She Loves me and I love her but I am not sure I am mature enough to except her 100%..

[lxsmileyxl]

OK this is tricky... She is 25 and I am about to be 21. I could argue that I am more mature then people my age because of what I have been through but when it comes to this girl I am not sure how to handle things. We had been together for a while and then we split up do to some health issues I was having, I felt that I needed to deal with them on my own.

Now things are back under control and she really wants me to take her back and I really do care about her, more then anyone I have ever known, I would do anything for her. She was my best friend, truly. But we had always had problems and I admit a lot of it was probably a result of me being immature in some way shape or form.

You see she is older then me and had a crazy past whereas I have always been "the nice guy". I didn't do drugs, I didnt drink, I didnt sleep around, and I have only had one GF before her (the only other girl I have ever slept with), so I dont have much of a "past" where she has done all of the above but has clearly cleaned up and left her past behind her and is now going to school to be a teacher. She has totally turned her life around. I love her for who she IS but I always get all uncomfortable when I think about who she WAS...

What does that mean? So far the only way I can interpret it is that there is part of me that wants to go out and do some crazy stuff still before I settle down, but while we have been apart I have gone on several dates, I have been hanging out with some crazy girls, and it just doesn't really excite me, I feel like the only reason Im spending time with these girls is to try to ease the discomfort I have regarding this girls past. I havent slept around or anything yet cuz I don't know, I enjoy spending my time with this girl, but then when Im with her I don't know how to accept her past and accept that she has done a lot more crazy stuff then I have in life.

What should I do? I am ashamed of myself for all this, I know I can be better but I don't know how to be.

[Darkest Heaven]

In past relationships I've been in, I've had those thoughts. I narrowed it down to "well she's DONE everything already! Can I show her something new"? In some cases, yes, in some, no. But here's what SHE has to ask herself. Even if YOU do everything that other people have done, will she stay because it's YOU doing it?

In my shoes, whenever I was with somebody that I was in love with, I'd always rather stay with the person instead of living a crazy life. When you have something good, don't look for something better.

Then again, I'm 22. *shrug*

[lxsmileyxl]

"well she's DONE everything already! Can I show her something new"

This hhelps me better describe my feelings. Im the kind of person who HATES watching a movie withsomeone who has already seen it because I want to share the new experiance so with us, I feel like she has done everything already, its like watching a movie with someone who has already seen it. I love her and enjoy being with her but there is a huge part of me who wants to experiance the Vegas for y 21st Bday thing alone but ugh idk! I dont freekin know.

[Darkest Heaven]

My ex kept telling me that it was different because it was with me. She lied, because during our bad times she compared me to her ex. The point is CAN you show her something new? And if not, don't feel too bad. People who have lived the crazy life usually go through everything to some extent, leaving me to wonder. I mean think of romantic ideas, or new places you know she hasn't been to.

As far as going to Vegas, you're starting to sound like an ex I have. She is "too young to settle down and wants to live life and see what's out there".... well if that's how you feel, tell your girl that. Don't put her through emotional hell with I don't knows, she deserves better than that.

[ktm390]

shit man i can tell you from first hand experience that it can go either way. depends if they were addicted to drugs or sex. i have had drug addict strippers for girls that have NEVER went back to their old style of life and been the best girls that you could ask for, but then me being and ex drug addict i know that if there was ever someone with a bunch of oh lets just say heroin i COULDNT say no even though i have been clean for god knows how long. but once you are an addict you are an addict. it takes an incredibly strong constitution to turn down drugs in front of your face after you have been addicted to them for many many years and that goes for sex or alcohol or whatever.

[lxsmileyxl]

"As far as going to Vegas, you're starting to sound like an ex I have. She is "too young to settle down and wants to live life and see what's out there".... well if that's how you feel, tell your girl that. Don't put her through emotional hell with I don't knows, she deserves better than that. "

That's the thing, I don't think I really DO want to do that kind of stuff, I think it's just an immature way of dealing with my discomfort, a way of saying "there, now we're even" which is stupid. It really should be about doing new things and stuff liek that.


"but once you are an addict you are an addict"

Her main problem is smoking, something I CAN'T live with. Since I have known her she has "quit" probably 3 times... Just in the last few days of thinking I have done I have realized that the drug thing is really stupid do get weirded out over since I FOR SURE have NO DESIRE to do any of that and it was simply a mistake she made in the past that she had to learn from. I plan on doing some research on addiction and stuff to maybe better understand it as a problem not a choice.

I know now for sure that the only problem here is within ME. It's all internal conflict that I have yet to learn how to properly deal with.

[Darkest Heaven]

Smoking is a mental addiction more than a chemical one for some people, me being one of them.

Your internal issues are part of maturing as a person. Give her space if you feel she deserves it, but don't keep her by your side to flip out one day. With these kind of thoughts, it WILL happen, and you WILL do things you'll regret.