his behavior. It's really disrespectful to you and the kids. Have you talked to him about this? I assume you have, but have you communicated effectively? Like, do you just get mad and say "Don't do that" without explaining why he shouldn't? "Please don't invite your friends to dinner. I'd like us to spend quality time as a family, and we can't do that if your friends are around." "Please don't talk on the phone or disappear during dinner, it's rude and your family deserves your undivided attention."

I can't understand how he could think this is alright, unless he is absolutely clueless about acceptable social behavior (and it sounds like that might be the case - who the hell sits down at some strangers' table and chats them up like that? So intrusive.)

If you've communicated this to him and he still doesn't get it, and doesn't even make an attempt to fix it then what else is there to do? Break up with him if you don't want to deal with it. I can't imagine he'd be interested in counseling since he doesn't see that there's any problem and doesn't care to work with you, but it wouldn't hurt to try.