"Bob" cheatd on his fiance. Help!

[whatthis]

There's a guy I know - let's call him Bob - and I found out that Bob had cheated on his 17 year old fiance. Bob is 24. I know for a fact that Bob kissed another girl at a party. Bob also had this online dating profile (which he accidentally showed me) - and on his profile, he said he was tired of being in a monogamous relationship, and he was looking for hook ups. After I started picking on him for the profile, he came up with this random story on why he has a profile on there, and he proceeded to delete it - I told him I didn't care and it wasn't any of my business.

I wasn't gonna intervene in their life, but I'm beginning to get to know this girl and she wants me to be one of her bridesmaids. She's only 17 and I just can't stand back and watch her make the mistake of her life. She's so young! And the lying sleazebag of an asshole Bob is so much older than her.

Me and her actually had a conversation about guys and cheating. To her, kissing definitely counts as cheating. You might say that maybe he'll change, but she deserves to know - don't you think? And honestly, I really don't think he'll change. I never liked this guy anyway. The only reason we hang out is cos we have a lot of mutual friends.

Oh and did I mention that Bob is not a US citizen, whereas his fiance is American?

What do you think is the best way to deal with this situation?

[girl68]

I think where the hell are HER parents? I'd beat Bob's ass down seeing how my daughter shouldn't even be dating him.

But I honestly think I'd tell the little girl, I'd also tell all of your mutual friends, and family. Because I know she won't leave him if it's only you on her ass. And I most certainly wouldn't be her bridesmaid that means you SUPPORT the marriage.

[whatthis]

I know. I don't think I'll even attend the wedding. I can't be part of this.

Her parents love the guy - at least that's what Bob says. I've never met them. And from what I've heard from the girl, her mom doesn't seem very sound. She just sits around and smokes pot I think. And I think she has a step dad - who I'm not sure she's close with. So it doesn't sound like they'd be of much help.

[whatthis]

I'm just looking for the best way to go about this situation. None of my friends are close to the girl. Neither am I really. So even if I do tell he, I don't think she'd have it in her to leave him. They live together now. I'm not even sure she'll believe me. He's one of those guys who's very good at lies. I'm sure he'll "win her back". Either that, or he'll convince her that I'm making all this up.

[Horseyguy]

If he's cheating on her and you know that for a fact then maybe you should tell her even though it's none of your business, that bit I get

But why you are making statements about him not being a Citizen, her mum not being sound because she smokes pot and the fact he may have a step dad I don't get because I just don't see what that has to do with him cheating on her

Sounds like you just don't want them to get married because you don't like him

[whatthis]

He needs a citizenship in order to continue remaining in the states. Everybody knows there's people out there who marry for citizenship. If this marriage doesn't happen, he's gonna have to leave the country pretty soon. I suspect his motives for being with her.

I was talking about her parents because girl68 asked where her parents were. That's the only reason I was talking about her parents. Bob's fiance had told me that she used to smoke pot with her mom. What kind of a responsible mom offers pot to a 15 year old? I talked about HER step dad (not Bob's step dad) because I didn't think her biological dad was in the picture. I'm not sure how close she is with the step dad. SO to sum up, I really don't think her parents would be of much help in this situation.

[broken9]

cheating is more than trying to become a citizen... we are in a forum where a lot of people have been cheated on or has cheated... that being said... he is cheating regardless of his status... you gotta put yourself before anyone, if ya'll have alot of mutual friends, they will start taking sides, do you really want that? I mean I wouldnt do crap about it! but if you absolutelly want to "help" then hint to her or send her a anonymous message and tell her, but honestly I agree with Horseguy, I think you just dont like him. Good luck!

[whatthis]

haha you are both right - I don't like him at all really - and I made that very clear in my first post. It's just that him cheating on her ON TOP OF using her for citizenship is just so low! I'm just pissed at him! Aaah nvm. You guys are not getting my point. lol.

But like I said, I also can't pretend like I know nothing and be all chummy with both Bob and the girl. I've been kinda cold to him ever since I found out about the cheating actually. I've been cheated on - it's not fun - so I know what's it's like.

[Horseyguy]

I thought your point was he was cheating on her, so if you think it's your business to tell her then tell her, just don't expect her to thank you for it

[broken9]

I thought your point was he was cheating on her, so if you think it's your business to tell her then tell her, just don't expect her to thank you for it

you're right! if you think its your place to do that, then go for it, rat him out... but its gonna suck really bad b/c your mutual friends are gonna start choosing sides...

you know maybe he does love her, maybe he made a mistake kissing that girl and regrets it... maybe the profile was a joke... I mean dont just ruin a strong relationship b/c you dont like him... I mean have you even talked to him about it...

[whatthis]

I'm not expecting a thank you note really. My guess is that she'll think I'm lying when I do tell her. So I got on here to see what other people think is the best way to go about doing this. I never asked "should I or should I not tell her?".

Am I not allowed to have any kind of emotion at all about this issue? I'm mad at him. So?

Tell me this - why are you hating on me again?

[whatthis]

Ok there's some background story as well which proves that the guy is a chronic liar. I don't want to get into the details here. There's just so many things that the fiance has told me that Bob told her, all of which are complete lies.

And sometimes when Bob is at the bars with us, he lies to her that he's at home about to go to bed.

But you're correct... maybe the kiss was a mistake and the profile could've been a joke too I suppose... I'm gonna talk to my friends and see what they think.

[broken9]

Tell me this - why are you hating on me again?

I am not hating on you at all... ofcourse you need to feel angry, but I just dont think you need to be so worked up about this kiss and profile... **** him and **** her too... two morons getting married... you hate him and you barely know here... just go along with it, this is whats gonna happen ur gonna tell her.. shes gonna be mad but then get back with him and they'll both hate you... its happened to me... so thats why I dont say anything anymore...

[whatthis]

I am not hating on you at all... ofcourse you need to feel angry, but I just dont think you need to be so worked up about this kiss and profile... **** him and **** her too... two morons getting married... you hate him and you barely know here... just go along with it, this is whats gonna happen ur gonna tell her.. shes gonna be mad but then get back with him and they'll both hate you... its happened to me... so thats why I dont say anything anymore...

Thanks for clearing that up.... I see your point. I'll think about it...

[broken9]

another thing... be careful with ur friends... they are gonna tell you "RAT HIM OUT!!! THATS SOO MESSED UP" but they'll do it just so they can sit back and see that $hit go down... cuz they wouldnt do it! trust me! good luck.