Depressed, Confused, and dont know what to do.

[DarkHelmet82]

Hello,

I just joined and am hoping I can maybe find an answer in here.... Just some background. I am 28 yr old male from NY. I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve and am one of the "nice guys." I am not a pushover.. but I am not the type of guy who treats women or people for that matter like crap... I guess thats all the background that is relevant.. haha thanks for reading.. Anyway....

My girlfriend went from saying "I am super attracted to you and I love you the way you are" last friday.. to Saturday saying "we need to talk" and then ending it last Sunday. Why the complete change? I was gonna contact her tomorrow.. but do you think that is too soon, or should I wait until AFTER valentines day. I dont want her to think im calling her BECAUSE of Valentines day. Even though I'd like too. Should i contact her at all? Problem is she would be afraid to contact me even if she wanted too.

I dont want her to think i've totally moved on... or do I? Please help. We haven't spoken in a week. Thank you

BTW she is 23

I miss her voice, her smell, and simply just being with her

thank you for the help

[DarkHelmet82]

heres more info...

On friday amongst the things ive already said she got pretty drunk and told me she used to have an eating disorder. i DID NOT judge her and was very supportive. we also had sex (not the first time.). on saturday she told me she wanted to stay home and relax and then txted me 6 hours later saying "we need to talk.". on sunday she said she didnt feel it and that i deserve someone who will love me with all their heart. she also said she gets bored easy and said this was her longest relationship shes had and her first real one. she said she wants to br able to hang out with her friends, i said i did too... but than said she wants to spend everdsy with her boyfriend... doesnt make any sense. she than said she wanted to be friends and said "maybe we can get drinks sometime.... call me if you want to talk" told her i couldnt be friends. she then asked me for a hug which i reluctantly gave.

Why pretend to be into someone for months... it doesnt make sense. she was TOTALLy into me than something changed and literally overnight...

[Cinnabella]

Lol I don't understand the situation at all! I guess she's confusing, how old are you? Lol

[DarkHelmet82]

im glad you find it finny... read the post I put my age in there

[IncognitoSir]

Yeah, take a read cinna. Your ex is confused though. She doesn't know what she wants and or she wants everything. She wants to constantly be with you but she also wants the freedoms of being single. basically, she chose to be single rather than tied down with you. Now, the fact that she flip flopped in such a way with you, is very alarming which leads me to believe there is some missing pieces to all of this. Something must of happened to make her change her mind is such a way.

[DarkHelmet82]

I do know that things like eating disorders, even if you are able to overcome it manifests itself into other things.

I am just utterly confused. I was so shocked of her reasons that I really did not say what I wanted.

Now this will really have you guessing. exactly a month (to the day) before she did this, she tried to end it. Her reason than was similar "I dont feel the same." But i managed to get more out of her. She felt we were moving too fast and I suspect she got worried about a job offer that I may or may not take. I told her we could definitely slow down, and things were great from that point. About four hours after that conversation she SPED UP and was more "clingy" (for lack of a better word) than she was before.

[IncognitoSir]

She probably does have some serious issues. I mean, the eating disorder itself is VERY serious. I'm afraid the disorder may only be the tip of the iceberg. Call her up for an explanation. It really does sound like weird behavior. Maybe even bi-polar.

[DarkHelmet82]

yeah i just dont know WHEN to call her... valentines day coming up puts a hinderance on it in my opinion..

bipolar huh? hmmm ive never seen her take any medication but its possible she has it and doesnt know it?

[IncognitoSir]

yeah i just dont know WHEN to call her... valentines day coming up puts a hinderance on it in my opinion..

bipolar huh? hmmm ive never seen her take any medication but its possible she has it and doesnt know it?

Hey, I'm no doctor, just a guess. Screw Valentines day, don't make the call about getting back together, make it about "why she flipped the switch on you like that?" Go from there.

[DarkHelmet82]

well said... if she truely doesnt know how she feels, dont i want to just giver her space and/or time? Sorry for asking all these questions, i just dont want to make a mistake and do the wrong thing.

[IncognitoSir]

Well yeah, but your situation is "special". Typically, I'd say give her space, which usually leads to you moving on and her doing the same. In this case though, she told you how much you mean to her etc., etc.........then she broke up with you the next day. That's not normal. Also the age difference is pretty significant. Me and my ex were separated by fewer years than that and it made a HUGE difference in our views on a lot of things, ie relationships. It's hard to say what she needs, because you obviously didnt even realize she was unhappy. She's been hiding her feelings from you, just like she hid the eating disorder.

[DarkHelmet82]

yeah... maybe i should contact her and find out.. she has told me she has a hard time expressing her feelings... i feel like i should wait though... its just sooo hard

[Cinnabella]

I guess she was unhappy about you but didn't want to tell you coz girls hope guys can read their mind or what they want lol, maybe give her space, at least a short time :-).

[DarkHelmet82]

yeah i think another week should suffice. I almost feel like just sending her a message just saying hello, but that probably a bad idea.

[DarkHelmet82]

Im going crazy.. i dont think i can make it another day... i losing my mind i dont know what to do.. this is affecting everything.. i barely eat, hardly sleep,