Thinking of doing something crazy

[zipzap]

Hi, I'm new to the forum.

Here's the story:

There's a beautiful girl who I met about 1 year ago and have wanted to go out with, but did not, except for a cup of coffee once. I did ask her out twice, but she gave me mixed signals in her replies (she said yes, but she's busy and will let me know...but she never got back to me). So I took it as a rejection and did not ask again. But we continued to be friendly...and I continued to be attracted to her. And I felt all along that she likes me too (I could see it in her eyes).

A few weeks ago, to everyone's surprise (in our social circle), she suddenly announces on Facebook that she's engaged!! I was devastated and shocked. I went through several days of depression - poor appetite and insomnia - and beating myself up for not trying harder to get a date. I and others were totally surprised for 2 reasons: 1. she kept it a secret from everybody, didn't even say she was seeing someone; 2. she never seemed like the type to get married and settle down (happily single, goes on dates but AFAIK has never had a relationship (until now)) (this is also part of the reason I wasn't more aggressive in trying to date her).

Anyway, about the crazy thing I want to do... I could just pray the engagement breaks off, but I don't think it's likely. So what I want to do is ask her out on a date. I'd tell her that I've liked her since we met, and for whatever reason, we never dated. I'd say I know you're engaged, but it's not as if you're married yet, and I think you should consider me.

Am I crazy? Has this ever been done? Please help.

[ktm390]

not a good idea. one reason is you might get your ass kicked! if i was engaged to a girl and found her on a date with someone else i would kick some ass! then dump her scandalous ass. another reason is why would you want to break up a relationship. even though if she is engaged and goes on a date with you then she is a ****in whore! another reason is why would you want to be with someone that would go on a date with someone while she was engaged?!?!?!? many more reasons but i'm too tired to list any more. but really man??? really?? ****

[carl1222]

I agree with KTM. The fact that you have had feelings for her for a long time is absolutely no justification for trying to put a wedge in her relationship with her new fiance! It's selfish (and most likely futile). Find a single girl and leave her (and her boyfriend) alone.

[BeingAlpha]

Anyone else want to throw in there that it won't work? What the hell is wrong with you man? It seems there have been a preponderance of people (mostly guys) on here recently who think that what works in hollywood works in real life. Stop watching all the john cusack movies and get over it. If she wasn't in to you enough to give you a solid date (ie: the two times you asked her out)...why in the hell would she give you a date now that she is ENGAGED? You being full fledged in love (or more realistically in lust) with this girl has no bearing on her feelings for you!!!! Everyone is in this forum because they were full fledged in love with someone and that person who we were actually in RELATIONSHIPS with decided that they no longer loved us or at least not enough to continue down a path with the relationship.

You tried twice so don't beat yourself up and say that you should have could have -- you tried and she said no... this is a terrible idea -- I wish I could give out demerit points for bad ideas :-)

[DarkHelmet82]

you dont even know the girl dude....

[zipzap]

OK, it was a stupid idea. I was desperate and didn't know what to do. In all likelihood, I wouldn't have dared to do it, even if you all had encouraged me.

So now I'm trying to come to terms with it, but still hope they'll break up (not nice, I know). Worst of all, I still have no idea why she didn't want me and what she sees in him. She was unattached when I met her, so there must have been some reason. I don't know the guy, so it's unfair of me to judge, but he looks like an average shmo while she's a superstar.

[zipzap]

another reason is why would you want to be with someone that would go on a date with someone while she was engaged?!?!?!?

Because I thought that I'm the one she really loves.

[zipzap]

I agree with KTM. The fact that you have had feelings for her for a long time is absolutely no justification for trying to put a wedge in her relationship with her new fiance! It's selfish (and most likely futile). Find a single girl and leave her (and her boyfriend) alone.

OK, time to close this chapter, I guess (which I'll do after the wedding).

[zipzap]

Everyone is in this forum because they were full fledged in love with someone and that person who we were actually in RELATIONSHIPS with decided that they no longer loved us or at least not enough to continue down a path with the relationship.

I guess I should be thankful for not being in a relationship with her and then dumped; that would've been much worse.

[SelflessnHumble]

Newsflash: YOU NEVER KNEW HER!!!!
You are crazy, delusional, and fanatically obsessed with someone who never liked you at all period.
What you saw in her eyes was probably an allergic reaction to the pollen this time of year, not because you were there...

[SelflessnHumble]

I guess I should be thankful for not being in a relationship with her and then dumped; that would've been much worse.

This is a horrible outlook.
You will never grow nor develop without experiences. Getting dumped, hurt and or cheated on/lied to is how we learn...

[DarkHelmet82]

This is a horrible outlook.
You will never grow nor develop without experiences. Getting dumped, hurt and or cheated on/lied to is how we learn...

Hes absolutley right.. getting your heart broken sucks, but it happens to us all..

Selfless gives good advice.. the advice he gave me was good... it didnt work but it was good because it helped me realize it's not me... she was a psycho.

[sweetkissesforu]

Yes you are crazy she announced her engagement which means she is commited to this relationship move on

[BeingAlpha]

OK, it was a stupid idea. I was desperate and didn't know what to do. In all likelihood, I wouldn't have dared to do it, even if you all had encouraged me.

So now I'm trying to come to terms with it, but still hope they'll break up (not nice, I know). Worst of all, I still have no idea why she didn't want me and what she sees in him. She was unattached when I met her, so there must have been some reason. I don't know the guy, so it's unfair of me to judge, but he looks like an average shmo while she's a superstar.

Because looks aren't everything...never have been never will be. Maybe the guy had a great personality? Maybe he is genuine...he was definitely confident enough to strike up a conversation with her -- convince her that marrying him was a good idea. Doesn't matter one lick what you think of the guy - get over it I've both dated girls that were "out of my league" and girls that I was "out of their league" -- all in personal preference.

[integragsr8411]

Hey man its not that big of deal if she is a friend in your circle then you should have known she ewas dating. Also its facebook I have tons of friends that are of opposite sex of one another and they jokingly put engaged or married to its funny as hell to see peoples reactions. You might need to relax