How do you "Take a Break" in a relationship?

[Dolmetscher]

I have never been in a relationship like the one that I am in right now. I love her with all my heart, but she is just SO scattered right now. When we met, everything was great. Better than great! It was amazing! She had plenty of money. I did too. All was well in our lives. And then all of the sudden, she had some pretty catastrophic money issues happen. And she has been scrambling ever since to rebuild her whole life basically.

I genuinely cannot do anything for her. I would say that all I can do is support her, but she hates it when I say encouraging things like, "Everything's going to be okay" etc. She has started snapping at me, "I don't need your advice, and you are not my therapist." We used to text each other sweet little messages all the time. Now, overnight she barely texts me at all. She used to call me all the time, and now she rarely even answers the phone.

Under any other circumstances, I would have bailed on this relationship a month ago when all this bullshit started. But I KNOW that all of the problems come from her absolutely throwing herself into her job to try and save the ship from sinking. She never answers her phone because she spends 23 hours a day on the phone with clients. She doesn't text, because she isn't even thinking of me anymore... she has her mind on the 45 emails piling up in her inbox, and the appointment with a client that she's already 10 minutes late for. So I have a hard time just being like, "Screw this!" and leaving her. Because for 9 months prior to this, she was my little princess who was my love and my best friend. I'd hope she would cut me the same slack if I ever hit a bad spell.

But now... after this past weekend, I really think that we need a break. I've never said that before, because I always just thought that "Let's take a break." was a cowardly thing that weak people say that can't admit when something was just dead in the water over. And well, now I either am admitting that there is such a thing as a healthy break, or that I am just now that weak person that can't admit it.

Anyway... how does it work? I believe in structure. I don't believe in, "Let's just see what happens." Because I'll tell you what will happen. I will meet someone else in about 2 weeks, have sex with them, and then it will all be over. Because she'll ask, and I am not going to lie. Or also... what might happen is, we agree to take a break, and then we just never stop calling each other, and there never was a break.
So... what does it mean to take a break? Does anyone have any successful experience with this? And please, this is my life here, and I take it seriously. If you are just going to give me your hunch, or some angst-filled response that is filtered through your own past failures... please don't. I know it's tempting as hell to launch into your opinion... but if you don't have first hand experience with "taking a break", please move on. Thank you, really.

[soapoperalife]

I honestly don't have any firsthand relationship experience. But, to take a break in your case would be to tell her that you know she doesn't have time for a relationship right now and that the relationship should be on hold until she feels that she can handle that and work. Emphasize that you will be waiting for her when she feels she is able to re-commit. Ask her also if she has any idea how long this will take, just for a checkpoint kind of thing. Probably it will be a month of two, but don't be discouraged. Tell her you love her and know that she will get through this and leave it at that; don't pile on the reassurances. She obviously does not respond kindly to constantly being told things will turn out fine. Also try and check in after a few weeks, asking how she's doing and telling her you miss her. I hope this works for you.

[xxazurexx]

Hmm, seems she is already taking a break from you and has been for a few weeks.

If I'm not mistaken, you are the same guy who was on here some weeks back and involved with a woman who didn't care to call you anymore and you 'never' heard from her hardly?? She is more interested in getting her business up and running and comes to you only for advice in regard to the business - she also wants a website building I believe.

Then you went on to say, that you'd had a talk with her and she hadn't realised how you were feeling...

Now you are back and with suggestion of a break?

I figure that since the talk, nothing changed then?

I think you are wasting your time with this woman, which is what I told you weeks ago.

She IS NOT into you or this relationship anymore.

You just refuse to accept it.

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/49986-girlfriend-very-distant-when-break-up-vs-just-take-break.html#post669878[/url]

[Dolmetscher]

She IS NOT into you or this relationship anymore.

You just refuse to accept it.

Please, this is my life here, and I take it seriously. If you are just going to give me your hunch, or some angst-filled response that is filtered through your own past failures... please don't. I know it's tempting as hell to launch into your opinion... but if you don't have first hand experience with "taking a break", please move on. Thank you, really.

[xxazurexx]

Please, this is my life here, and I take it seriously. If you are just going to give me your hunch, or some angst-filled response that is filtered through your own past failures... please don't. I know it's tempting as hell to launch into your opinion... but if you don't have first hand experience with "taking a break", please move on. Thank you, really.

I'm giving you my HONEST opinion and as an outsider looking in.

I don't speak through anger nor experience and because I've never been in a situation where I wanted space, or he wanted space.....or in a situation like this where a partner IGNORES me and only acknowledges my presence when it's to do with business reasons.

No need to be rude and ASSume because you DON'T like an honest opinion and you are not hearing what you want to hear.

[SelflessnHumble]

I have a million experiences and many of them took the infamous detour of "Taking a break."
Which IS another excuse in order to avoid saying, "Let's just see what happens!"

In my experience there is no taking a break.
You are either committed to the relationship? OR: you are NOT.

Bullshitters, excuse makers and people who avoid reality take breaks.
It is obvious she isn't giving you the attention you deserve, and she is using her financial disposition
to take it out on you: punishing YOU for HER problems: this is not how relationships work.

Her pushing you away tells me that your relationship was built on uneven/shaky ground.
See, I know it was because she is choosing this drama: over you+ the relationship.

She is focused on her responsibilities at work: not YOU: not the relationship.
Of course if she was really thinking of you: she'd make some time to send you a measly-ass text
just to let you know despite her drama filled life: she thought of you. In her mind: she could be thinking of
you...but her actions show me different.


You say you believe in structure: she doesn't share the same values in the same principles as you...
So what to do? She is on priority mode...She doesn't see you as a priority. Check.


You need to make her see that you are a priority and the way you do this is
(go to her) grab her hand, take off her glasses, put down her pen...and look her in the eye, and say;

"(her name), I know how completely committed you are to your business responsibilities despite
you being severely overworked due to the situation you've prioritized...I appreciate and commend your
exemplary efforts....However just give me a minute of your hectic day to tell you that

-I love you, I miss you and I want you to give me some of your time for our relationship...
-Ask her: how do you feel about this? ( be calm, and open...She will respond to you)

If she doesn't, or she invalidates your feelings: this is clear proof that to her?
Her actions have spoken ever since she's been on F everything else mode to focus
on her important matters: not you and NOT the relationship.

A break isn't needed, sitting her down to tell her how you feel: is.
THEN, should she address your concerns? It means she cares and an apology for
her lack of communication and affirmation is in order....

If she does NOT? She's been emotionally gone for a while now and there is nothing YOU
can do about this. She's made her choice. Which was her right.

[xxazurexx]

You need to make her see that you are a priority and the way you do this is ...

If you read his previous thread, he already claimed to have sat her down and talked to her. And he said that she had been sorry and that she didn't realise how bad she was making him feel.....

That was a few weeks ago.

Now he's returned and with 'same old, same old' problem - obviously and despite the talk, she hasn't changed and nothing was resolved. The situation has obviously become worse and because he's now wanting to take a break. But there would appear to be 'nothing' to take a break from.

He's beating a dead horse IMO....she would appear to have checked out of this relationship a long time ago.

And he doesn't like the truth...naturally and when he is still in love with her.

[Bo]

Honestly, i think breaks are really a waste of time. Either break up or stay together.

And it DOES seem like maybe she's just not into it anymore, if she is she obviously doesn't have time for you and in that case you need to leave her alone and let her figure it out. If she wants to be with you she will come back after she gets herself and her financial situation together...