Regarding getting an ex back via No Contact

[zenots]

Anyone read George Karanastasis' 'How to Get Her Back for Good'? I am intending to follow his advice of establishing No Contact; however as he mentioned in his book "one last thing... always return her calls or respond to her messages", I am confused as to what I should do if my ex contacts me only to ask about my well-being etc (i.e. initiating mere friendly chat). How should i respond without ignoring her nor falling back to the friendship cycle?

Hope you guys can help me out with this

[vashti]

???

I don't think you should count on "no contact" being a strategy for getting someone back. I think of this as a way to allow yourself time to heal.

If you want to maintain no (meaningful) contact without being rude, when she calls you or text messages you, respond by TEXT only, and say "got your message... things are good with me, hope you are well". That's it - nothing more. Do not send any messages that will require a response, and do not give her anything to ask you questions about.

[zenots]

well yeah no contact is mostly for self-healing but to an extent if the other party still cares it may provide some sort of stimulus

anw thanks for the reply i'll do just what you suggested

[Petit Papillon]

Umm, do what you want but anyway there are two scenarios that will happen in xx years :

1. You will end up alone

2. You will marry someone else.

There is no way you two will end up together . Ok there is like 1% possibility that you two will end up together but it's more like after you two marry someone else,have kids with them, divorce and meet again in 30 years and say " oh you know what we won't meet anyone better so let's be together, we know each other anyway so..." . But most likely, you will just end up with someone else.
And don't pay for such stupid books. Would you buy a book that says "I will make you a millionaire!" ?

[twinrexes]

Exes do get back together, but the no contact strategy isn't a guarantee. Yes, it does give you a chance to heal. You can't move on if you're still trying to be friends. But sometimes exes regret breaking up and there is sometimes a second chance. So I don't necessarily agree with posters who say it's a silly idea. It's worked for me in the past. But it only worked when I DID get over the guy and really ddin't wan thim back. That's when the ex would come sniffing around again. When you're over them, they "get it" and some of them don't like it.

[Petit Papillon]

^ Yeah . Do you have other fairy tales for teenagers?

[zenots]

no contact has been in effect for, gasp, one day, after our last date

and i already feel like i'm in hell

but i know for sure merely being "friend" is not what i want, its even derogatory given all that we've went through in our 2 years

sigh if she can tell me that she still has feelings for me and our dates are still fun, why won't she just let us start over again

[Boisdevie]

This whole no contact rule is bullshit. Imagine this scenario - a relationship has ended because it wasn't working - there were problems - so one party decided not the contact the other and that's going to solve the underlying problems? No, of course it won't.

[zenots]

NC won't solve problems on its own, but it can get both parties to cool down and reflect and finally if interest remains and contact resumes to sit down and work things out.

Well at least that's how I interpret, after all the logic/persuasion approach won't work at all.

[Petit Papillon]

This whole no contact rule is bullshit. Imagine this scenario - a relationship has ended because it wasn't working - there were problems - so one party decided not the contact the other and that's going to solve the underlying problems? No, of course it won't.

Well i think you don't know what "no contact" rule means and how it works. Nan. You really don't ...

I also call all the things that I don't understand a bullshit