Should we be friends?

[Clockies]

So my problem is that my best friend who I have known for 7/8 years finally got me to confess my feelings to him at the end of last year. Now when I confessed to him that I loved him (he had been trying for a year and a half) which eventually lead to him asking me to be his girlfiend, I was unaware that he was also going out with another girlfriend. When I found out that he was going out with her (lets call her Em.) He lied to my face that he was. After many arguments we broke up and he and Em continued to be together, she was fully aware that he had been cheating. Now three months on myself and him have started talking again well more being civilised and trying to regain our friendship we once had. He is still with Em and him and I still love him.

But my question is, should I be friends with him after he broke my heart? What would you do?

[xxazurexx]

I wouldn't be his friend and because whenever there are feelings, a friendship doesn't work. He is also a liar who lied to you and conned you into a relationship with him and while he was with another female, which makes him also a cheater. I'd be picking and choosing my friends more wisely.

[MadMardegan]

It will probably be hard for you guys to go back to what you once had. That doesn't mean it's impossible. People only feel awkward because they let themselves feel awkward.

Just accept what happened, forget about it (meaning get over him) and continue on with what you had. There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to go back to what you had.

Don't listen to what anyone else here says about whether or not you should remain friends. If YOU want to remain friends (and are ok with him seeing someone other than you) than go for it.

[Clockies]

Of course I want to try and be friends but I am unsure whether trying to be friends will just make me love him more instead of getting over him. He has already said to me that he needs me as a friend because he can't talk to her about anything like he can with me and also said that he has a suspicion that she is cheating on him (karma gotta love it).

I do feel jealous whenever I hear about them or see them around, since he tried for a year an a half to get me to confes and when he finally does it is like he drops me on my butt cause they aren't good enough for him.

I would love to try and have what friendship we can have since he has helped me through a lot and the same with him but am I just setting myself up for another fall?

[xxazurexx]

Don't listen to what anyone else here says about whether or not you should remain friends. If YOU want to remain friends (and are ok with him seeing someone other than you) than go for it.

I advised her that it wasn't a good idea and because I've been in that situation and it's hard and very difficult to be in a friendship when you are in love with that friend. She will always want MORE, than he may be prepared to give her and eventually she would start to resent the friendship and when he wasn't supplying more.

While in this friendship and for as long as she remains in love with him, she won't and can't move on either. She's stuck ....

If she feels she can have a friendship with him and without any expectation that it will lead to more, then go for it...

But I don't think ^^ that is the case.

She loves him and in her own words:

'thinks a friendship will make me love him more'
'I do feel jealous whenever I hear them around and see them around'...

IMO...this friendship would not be an advisable one nor a genuine or healthy friendship.

But at the end of the day it's her choice...

[Clockies]

Thank you both of you for advice, I have been in both minds for a few days of the what if and all that stuff.

If you was in this situation, what would you do? Would you try and salvage a friendship or let him go?

[MadMardegan]

I advised her that it wasn't a good idea and because I've been in that situation and it's hard and very difficult to be in a friendship when you are in love with that friend. She will always want MORE, than he may be prepared to give her and eventually she would start to resent the friendship and when he wasn't supplying more.

While in this friendship and for as long as she remains in love with him, she won't and can't move on either. She's stuck ....

If she feels she can have a friendship with him and without any expectation that it will lead to more, then go for it...

But I don't think ^^ that is the case.

She loves him and in her own words:

'thinks a friendship will make me love him more'
'I do feel jealous whenever I hear them around and see them around'...

IMO...this friendship would not be an advisable one nor a genuine or healthy friendship.

But at the end of the day it's her choice...

I actually wrote that without seeing your reply. Didn't mean to make it sound like she should ignore you since you always give good advice around here.

I just meant that she shouldn't do something she doesn't want to do just because that's what people are telling her to do.

I'm kind of in the same situation at the moment and I know it doesn't feel good (but sometimes it feels amazing). It's tough but I think if you can get the idea of you two out of your head then you have a shot of being friends again.

Maybe take a break from him for a while, cut all contact, don't stalk him on facebook, delete his number, then see how you feel afterwards. That should help you to get over him and then will give you a clear mind as the whether or not a platonic friendship is what you really want.

[Clockies]

Thanks, we've tried the whole not talking thing but his girlfriend just kept causing shit between him and my other friends (they hate him for the fact that he's hurt me and lied). I think i'm going to be aquantances with him first, see how that goes and then decide whether to try and be friends again because honestly I don't know if I can trust him anymore.

Thanks for the advice you've helped clear up my mind a lot.

[xxazurexx]

I just meant that she shouldn't do something she doesn't want to do just because that's what people are telling her to do.

Oh yeah, totally agree. People can only advise, but at the end of the day it's her choice...it's her life

I'm kind of in the same situation at the moment and I know it doesn't feel good (but sometimes it feels amazing). It's tough but I think if you can get the idea of you two out of your head then you have a shot of being friends again.

Hard though isn't it? lol There are some days I'd struggle and others where I'd sort of be happy that we were friends and would think I could just be friends with him. The bad days outweighed the good though and I'd find myself resenting him and being his friend. He was the one to want this friendship you see and he wouldn't let me go. I cut him off a few times and because I wasn't able to deal with it and even told him as to why I couldn't deal with it. But he kept on returning over and over....lol