First love break up

[YeahBuddy]

Hello everyone,

I am new here and looking for a little female insight! Sorry if this is long but this my first break up!

Here it goes: girlfriend and I dated since we were 15...and lasted until last month so 5 years and change. We didnt, however, see each other every day since we went to separate highschools and only spend half a year together in college. We are both 20.

The relationship was great but like any other it had its up and downs but prior to the break up things were losing steam ( less sex, not seeing each other as much) and I had to approach her to get her to say what she was feeling.

She claimed she could see herself with him but wanted to make sure. She said we werent broken up but then a week later she takes the relationship status thing of facebook without giving me closure. I again had to look for her and say our goodbyes. She acted in the most passive aggressive way possible, wanted to remain friends ( i said no and she started crying).

So far its been 1month since the break up and i have been in NC since.

My questions are: Do you think she is entirely over me? I mean she felt distanced from me for quite some time but didnt say it and still told me she loved me etc.

My second question is regarding the behavior i should carry when i do see her ( we are part of a college club and we have a meeting this weekend). Her passive aggressiveness and lack of consideration towards being honest at the moment of doubt really hurts me. I dont want to seem bitter towards her because i think that would just further validate her decision. I guess i should just smile and wave?

[smackie9]

Five years is a long time......the relationship had to end because you both missed out on having different experiences with others all that time. Now she is wanting to play catch up. She loves you but now is no longer in love with you. She cried when you told her no to friendship because it's difficult to adjust to not having you in her life. You both need to keep your distance so you both can heal and adjust to a life without each other....it will happen, other things and people will fill in that void eventually. If you see her, just give her a nod of acknowledgement and move along.

[Mr. Turtle]

I am a PRO at this.

To answer your first question, 5 years is a long time. It doesnt just go away. However, its tough with distance. Its just the way the dice fall that determines who makes it and who doesnt.

Secondly, don't smile, don't wave. Go for the kill and really dig in under her ribs for her dishonesty. HUG HER LIKE A FRIEND HUGS A FRIEND FOR REAL. Its gonna take a lot of fortitude and guts, but its the surest way to address the feeling YOU HAVE about her dishonesty. Her feelings are not at stake her. Your feelings are. I greeted my bad situation the same way and I made a genuine "You look great, how have things been." Yes it did suck and I wanted to say something else, but it brought a peace with it and I wasnt bitter like I had been before or in other situations.

This plan is two-fold. You will have a place to start your approach towards her and it will either drive her completely off her rocker (YES!) or make it so awkward that she cant do anything but be genuine. In either case, she ends up having to be genuine with her emotion. People are most genuine when they are uncomfortable.

[YeahBuddy]

Thanks for the response people. Yeah I can see how we both need to experience life and what not...but its been difficult at times since we both helped each other grow up and what not but that is life.

I think the "friendly" hug is a great idea...I am learning and trying to let go because thats when things start to unfold the way they should.

[Mr. Turtle]

Also consider that even though you may have the strongest of bonds with people, they may only be in our lives to help prepare for the future relationships or help us grow into our character for the final act of this play called life.

[YeahBuddy]

Good point turtle. I am trying sooo hard to let go and just live life but its really hard at times. One month and change of zero contact its helped a lot but its so hard to lose your best friend!

[Mr. Turtle]

I sold mine down the river for the same sort of reason. We dated, were best friends, each of us got married, we helped each other through our respective divorces, then we started seeing each other, then it ended very cruelly and unfair to either party after 8 years counting everything. Suck is life, life is suck. But learn and grow. It blows, but it gets easier.

[YeahBuddy]

So i took your advice turtle. I approached hugged her and chatted for a bit. The experience helped me let go and it hurt and what not but i think it was an important stage in me healing. When she came into the room her head was down and she was walking really quickly. I assume this is very normal for a breakup and i guess as a dumpee i am overanalyzing everything.

The convo was pretty basic but then i invited her to go to a yogurt shop but she had other things to do. After the meeting ended i was near the door fixing my bookbag and she just left and completely ignored me but she had to have seen me. I was longboarding at the time so i was going to pass her down the walkway and i just said bye and she said bye too.

Her avoidance...is this completely normal? I guess maybe i just WISH this signaled she has feelings for me but this probably isnt so. Obviously i'd rather her act real. If her avoidance is a way to say her we are 100 percent over then i commend her for it cause i dont want any bu.llshit either.