Am I being unreasonably jealous? Or is something up

[HorrorQueen]

Hi, I hope someone can help me.

I'm a 21 year old girl and have been going out with my girlfriend for 6 years. Recently, she has become friends with a guy at work who she told me has sent her texts saying he wants to sleep with her, keeps asking her out for dinner and tells her he wants to be with her. She says she has told him not to text inappropriate things and he's stopped but she can't cut contact with him because they work closely and she's only just returned to work after 6 months sick level because of anxiety and depression and she need support at work.

The problem is she texts him every day after work, all night sometimes I've counted up to 20 times in 1 night.
She is very secretive about the texts and always deletes them. She deletes all her texts and days there's nothing wrong with this, Shes always done it.

However, if I come into a room and shes texting she will hide her phone and I'd I ask what is about se says it's nothing to do with me. I ask her to tell me what she's texting but she just says it isn't any of my business. We have had a lot of arguments about this, she says I should just trust her and she's doing nothing wrong.

I'm laying in bed crying my eyes out right now, after an enormous bust up we've just had. We went out for dinner and t was lovely. She started to text when we got in, and I came up and tried to look at her phone. She hid it so I asked what it was about, and she said it's nothing to do with me. Then I asked to see it, and she refused to let me. When I asked why, she said it was because they were her texts not
Mine. I asked her over and over again to show me what they were or tell me what they were about and she point blank refused to even discuss it with me. Se said I'm paranoid and don't trust her, and that if I think shes doing something wrong I should leave her. She promised me she isn't up to anything, but why would she refuse to let me see her texts? I'm so confused.

I'm absolutely terrified of losing her. Ill die if she leaves me. I don't know what to do anymore. I desperately want to be with her and i think she wants To be with mr, but she won't budge on the issue of letting me see her texts or telling me about them. I can't argue anymore, I hate this so much. Can someone please help me? What should I do?

[smackie9]

If it has to be kept a secret then they are guilty of doing something wrong. You know it, we all know it. If she refuses to talk about it and turns it around on you to be the bad guy, then she is not worthy to be with you...... She may not be having sex with this guy, but she is having an emotional affair. And that's cheating. She may have no intention of hooking up with this guy but she is using him, and she is using you. She isn't committed to this relationship if she is pulling some BS on a guy for the attention pretty much in front of your face.....she's not worth it my dear, no matter how painful this is. She has already left you emotionally. Note: you should never place a value on your life over a relationship. It's just a relationship and this person is treating you like crap. Get out.

[lessthankeevin]

If anything man tell the chick that the only reason that you're so paranoid is cause she doesn't make you comfortable about it. How can she expect you to just "trust" her if she wont even just trust you with her phone. That's ****ing bullshit, don't be someone elses bitch. Be the man, put your foot down, and tell her that you need to know what's going on. Trust works both ways, if you find out she's messing around with other guys, emotionally, sexually, anything! You leave her, I don't care how long the relationship has been idc how much you "love her" if that ends up being the care, then she has no respect for you, and she has no respect for the relationship, and if you be a bitch about it she's gonna walk all over you. If there's any time to wear the pants it's now.

[MerryH]

I'm a huge proponent of respecting privacy, probably obnoxiously so, but even I see her texting behaviors as troubling. She'd rather be secretive and lose your trust than to just show you some supposedly harmless texts.

But regardless of that, you know for sure a few things that point to this relationship being wrong. You know she's still carrying on with a guy who wants to sleep with her. Not good. You know that she's spending her time on someone else when she's with you. Not good.

Se said I'm paranoid and don't trust her, and that if I think shes doing something wrong I should leave her.

She's completely right. You can't trust her, so you should leave her.

Ill die if she leaves me.

You're completely wrong. You're not going to die. Don't be so melodramatic. You'll be fine.

[lessthankeevin]

^ I agree with him/her, especially if she's with you she shouldn't be texting anyone let alone some dude, that you and her time! No one interrupts you and her time! Especially at dinner! That's just flat out rude, and once again disrespectful, personally I don't have any respect for anyone that doesn't respect me, and neither should you, or anyone else for that matter!