no feelings after date

[bob2011]

hey, i need help with this situation.

i went on a date with this girl last night, well i say date, i went round to her house for dinner and watch a movie. she really likes me but i wasn't too sure so i thought "if i don't give it a try i'll never know". i went to hers, we ate and had a glass of wine (i was drivin so i didn't drink much). so anyway we were watchin the movie and started kissing, then we ended up going upstairs and having sex.

i went with the intension of not having sex because if my feelings didn't change i could just end it and go back to being friends. but i don't know if the glass of wine relaxed me or we were just caught up in the moment but it happened and im not proud of myself.

my feelings haven't changed, normally when i like a girl i can't stop thinking of them and want to be with them, but i just feel.... emptiness and guilt. i know she likes me alot so this could end badly.

i guess my question is, how do i tell her how i feel without making it seem like i only wanted sex.

[vashti]

... you DID only want sex. That's what your behavior demonstrates.

I guess you should learn a lesson here: if a girl is romantically interested in you, you must be more direct about what you are thinking. Most women in her position would have hoped your feelings had deepened, because that is often what sex does for us.

[bob2011]

i didn't want sex, if i did i would have gone there with the intension. i wanted to go and get to know her a bit better, see what she is like away from everyone else, just have a laugh and see if anything developed.

the reason i didn't want to have sex straight away is because i knew it would make things awkward if i didn't feel different, and it has

[hello1]

But you did have sex with her and now you made yourself look like an dirty rat who was after sex and thats it.

[bob2011]

i unsderstand how it makes me look, it was one of those times u get caught up in the moment. but if, like what vashti says, some girls use sex to get someone to have deeper feelings then why is it me whos the dirty rat.

i'd told her before the date i was worried that her feelings for me were alot stronger than what i had for her because she has liked me for a while now, so if she has used sex as a tool to make me like her then this could be easier than i thought

[xxazurexx]

You always had a choice and you choose to get naked.

Just because you got naked though, doesn't mean you owe her anything. Sounds like she was more than willing and offered it up without any prompting.

Be a man and be honest.

[qwertz]

i unsderstand how it makes me look, it was one of those times u get caught up in the moment. but if, like what vashti says, some girls use sex to get someone to have deeper feelings then why is it me whos the dirty rat.

i'd told her before the date i was worried that her feelings for me were alot stronger than what i had for her because she has liked me for a while now, so if she has used sex as a tool to make me like her then this could be easier than i thought

Do you actually want to see her again? If not, then just be honest and if you really dont want to make the same mistake twice- then dont!

[xxazurexx]

i unsderstand how it makes me look, it was one of those times u get caught up in the moment. but if, like what vashti says, some girls use sex to get someone to have deeper feelings then why is it me whos the dirty rat.

i'd told her before the date i was worried that her feelings for me were alot stronger than what i had for her because she has liked me for a while now, so if she has used sex as a tool to make me like her then this could be easier than i thought

Some females tend to think and that if they give sex, the man is then obligated to her and it will ensue a relationship follows....or she hopes a relationship will follow.

Some females are dumb and think sex is what it takes to get a mans interest and keep it...

In future, don't get bare with women you have no interest in and especially when you know she is really into you.

It can be misleading.

[vashti]

i unsderstand how it makes me look, it was one of those times u get caught up in the moment. but if, like what vashti says, some girls use sex to get someone to have deeper feelings then why is it me whos the dirty rat.

i'd told her before the date i was worried that her feelings for me were alot stronger than what i had for her because she has liked me for a while now, so if she has used sex as a tool to make me like her then this could be easier than i thought

What? That's not what I said at all. I said, women tend to become more emotionally involved once they have sex. She may be hoping (after the fact) that you think like she does. Don't try playing the victim here.

[bob2011]

Do you actually want to see her again? If not, then just be honest and if you really dont want to make the same mistake twice- then dont!

i don't want to see her in a romantic way again, i don't feel anything for her and its not fair to lead her on thinking theres something there when it just isn't. however i do see her often with my group of friends so letting her down gentley is my only option.

[bob2011]

What? That's not what I said at all. I said, women tend to become more emotionally involved once they have sex. She may be hoping (after the fact) that you think like she does. Don't try playing the victim here.

Most women in her position would have hoped your feelings had deepened, because that is often what sex does for us.

thats how i read it, if thats not what you mean then i apologise,

did you mean sex for women deepens you're feelings and she may have hoped it had done the same for me?

[xxazurexx]

thats how i read it, if thats not what you mean then i apologise,

did you mean sex for women deepens you're feelings and she may have hoped it had done the same for me?

Sheesh.

Yes...it can deepen our feelings for a man.

Also, if a woman has sex with you, it usually means that she's feeling something 'emotional' for you.

And she assumes the man who has sex with her, is feeling the same way as she is and that he's having sex with her because he is feeling something too.

Some women don't understand that men can have sex and just to gratify a sexual urge and they don't need have feelings for a woman to have sex with her.

[Dolmetscher]

Boy these kinds of posts always get so overly complicated once people start posting THEIR feelings rather than actual advice.

The facts are, you liked her as a friend. She wants to be more than friends. You weren't sure if you did. You went over to her house. You had sex. You know now that you really don't like as more than just a friend.

Where's the problem?!?

Sure, it isn't going to be the most pleasant thing for a woman to hear, that a man she had sex with has decided that he isn't interested in perusing a relationship with her. But let's dial that ego back a few notches buddy. You will not KILL HER with this information. Nothing in life is fair. She rolled the dice, and it didn't pan out in her favor. I am sure this has happened to you. Lord knows it has happened to me. It has happened to all of us.

Just be straight forward. Be honest. And tell her. And move on with your life. No obscure lessons learned. No guilt. No nothing. Just move on.

[xxazurexx]

Boy these kinds of posts always get so overly complicated once people start posting THEIR feelings rather than actual advice.

Nothing wrong in giving guys a little insight into how females tick.

And he DID get advice. Common sense advice at that! Don't get naked with a woman you feel nothing for and who you know has feelings for you.

Or are you just a tart who takes what he can and without giving a shit about the feelings of others?