Need some opinions!

[cycletease]

I believe that you need to disengage a little so that you can get a clear perspective on this situation. When you are so overwhelmed with emotion you often lack the ability to see things for how they are...just how you want them to be.

I don't want to disappoint you and I certainly don't know all of the particulars of your situation, but from what you are saying here I believe that you need to be VERY careful. Your love of this guy is clouding your judgement a little.

If he says he wants space and you don't give it to him things will never be able to work themselves out. And if he breaks up with you so that he can have some space but still can hook up with you...why would he ever want to get back together. Now he has played this so that he gets the best of both worlds. He can go out and do whatever he wants and still have you desperate for any attention he tosses your way. He now is wielding all the power in this relationship...and a relationship HAS to be balanced.

So what you need to do is shift back to a balance of power. Which means you need to start calling some of the shots. This is not all about him and what he wants. This is your life also and you need to have a relationship that you can live with. Clinging to the hope that he might want to see you is not a good position for you.

My strong suggestion is for you to push him away a bit, go out, have some fun and do what he said he wants. Give him some space and let him see how that is for him. There is nothing better than space to allow him to assess how he feels. If you are always there he can never see what life is like without you.

It sounds like you have something to work with here. I am glad that you are happy about the chance of a continued relationship...i know it helps to keep depression at bay. Now use your head and start being smart about this, I believe in you and know you can do this.

[misombra]

i'm inclined to agree. in fact i was planning on telling you these things but sometimes i come off a little harsh, so i'm glad schueysgirl and cycletease said it.

it seems like he doesn't have to give you what you want because he's getting what he wants and you're not willing to stand up for yourself and say, "this is what i want, if you won't give it to me then leave me alone, don't call me and ask me out on a date, don't give me false hope and don't use me for sex i'm not going to keep having free love with you." that is what you want to say to him right? a lot of people are like that, not into the give and take, are just take take take until they've totally drained you.

many guys will say and do just about anything for free sex.

take control of this situation now or it will have control over you.

keep us posted. much luck.

[ka_xx]

hey guys, i definately know what you mean thanks for being so honest, and before reading your posts, I had already told him that I am figuring things out aswell, and that I am very calm and relaxed about this whole situation. Also, I don't say hi to him first online, and I don't call him or anything like that. But, one thing is for sure, I have told him that if I ever were to fall in love with him again (thats right I didnt say that if HE was to fall in love with ME, i made it clear that I was in need of convincing it will work), that would be the ONLY time we would continue to have sex. He understood completely, and said that was fine. I am a bit angry though because you are right, he is getting the best of both worlds, he doesnt have to be in a relationship but he still can hang out with me as if we were in one. (Minus the sex now). So I don't know what I will do, however, if he really wants me back then I think he should have to make a huge effort, not just have me hanging on by his side. After all, he hurt me. So yeah. But I am going to go out with my friends like usual, have fun, like I have been doing and enjoy life.

[cycletease]

My vote is that you limit contact with him for a while. Also, DO NOT have any more relationship talks with him. If you ask where things are going then you are not being casual.

I say you need to let him get lonely for a while...that does wonders for a man's perspective on a relationship.

[schueys_girl]

I dont think theres a lot more to say mate, we seem to have covered it all. Limit contact completely. Dont call him when your lonely, and try not to see him for quite some time. Like weve all said: he needs time to miss you, thats the only hope that you'll be able to get your relationship back on track, and he cant miss you when your still hanging out, no matter what your doing.
keep us posted, good luck -x-