Girlfriend wants to stop having sex b/c she wants to be closer to God

[JJ26]

Hi everyone, looking for some help in this situation I've found myself thrown into. Less than a week a ago my girlfreind of 3 yrs and 1 child "not biologically mine" comes over, we chill watch a movie and after out of nowhere shes all excited to hand this paper with quotations from the Bible and expressing her concerns about having sex before marriage. Now she sees it as sinful and not respecting God. lets just say I played it as cool as I could. I kept the conversation short before I said something I'd regret "wouldn't you". We decided to finish it another day. Now before I'm crucified by some out there I want to share that I am in love with her and sex is far from the only reason I'm with her but it obviously plays a role in a realtionship. I'm not sure if this helps but shes in her early thirties and I'm 27


I've got alot of possibilities floating through my head as to what is going on but I really need to get some other point of views male or female thank you everyone in advance.

[smackie9]

I find people like that to be mentally unstable. If she can't think logically and is brainwashed so quickly into thinking that this is a good idea, it would be my recommendation to end the relationship. You just took a backseat to her life. This will never work if you both share different lifestyle views.

[smackie9]

You are 27, you have plenty of time to find a more suitable mate.

[smackie9]

If you think it's a ploy to get married then you have a even bigger issue on your hands.

[MerryH]

There's no option in your poll that says "She's being honest about wanting to be closer to God." What makes you think she's playing some sort of game?

[Fabulous]

There's no option in your poll that says "She's being honest about wanting to be closer to God." What makes you think she's playing some sort of game?

Agreed. You're not thinking about this from her perspective.

[SelflessnHumble]

We cannot force OUR thoughts, feelings, emotions, nor *beliefs* onto our partners. These are HER choice to make, NOT your own.

Now, if she tells you her reasons, and they aren't good enough for you?
You need to leave the relationship but YOU are the one who has trust issues, not her.

If she wants to be closer to God, and if she feels not having sex brings her closer to God? Who are you to argue with that? Exactly.
All you can do is express your disagreement and discuss your feelings on the matter.

The fact of the matter is: Your refusal of acceptance is warranted...Two people cannot stay together without accepting who they are.

[smackie9]

On another note....it's not fair to already allow sex then doing a 180 and say you can't have it anymore unless you marry me because God says so.......if my guy did that to me I would tell him to go F uck himself.

[SelflessnHumble]

On another note....it's not fair to already allow sex then doing a 180 and say you can't have it anymore unless you marry me because God says so.......if my guy did that to me I would tell him to go F uck himself.

It's not about being fair! It's about her new found faith and wanting to be closer to God.
She has that right. If you would go tell your man to, "Go F uck yourself" Then clearly you have issues with acceptance.

[JJ26]

hey everyone 1 st thanks for responding. I have yet to argue with any decsion she has made. No line has been drawn in the sand or have I made an ultimatum. Right now I'm just trying to collect my thoughts its obvious she had time to think this though which is great as well as I needed to. So as of now nothing more has been brought up yet but obviously a deeper conversation will happen in the next 2 days. To be honest I can see where she could be coming from.

[JJ26]

But my concern is how can some just "turn" of the intimate fact like a light swit just like that. I mean for instance if we just started going out maybe 3-6 months example i could be more responsiv but after 3 years together and her saying she hasn't been happier in her whole life really draws a few more questions to the table i would say

[JJ26]

Smackie thats kind of why I have been a little leary the past year. i felt that a some times she's like the wind with certain ideas or we could say she can be gullible at times. Quick example, she has went from being christian to recently had been interested in messianic judism because somethone has been preaching this to her. Now in my opinion thats fine I'm not here to change anybodies new found faith but when i end up researching and knowing more about the background religion in one night than her and she already on board it kind of scares me to think she doesnt think twice about decisions in life, There are others examples than this religious one but this one is the most relevent
sorry for the typos had been on my blackberry.

[JJ26]

also this isn't something new for her I guess thats my issue with it. she has been reading the bible here and there since before I met her and grew up knowing this same information throughout her life, it's not like she just read some brand new passage. Now also in her past she had been married already twice before, which doesnt make a necessary deal breaker ppl have pasts right and has a 7 year old child? If some of would plz put yourself in my shoes for a moment what would be your honest thougtht process? I mean do I just roll over and say okay no problem everything is great I won't try to be intimate, make love with you or have sex with anyone else till we get married?

[girl68]

It's all good of "new found faith" but if she's really found this faith she should be consistant with it and know her stuff. There's a lot more than abstaining from sex that "makes you closer to God" I mean is she aware of preaching, praying, attending church, voluteering? Amoung thousands of other things that God wishes for his children to do.

To me is sounds like she's trying to find SOMETHING to have faith in and she's choosing God, and there's nothing inherently wrong in that. However I don't think she's doing it the "right" way. I think you should try to bring up the other ways in which she can connect with God, but at the same time not risk your relationship by telling you intimiamcy is no longer a part of your relationship. If you're good and committed, I don't see why she can't be physically involved with you WHILE being close to God.

[JJ26]

thanks for the response girl 68 she does read the bible, at night couple times a week and says a pray before bed really she just tries to be a good person she says she wants to follow the rituals of the bible. The fact that she is trying to find something to have faith in has ben fine for me but its i guess how she has seemed to jump into to something without taing a step back and questioning it and do some research. One of the truths is after recieving this information it did make my heart hurt. any guys out there that are down to share what they think they would do in this circumstance and how to go about it when its brought up in a lengthy discussion thats going to take place in a couple of days?