I posted here a while back. I was in a relationship with my now ex boyfriend for about exactly a year. I connected with him on a level I had never connected with somebody else, and I truly love him. But our relationship was not good. While in it, I believed I shared the blame.
The first thing I found out was that he was flirting via text messaging with a girl he had known in hs.
The second thing was that he was secretly (even though I didn't mind) texting his ex girlfriend. He arranged to have lunch with her while I would be in class.
The third thing was coming to surprise him after work to find a married woman in his apartment with him. He swore it was nothing for hours. Yelled at me, cussed at me, threw things, called me names because I wasn't believing his bullshit. Turns out he'd been flirting with her for about a month and she'd sent several explicit pictures and they'd had dinner a couple times.
The fourth thing happened when we broke up for a day following this... he immediately had sex with the ex girlfriend he had lied about before.
The fifth thing is that I found out he had still been with this woman when he started dating me.
He told me absolutely none of this. I found it all out on my own, and every time he wouldn't confess even after he knew I knew, sometimes it would take days.
After this, nothing happened for 6 months. I'm very sure of it because I stupidly dedicated all of my energy and time into checking everything. He didn't know, but I had all of his passwords. Things were perfect for a while. We were truly happy.
He got a new job that had a very active happy hour culture. At least 3 or 4 times a week all the employees would go hang out at a bar together. 80 percent of these employees were attractive, single women. This caused a lot of fights... he wanted to go and I wasn't ready for that to happen that often, since the woman I found in his apartment had been a coworker at his previous job. It got to the point where every time there was a work outing, we would fight. One night, we were in bed cuddling. We'd had a wonderful day, finally, after a pretty bad week. He got a phone call from a friend, Hannah. She asked him if he wanted to go barhopping with her. He said no. About 5 minutes later he picked a ridiculous fight with me about the tv being too loud. I didn't want to fight so I just turned it off and said it didn't matter, I just wanted to be there with him. He then picked up his phone, called his friend Mark, and said "hey, let's go barhopping with Hannah" and went to get dressed. I got pretty pissed and then he told me he wanted a break. I told him that I sort of needed a break from the fighting but I wasn't going to give us a break just so he could go fool around with somebody and then have me back. If we were to take a break, it would just be a week or two, and we would be faithful. He promised me this.
He came over to my family's for Thanksgiving, still. It had already been planned and I didn't want to have to make excuses to my family and have them worry about our relationship. He came over and it was perfect, really a great holiday. That next morning, I logged onto his old email. He never used it, but I would check it because all of his fb notifications would go there. There was an email from his cell phone with 6 attachments. I opened it up, and there were nude pictures of one of his friends. I drove to his apartment and confronted him and he denied it all, true to form. I didn't say anything, just left. Then Christmas came. Same thing... I hadn't told my family yet. I was embarrassed. He asked to come and I said okay. The day before I stopped by his apartment (i still had a key) to tell him that while he was there I didn't want him touching me or kissing me or anything. I walked in, and on his open computer was a conversation with the first girl through which he told her "maybe you have a thing for me like i have a thing for you". He yelled and screamed at me for about an hour about what a "crazy bitch" i am for considering that flirting. But anyway, I found out he was at lunch with her. He called me at that moment, and I got him to make up this whole elaborate lie about being at his friend Chris's. I then called him a liar, he yelled at me, and I told him to go to hell. And that was it.
He's been texting me or calling me every day telling me that he loves me and misses me. I didn't respond for a while, but recently I did. He actually just told me the truth for the first time ever. But it makes me sick and it breaks my heart. He called a few days ago saying he wanted to be honest with me... and broke the news that a week after we split he had sex with the girl from the email pictures. He also had sex twice with his friend's wife. That floored me completely. And then he told me that he'd been texting the woman I found in his apartment, had taken her to lunch the day before. And that he had now cut all contact with all of them and knew that I'm the only thing he wants.
I don't know if I should be happy that he was honest with me. I told him to be. I told him I wanted to know if something happened. But it hurts so much. And I thought after all of this that I would hate him. But I don't. I love him. And I feel really sorry for him... and angry that we're missing out on what our relationship would have been if he had been faithful and honest.
He wasn't good to me when we fought. He didn't care when he made me cry. I've always been a very rational person. I like to calmly talk things through. I value listening and communicating. But when I would tell him how I felt, he would either say "you shouldn't feel like that" or "that's not true", or he would simply ignore me and turn on the tv. He would spend hours staring past me like I didn't exist while I begged him to hear me, to listen, to say anything at all. I also was always trusting. I was a firm believer in privacy, I never looked at my other ex's phone or email and I never wanted to. I've always been so calm, and he had my hysterical. Screaming and crying and helpless. He would break things, he would yell at me, he would call me names. He said it was all because of me, because of the way I acted.
But man... when it was good, it was so good. It was wonderful.
I know that this is it. I know that there is nothing good for me with him and I have to move on. But I just feel broken. I can't see myself with anybody but him. I don't know what to tell him. He started going to therapy twice a week, as his first step to "trying to get me back" and change. I think he can and will change... but I think that change is a long time coming and I can't let him hurt me more while I wait for it.
I guess I just need some support. I also feel like this has made me so pessimistic about relationships. Even when I look at people around me in good relationships, I feel sure that the guy has at least once been unfaithful. I don't want to trust anybody again.