Problem, but not sure what it is/how to fix it.

[illili]

Hello all,

I've never posted in one of these forums for this before, so pardon if I don't abide by some general guidelines.

Anyway, I have a girlfriend of a year and a few months. We have been into and out of each others interest for a few years and now we're dating. She was my best friend prior to dating her, and we spent so much time together. I had just obtained my license and so we hung out roughly 4-5 days a week, and stayed up late on the phone and all that jazz.

Once we started dating, school had been in full swing so staying up until 2 or 3 am wasn't possible anymore, however we still did talk and hung out many days a week (usually after I had work because she lived about 200 feet from where I worked). The relationship was great up until this point.

Last year, During early march (actually four days from now) I stayed over her house and we made love for the first time. Roughly a minute later, I got a call from my mother telling me my father passed away, so I went home obviously. The rest of that carried out as one would expect, so the details aren't too important.

We were not intimate for over a month after our first encounter, but began again after a while. On that note, she likes to have intercourse much more than I do (I've never really had a very high drive to begin with).

Fast forward about 6 months and we are here. At the present moment, I feel like a robot; all I have time to do is school and work (work to compensate for the loss of my fathers income although mine is only a fraction of what his was but I need to pay for college somehow). I have only two days off a week and those days are almost always spent with my girlfriend. I do also see her sometimes after work (I now work 25 miles from her house) and school. Both times are after 9 at night so at that point I'm tired.

I love her very much, but cant' seem to get time away from her. I hardly hang out with my friends, and she hers. I only get to see my friends maybe 1 time a month if that. She doesn't have a very good family, and her mom is never really home so I am all she has. Also, I mentioned before our intimacy, it has now dropped considerably, as I (as bad as I feel to say it) have very little energy or desire to. It's hard for me to get in the mood with so much brewing in my mind. I do enjoy intimacy though, just not to the extent she does, and I certainly dont' have the energy to keep up. We only have intercourse maybe 2 or 3 times a month.

The last aspect about this before I get to my ultimate question (I thank you for your patience if you've read this far), is our future. We are at the point where I am in college (19 yrs. old) and she is about to go to college (18 yrs.). Our desires for our lives are totally different. She likes to travel, and constantly go out, while I am a more home type. I don't want to move from my current house, (partially because the mortgage is payed off, and partially because I care for my widowed mother, and partially because I simply like were I live). She wishes to move and all that, and I understand that. It's normal for people to want to move out and go places and try new things. However most of that isn't for me.

So my question is this: We have talked and she feels that she has been trying to set back our spark that used to be there (when we were friends) and has stopped because it doesn't work. I realize that my father's death is playing a very large role in my depression and I don't want my relationship to end because of it. But even if that never happened, would we even be compatible because of the drastic difference in life expectations we have? At this point, I am trying to figure out how to get myself back to normal so we can be happy again, but have no idea what to do or even if we should stay together. She's the only girlfriend I've ever had and I love her very much.

Any help is appreciated.

Again thanks for reading my overly long post :]

[smackie9]

Take it from a veteran, you can't have a sustainable relationship without compatability. Even if you stay together you will slowly separate and be misrable with each other anyways because you both already have different expectations that are not being fufilled. So my answer is this.....No it's not worth staying together, you should just remain as friends.

[smackie9]

Tip: You are at the right time in your life to be having different experiences with other girls....just because she is you first, she shouldn't be your last. You have your whole life to find "the one", but you can have "the one" if you try and force it....it will not happen.