Update

[DarkHelmet82]

Ok so iv'e been thinking a lot about my breakup and my ex... I probably shouldnt be.. but it is what it is... I think iv'e come to this realization.

My ex and females in general ususally say things they dont mean or mean the opposite of what they say. Some examples: She said she wanted to slow down and then sped up. She told me she loved me and than broke up with me. When we spoke after the breakup she said "We will never be together again." She is obviously confused and I gave her space. She blocked me on FB.. and when i put my status to in a relationship she unblocked me..... weird.. (we not freidns though on there)
Here's where it is weird and maybe someone can give me advice. I dropped her stuff off at her house (i didnt see her) she didnt say anything in regard to that at all.. which i did expect. The next day i figure **** it let me be non chalant.. at this point i have nothing to lose.. pride... maybe but that went out the window weeks ago.. hhaha.. I told her some things ive been doing, and she responded.. her answeres were short but she did answer. She also asked me a question which I think is a good sign as it shows she does care or is interested. I asked how she was doing a few times and she never answered that particualar question. AM i right to assume (yes i know assuming is bad) that she is at least open to a freidnship... If she werent interested at all she would have just ignored me or told me she doesnt want to talk right?
Any thoughts? THanks

[BeingAlpha]

Why do you care? My personal view on life is I like to eliminate as much drama as possible from it. My ex was crazy amounts of drama in our relationship as bf/gf I would expect nothing less from her in a friendship.

Do you really want to be friends with her or do you want to be friends with her to get back with her? Theres a difference...

I would only be friends with my ex to try to get back with her but then I realize she wasn't really that great of a girlfriend..so that leads me back to not wanting to be with her but still hurt that she would leave.

Let it go bro -- you are in fact (yeah we all are ) obsessing.

[DarkHelmet82]

Yeah i want to be friends with her because I want to get back with her... I just feel something for her that iv'e never felt before about anyone.

[BeingAlpha]

thats never the issue my friend.. its the fact that she doesnt feel the same thing for you. You have to let it go...this isn't about you anymore and how you feel. Its about how she feels...OR doesn't feel.

[DarkHelmet82]

are you familiar with my situation? I think its more of an issue of her playing game or being confused.. maybe im wrong haha

[BeingAlpha]

are you familiar with my situation? I think its more of an issue of her playing game or being confused.. maybe im wrong haha

I've read your posts -- but if someone walks away from you -- they obviously don't care as much as you do. I would have never walked away from my ex. I loved her more -- there was an imbalance...sucks to admit it but its true. I can sit here and dwell and try to will her back, or try to "convince her" that we are right for each other OR I can focus on being happy in my life, moving on, finding someone else that wants to pursue a long term relationship with me...

Let it go.

[Ollie76]

DarkHelmet82,

As you probably already know, I'm going through a BU after a 4.5 year relationship. It's rough at times and you know what? Ask your self this question- Would you marry this girl??

I always ask myself this question when thinking about geeting my ex back and guess what? As much as I loved her, I always questioned marrying her. It's not because I didn't love her enough but it's because I think I'm willing to see if the grass is greener on the other side and I'm sure she's going to do the same. Man, not to be arrogant (lol), but I sincerely think I'm the best she'll ever do and she will probably be back. Will I take her back? I can't say at the moment because I don't know how much time will go by. We will have to cross that bridge when we get there.

So now I'm in the process of forgetting her. I said what I needed to say to her and left gracefully, like a G. I deleted all her shit and I'm in NC not to get her back, but to move on.

I strongly suggest you do the same. **** 'em!

[DarkHelmet82]

I know im the best my ex will ever do.. but I did see myself marrying her yes... hence the dilemma haha

[Ollie76]

Seriously? Did she know this?

Well,if that's the case, take it slow. BE PATIENT. It's going to be a long progress. Have you thought about doing little contact like maybe one text every 2 or 3 weeks but keeping the subject away from the past relationship? I think there's still hope but you need to play your cards right.

[DarkHelmet82]

Seriously? Did she know this?

Well,if that's the case, take it slow. BE PATIENT. It's going to be a long progress. Have you thought about doing little contact like maybe one text every 2 or 3 weeks but keeping the subject away from the past relationship? I think there's still hope but you need to play your cards right.

thats what this post was about.. im trying to be nonchalant but keep in contact every few weeks...

i havent slept in a month... ive tried everything.. i wake up every two hours and takes me an hour to go back to sleep.. i get about 4 hours a night... any tips on that?

[Ollie76]

Whoa, that's harsh. In the first couple of weeks I drank my ass to sleep. LOL Maybe had about two rum and cokes before bed. Now, I workout in the evenings. 4 mile run and light weights (not trying to bulk), by the time 11:00pm-Midnight comes around I'm ready to knock out until I wake up at 7:30am.

How about going out with friends? I do, but only on the weekends since work (and working out) has been keeping me occupied. When I'm out with friends at a bar or something my mind is never on my ex. Try to find some other girl to mess around with, nothing serious but let it be known to whoever it is.

[DarkHelmet82]

thats the other issue.. i moved for a job and all my friends are about 200 miles away.. at 28 its a little more difficult to make friends... when she left me I lost the one friend I had up here.. haha... I might try taking some melatonin.. I do go to the gym and workout but I have no energy...

I hope my LC works, if it doesnt at a romantic level maybe a friendship...

Ive also lost my appetite... I do eat.. at least im trying too but Im still rapidly losing weight.. Im a 6'3" guy I was 195..as of today I weigh 178...

[Ollie76]

I was in the same boat. While I was with my ex, I alienated all my friends. That turned out to be a big mistake because once she left, I had no one but I'm starting to reconnect with some of them slowly at the moment. I forced my self to go out solo. I went to watch Lakers games (I live in LA) at bars, hit up some dive bars, etc. and actually met some new people.

Just get out there. Who cares if it looks lame that you go by yourself. Some people (especially girls) actually dig this. it shows independance and that you do what you want.

OR, you mentioned your friends are 200 miles away which is probably around a 2 1/2 hours commute.. Why not commute over there on the weekends and spend some time with them?

[BeingAlpha]

Dude .. same issue except all my friends got engaged in the few months following my breakup..it makes the breakup even more bitter. Best thing -- do some volunteering - I do a lot of it -- I have time, don't like being alone and its good to be around good people / help someone else. As for sleep -- just do stuff to wear yourself out -- or you could go the alcohol route although thats pretty bad. Maybe consider some therapy? Hang in there man.

[DarkHelmet82]

I have considered therapy and I might do that.. the volunteering may be a good idea... Can i just go into a hospital or something of the sort and tell them I want to volunteer?