I really need some advice..........

[senzafine85]

The man I am living with no longer wants a relationship because he doesn't think it will work out. We've had problems and I've said some stupid things I truly regret and keep trying to show him how sorry I am but I don't think it matters...........he says he loves me but isn't in love with me. He does show me some affection and calls to check up on me when hes at work. He used to have really strong feelings for me, and I wonder if he still does......... He knows I am talking to another guy and he knows the guy asked me out on a date. He says he doesn't get jealous but hes made some snide comments about how I've only met and talked to the guy for a week.

Problem is I don't want to date this other guy or anyone else, because I love this man too much. More than anything I would like to try and get him back but I don't know how. I've read some advice where people say that if you better yourself and act like you're doing just fine without the guy, he will start to want you back. Since I am living under the same roof as him, I'm not sure how to go about this. Does ignoring them work? Is he jealous over me talking to someone else but not going to admit it? Because when he said he didnt want a relationship with me, I asked him if he wanted me to see someone else. His response? "I'm not going to answer that". Not sure what he meant by that, but more than anything I just want to win his heart back, so any advice on how to do it?

[AA11390]

I actually went through a very similar thing you are not to long ago, minus the fact of living together..from what i have read and heard, the best way to go about this is to be counter-intuative with almost everything you currently want to do such as reasoning and talking it out with him..talking with him and using logicc or manipulation tactics usually doesn't work, he would have to come to the realization that you are the one he truly wants to be with on his own..yeah basically just live your life for you, go out with friends and get your mind off things by keeping urself occupied..its human nature to want what he can't have, and sometimes you don't realize how great something u have is until its gone, so i dont know how ur gonna do it in ur case, but if u can make urself dissapear from him somehow, then thats wat i would be doing in your shoes..

hope this helps a little...

[senzafine85]

Thanks so much for your advice, I want to take things slow and show him that I can change, that I can be the same woman he was falling for in the beginning. Whenever we are in the same room together, hes always trying to get my attention. always asking me if I am okay........I read somewhere that guys feelings don't change they just become suppressed. Is this true? I still feel like he does have those feelings for me......but yeah I think I should just take it slow and focus on other things.
He doesn't like it when I ignore him, most of the time he will come over to me and hug me or kiss me. Does this also mean he still wants me in his life? I get so confused at times..........I have even asked him to tell me how he feels about me. He just won't tell me anything...........or if I say something like, why should anything bother you, you don't have those feelings for me anymore........he always comes back with "you don't know how I feel" I don't know but its complicating and all I know is I love him with everything inside of me and I want to do whatever it takes to get him back.

[AA11390]

personally, if i knew that I didn't have feelings for someone anymore, no matter what the other person did or didn't do wouldn't effect me in the slightest..it seems like u are effecting him in a way though..sometimes guys avoid being vulnerable by supressing their feelings by ignoring or just refusing to think about something aka having a guard up. It seems that your bf is very guarded for some reason..also, if u are seeing another guy, it probably makes his guard go up even more so that he doesnt get hurt if you leave him for the guy..Because of ego purposes, youll never know if he is truly jealous or anything unfortunately, but by being open with him, which u should be in a healthy relationship, maybe you can bring his guard down a few notches and work things out...if he is so guarded that no matter how hard u try u cant get to him, maybe u do need to distance yourself from him for a while, because like i said before, sometimes u gotta think u lost what u have before u realize how good it was..

p.s im sorry if im not making sense lol, i took sleeping pills like an hour and change ago and its starting to REALLYYYY kick in haha...well goodluck with ur situation!!

[senzafine85]

No you make perfect sense lol and thanks again =]
I'm going to give it my best, and I don't plan on dating the other guy, just hanging out
because I need to have some fun, but I'd never do anything that I knew would hurt
the man I love's feelings.

[AlwaysAnxious]

I think if a guy really loves you then he wouldn't act this way. I know it's so hard to accept but you have to move on. Also, men will get jealous even when they don't want someone anymore. They just don't want anyone else to have them either. I hope you work things out somehow.