Please help!

[lionheart153]

Hi there, this girl and I are having troubles and I need some insight

We have been friends for more then 2 years now. We both moved to the big city from smaller places and met through work. at the time I met her she was dating a person that had been her best friend, or really good friend for many years. But he was both mentally and physically abusive. They broke up a few months after I met her. At the time we just met and neither of us took alot of steps to get to know one another. And then when I found out she was single I thought maybe i'd pursue her, but it have been about 4-6 months since her break up and someone else had already taken that opportunity and she was no longer single.

That boyfriend was different he was a nice person and did not treat her the way her last one had treated her. He was in a sense something she had never seen and never been treated that way before. they dated for a little over 2 years. during this time me and her began to hang out more and more. We eventually became close friends, where she would talk to me about her problems with dating or work or friends and i would do the same. Later on we both admitted that there was something their between us but we never acted on it because she had a boyfriend and I was the typical "nice guy" and wouldn't do anything like that. Her boyfriend and her broke up in the fall of 2010 and it was because he began to go to raves and do E and party all the time with his friends, while she tried to be apart of it, eventually she realized thats not what she wanted. several fights between them had been surrounded by this topic and they had previously broke up over it but gotten back together. But it was the final straw for her. she gave him an ultimatum, that he would stop with the raves and drugs and have her, or she would leave. He choose the drugs and raves. the next month and a half he tried to get her back, but he would not stop going to raves, he only offered that he would stop the drugs, because his friends all still went to the raves he wanted to go all the time. during this time of there break up i had stayed away from her, because I knew her bf didn't like me much and probably senses things were not normal. And as a good person I did not want to mess them up either. After her break up she tried to reach out to me, but I was lackluster there because I knew i had feelings for her. I did not want to be that friend again to listen because I know that I wouldn’t be able to handle it.

By Christmas I had begun to give in and started hanging out with her more, unknown to me but she was still rejecting her ex-boyfriends attempts to get back together. She kept wanting us to spend new years together, but I let her know that I wasn’t sure. Unknown to me again she finally attempted to contact her ex during the holidays only to have him not text back. When new years came, I had no plans and stayed at home because I had to work the next day. She went out and partied but after midnight, she called me. She left a crazy voicemail saying happy new years and called my work line which I always keep on me. She was walking home from the bar but I knew that it was about a 3 hour walk back home from the bar she was at and it was -21 degrees outside. So I said I’d go pick her up, as I was worried. She was getting scared I guess being all alone and you never know what could happen. While on route to pick her up she suggested we go grab some food. I said sure. When I picked her up she said she had food at home and if I wanted she would cook something up for me instead and we could chill and watch a movie at her place. Again I agreed. When we got to her place we made no food. Instead we cuddled and passed out together. It was something we both did not expect

After that night I tried to ignore it but me feelings for her resurfaced. She eventually confronted me and asked why I was behaving so awkwardly around her. I told her I liked her and that I had feelings. She told me she didn’t know what she was feeling but something was there because she is not the type to just cuddle with someone. She finds intimate stuff extremely personal and does not do it to anyone. I tend to overthink but she told me to let things go with the flow, so I did. And for once I didn’t over think the situation after hanging out a few more times one night I dared to kiss her, and she kissed me back. We had a great night together. And the next day we continued with that, but we did not have sex. We began to hang out a lot, almost everyday, every now and then she would have something to complain about or take a tiny issue and make it a bit bigger then it was. And one night after going to the bar together with her best friend, who must have approved to me, she began kissing me outside her place and invited me up. We were fooling around and being both a bit tipsy impulsively started to have sex. She stopped halfway and felt terrible because she musta thought she was being a whore or easy or something. I reassured her but we never did continue with the sex.

The next week was alright we chilled a lot nothing extreme. Came one morning driving her to class she freaked out on me about not giving her space because I asked if she wanted to get dinner later. I was shocked and tried to leave it but it upset me. So I decided to make plans with another friend that night to blow off steam. She later texted saying she wanted to go for dinner but when she heard I had made plans got mad again. So I went to pick her up to talk about it. And she was panicing saying she thought I was replacing her and she was worried because she felt like she was nothing to me. I reassured her and hung out that night. The next day we had an intimate morning together and that was all good. But the following weekend I was going back home to visit so I would be gone for a few days. When I went back home she went out with her friend to party because they had the next day off. She began to miss me a lot and started texting me non-stop. She called me at 5 in the morning because she missed me so much. To which I promised I would return a day early to see her.

When I did get home we had sex, this time there was nothing wrong and we both enjoyed it. It was an amazing night. She also decided that we should be officially seeing each other as we had kept it a secret before. The following night was also good we hung out. The next night however she said to me that she misses being just friends when we did not have any physical displays between us. That hurt me so I pressed into it to see why. She turned out she was having a break down over the last relationship so I decided to be there for her and listen and let her let it all out. After she wanted to see me so I went over and she hugged me and we sat and talked. Eventually she got into it and we had sex but she stopped halfway saying she couldn’t do it and we talked more and I tried to help her out of her feelings in the end it was a good thing for her. The next day we woke up and we had sex and this time we didn’t stop. After that I thought things would be rough but maybe it could work out. But after discussing with a friend he suggested that she needs a friend more then anything and she isn’t ready to date. To which I agreed I began to try to distance myself, she didn’t like it but after explaining it to and a day later she understood and we agreed, I told he I would wait and hope that when she was ready she would give me another shot. This was the weekend before valentines day, and I had bought tickets to the hockey game on the 13th and got flowers ordered for the 14th.

We decided that we would go to the game as friends and we did we had a lot of fun and I could tell she was flirting a lot with me. That night she told me she thinks this friend thing may be possible after all. After the night ended as she was walking back she turned around and came back at me, but at the last second she stopped because a car behind me scared her off and she went back inside. Later she was texting me and said she wanted to come back to kiss me. Valentines day came and she had made plans to go with her single friend and her girlfriends to party, but I was originally invited. I sent her roses at work and she was happy. Afterwards she decided that me coming would be a bad idea which I agreed. She began texting me at 5 am tellingme she missed me again. The next day I went to see her and she kissed me right away. After I got home from school and stuff we went got food with her friend who stayed over and hung out, just layed on her bed and cuddled. When I had to leave, she wouldn’t kiss me and said sorry for doing so in the morning and this upset me. Later on the phone she told me that she does care for me but then she over thinks things and thinks what if it doesn’t work and stuff. She said she was 24 this year and shes not looking to just date, she wants it to be the last one if she is to date again. And I guess she isn’t 100% sure of me. Her issue with her ex is done and over with it seems, she doesn’t care anymore but she keeps saying she isn’t ready to date and she prob isn’t 100% sure of me yet.

This is where I’m stuck. I have been there for her this whole time but I’m coming up to a cliff now. She says she doesn’t want to lose me but she isn’t ready, and I believe in part its because shes not sure. I reassured her that I wasn’t there to just mess around. And that I was looking for something serious. This morning while driving her to work, I gave her a hug and told her that everything will be ok, and that we need to let things come as they come an go with the flow and to stop overthinking, as this was originally her suggestion. But we seemed to have switched spots. And shes thinking to much about everything. That’s it I think I know that was long but I wanted to give detail I hope that I can get some good insight on what to do. Please and thank you

[girl68]

dude, ya head of a paragragh. Jesus. I'm not reading that.

[lionheart153]

sorry ill edit it

[girl68]

LOL I'm still not reading that, that's way too long.

[lionheart153]

thats fine then.

[carl1222]

Hey, it's only been a month and a half and she is not long off a long-term relationship, so her behavior is a bit understandable for now. If you really like this girl, you might want to give her a little more time to settle into being with you. I'd give it a few more months. But that's just me ... it's up to you what risks you are willing to take.

Carl.