Last edited by sweetkissesforu; 10-02-11 at 11:36 PM.
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde
What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
~ by Ralph Waldo Emerson ~
Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde
What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
~ by Ralph Waldo Emerson ~
I know how that is... being unemployed sux. I was unemployed last summer for 3 months and it nearly drove me insane. No income and I still had to pay $2000 alimony + $3000 child support per month. I seriously was gonna rob a bank or something.
I don't understand how a married couple can separate out bank accounts. I mean, everything belongs to both of you, especially money. You put it in a common pot to run the household. I'm sorry that your wife looks at money so significantly. It's true money is super important, but not as important as the marriage. Really...the marriage is way more important than all the money in the world. You can make more money, but the marriage doesn't heal itself. If she can't see that, then you guys have a long road ahead.
Maybe you should ask her to review her wedding vows "For better or for worse". For some reason she feels threatened by your present situation. If you are not struggling to the point of living a cardboard box then she better take a pill. I'm all for equal paying of the bills and having separate bank accounts. It prevents any fighting over money, so I feel this isn't about the money. You may have to work on communicating with her on other aspects of your relationship, like what you are doing with your spare time....are you plopping yourself down on the couch instead of getting dinner ready? How about sharing of the household chorse or the grocery shopping? If she is working full time and you are not, maybe she feels you should be picking up the slack on those things.
Actually marriage counselors do recomment separate bank accounts and one joint for just paying the bills. I've been with my husband for 21 years and we have never shared a bank account ever. His money is his and mine is mine. If he wants to go out and buy a big screen TV or a harley davison that's alright by me, it's his dough. We have never fought over money ever. It does work.
If it works for you guys, that's great. IMHO I don't think money should be separated out because it creates a barrier that shouldn't exist. What's wrong with husband buying a big screen with common funds and you get to enjoy it too? What's wrong with husband getting a Harley and you get to ride it too? If people advocate separation to that extent, then the relationship is more like dating rather than a marriage. Again, to each his own, I am not one to judge. I actually like the idea of having my own separate money, but I never expect it within a marriage.
Separation doesn't mean a barrier. A lot of fights in marriages is based on money issues. It's not just about purchases it also being responable for one's depts. Why should a dept caused by one be the responasability of both? That causes huge friction. And the decision of what is to be purchased with this pooled money can cause arguments. It isn't fair to work your ass off only to have your spouse spend it and you not seeing a dime of it. So once the funds have gone to the bills, the rest should be saved or spent by whomever earned it. It's all 50/50 in my house. He make more money than I do, but I don't expect him to pay out more because of that. I need a car, I buy it with my own money. I don't expect him to pay for it because he brings in more money. I don't think that's fair at all. I know men get are the ones that get shafted in marriages when it comes to money. I understand how they get shafted in divorce as well. I have more symapthy for the hard working male population.
As for the TV, I didn't want it and as for the Harley I don't care for bikes. All that is his deal. I'm saving my money for a 1932 rat rod lol.
Almost every functioning marriage I know of, the couple maintains their own separate accounts and maybe one or two for joint expenses, my hubby and I included. I don't feel I have a right to his hard-earned pay, and he has no right to mine. He earns more than I do, so he pays proportionately more of the expenses. By having my own account, I don't have to listen to him getting all pissy about me spending money on stuff I like that he thinks is crap, and vice versa. If we want a new tv or something we're both going to use we put it on the joint Visa and pay it off.
I think pooling our money would be freakin AWFUL.
Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. - Mohandas Gandhi