need advice

[girl22]

i need help. A LOT.
my boyfriend and i have been dating for 2 years and 3 months. we shouldnt be dating because hes of a different religion and we are not allowed to have a future together. in the start, he was really into me and more recently, i just feel like we are drifting apart. we used to study together and now hes in medicine, so he doesnt really have time for me. im looking around for a job, so it makes it harder because im more lonelier than he is and that causes fights. i used to hope for a future and maybe im still hoping for one, but deep down inside i know there is no. i know im wasting my time, but im really too attached and its hurting me.
it seems to me like hes moving on with his life and hes getting busier in his work and im just stuck in this place where i really shouldnt be. when we fight he walks away from me and he gets really frustrated because he cant seem to understand why im so upset.
hes met my parents and i havent met his. hes never spoken about our future but keeps expecting me to hang on. im 22 and turning 23 this year, technically, i should be in relationship where i know there is a chance of a future. hes turning 22 this month.
i dont know what to do and i dont know where this is going. i feel like i need support to stand up and walk away but i think im too scared.

help?

[MerryH]

If you feel like you still want to work on your relationship, I would suggest working on yourself. You kind of made it sound like you're not doing much with your free time, and that's good for no one. Get some friends, get some hobbies, get something to fill your time so you don't feel so bored and lonely and maybe jealous that he's out living a life.

But if what you're looking for is someone to tell you to break up with him, I can do that, too:

It's never going to work out. He's from a different religion and that will eventually cause insurmountable problems. He's never spoken about your future together because he's not really that concerned about it. He's more focused on his schooling and his career to really give you much thought, and if you're around then great, whatever. Stop wasting your time on someone who seems very indifferent toward you. You seem like you don't really want to be with him anyway, so grow some courage and start taking steps to break up with him. Do you live together? Line up somewhere else to stay. If all you have to do is have a short, "I'm breaking up with you" conversation, then do it. It's not that hard. Just meet him for coffee or something and tell him. Then leave and never speak to him again and still work on your life. Report back with results.

[Sunnybeach7]

You don't know for sure that you are lonelier. The medical field is very time consuming. Is he still studying or actually working?

He asked you to give it time. You haven't met his parents...it seems like that if he is planning to be with you, he will have to break from his family, no? If so, that can take time.

I honestly think the main problem that you have here is lack of communication. You really need to talk to him and ask questions. Ask him if he's planning on having a future with you. If he says yes, ask him what his plans are for that. Tell him you will be patient but you need more to go on than just hopes and dreams.

Talk to him. Share your thoughts and feelings, but don't fight with him, it will just make you both unhappy.

[girl22]

Thanks guys, awesome advice.

Hes just started medicine after doing a 4 year degree in medical science. hes younger than me by six months and this is his first proper relationship, whereas this is my second.
I do want to be with him and im the sort of person that would give up everything to be with him, but i guess hes not. i know he doesnt have much time because suddenly hes bogged down with so much work and hes so ambitious anyways.
i have spoken to him about this in the past few weeks and he tells me to wait so he can speak to his mom (who is completely dead against us) and see if there is anyway we could be together. also, we both are graduating soon and our parents are coming down for it. i want to see how we both respond in that situation since both our parents know we are dating and perhaps we both will realise that it really isnt going to work?
in terms of breaking up, we have tried that and when we fight we sometimes get so fed up because we both know that we are wasting time. but after a couple of hours we end up calling each other and sorting stuff out and just pretending like our situation is okay when it really isnt.

il let u guys know wot happens...thanks once again

[MerryH]

Wait, hang on.

i have spoken to him about this in the past few weeks and he tells me to wait so he can speak to his mom (who is completely dead against us) and see if there is anyway we could be together.

Whaaaat?! Why is he asking his mom if he can be with you?

[girl22]

Because he is a muslim and his parents mean a lot to him. im not sure where you are from, but where we are from, we need consent from our family and parents. yeah, i know that sucks.