Suggested an open relationship....

[Ric]

Hmm, I don't share the view that you're a selfish bitch.

Sex drives come in a large variety. Yours is seemingly a lot higher than that of your fiance.
This can be a reason for an open relationship. But many seem to be unable to tell the physical and emotional part apart.

In my opinion it's a bad idea to stay with someone if you don't connect on a sexual level. A solution can indeed be an open relationship but this will thus only work if the other is able to see it as just physical pleasure and can trust in you keeping it that way.
So, either break up with him, for both your sakes, or explain to him in full detail what an open relationship means to you and what ground rules you'd set for it.

If you continue as is and he forgives you, prepare for a sex life far below what you want.

[loladay21]

Geeesh, just leave him already. You're selfish as shit. Your first thought is, hmmm, maybe he'll give me permission to go **** other guys then I'll be happy. Didn't even consider his feelings. I'm disgusted by this thread.



Sir Out

This isn't the first thing I suggested! I have ALREADY tried everything everyone has suggested so far. And how exactly am I supposed to "lower" my sexual standards? I can't control how horny I am!

[Dan555]

Just masturbate... Jesus Christ how did you manage for the first 14 (maybe even less judging by the comments lol) years of your life? Damn. . . You can't play with this guy's feelings just because your panties are getting runny...

[Horseyguy]

Well I can see the difference between the physical and emotional part but that's not the point. It's whether the other person in the relationship can.

Telling someone you want to go have sex with someone else because you are not satisfying them, no matter how you gloss it up would still hurt and reading the OP's post it's clear her finance was hurt by it.

Explaining why she needs it and that it's not because she doesn't love him is just going to make that all ok in his mind? ya think?

I agree it's a bad idea to stay with someone if the compatability, sexually, is that much of a problem.

A mate of mine went to see his doctor because he went completely off sex, told the doctor he just didn't feel like it anymore. Doctors response was what you actually mean is you dont want to have sex with your wife anymore.

And he was right, my mate ended up having an affair (which I didn't agree with) but had no trouble having sex then

He divorced, went casually dating for a couple of years and ****ed anything he could find before he met his new partner, was with her 12 Months and said to me he just didn't fell like having sex again.

Issue wasn't that he couldn't / didn't want to have sex, was just that he was over having sex with the same person all the time

Maybe that's the issue here and maybe an open relationship would help, in that he could go have sex with who he wanted too as well, problem is unless he embraces the idea and can deal with the thought of his finance having sex with someone else, the relationship is pretty doomed. imo.

[loladay21]

I did that last night. Gave him some stuff to read about it and made suggestions for ground rules. Now that he better understands what an open relationship entails, the discussions have become less emotionally charged. I just don't want the reason we end everything to be about sex. We still love each other and always will. He admitted to me he's become comfortable and lazy in our relationship and that maybe this would help. Hey, I'm just glad he's more open-minded than most people on here that we can have a mature, open and honest discussion about this.

[Ric]

Of course it will be tough for anyone not into open relationships, Horsey.
However, I can not blame OP. Rather than breaking it off she prefer staying with him. She just wants her sexual needs fulfilled as well. And as her fiance isn't up for that, she suggested a possible solution.
I agree it's possible he's fed up with only having sex with her.
I do not know how "kinky" their sex life is, but it likely ain't much. Missionaris position gets boring quickly.

So, another possible solution is to try more things. New positions, new stuff. Use toys, try some light sm, etc. If you switch it up he might get more interested.

If not, just make it very clear you want to be with him. Want to have an emotional relationship with only him. And preferably a sexual one too, but if he is unable to give it you'd like to get that elsewhere while staying emotionally loyal to him.
But, I've been in multiple, trust me that an open relationship can be quite tough. You really do need proper rules and you really need to abide by those.
You might want to suggest safe sex only with different partners. Don't let it come down to just one partner. If you keep going to the same guy it's easier to get emotionally attached to that guy. Whether you're faithful or not, that always makes things harder.

I wish you luck on it.

[SelflessnHumble]

Hmm, I don't share the view that you're a selfish bitch.

Sex drives come in a large variety. Yours is seemingly a lot higher than that of your fiance.
This can be a reason for an open relationship. But many seem to be unable to tell the physical and emotional part apart.

In my opinion it's a bad idea to stay with someone if you don't connect on a sexual level. A solution can indeed be an open relationship but this will thus only work if the other is able to see it as just physical pleasure and can trust in you keeping it that way.
So, either break up with him, for both your sakes, or explain to him in full detail what an open relationship means to you and what ground rules you'd set for it.

If you continue as is and he forgives you, prepare for a sex life far below what you want.

Um, do you know what the word selfish means?
She IS selfish. But there is nothing wrong with wanting sex 4 times a week. That is NOTHING.

Wanting an open relationship because she doesn't want to "lose" him emotionally while having some dude bang the ever living shit out of her is utterly and repulsively disgusting and selfishly demented.

[SelflessnHumble]

This isn't the first thing I suggested! I have ALREADY tried everything everyone has suggested so far. And how exactly am I supposed to "lower" my sexual standards? I can't control how horny I am!

Don't you get it?

You only have two options PERIOD>


(1) Stay with him and have sex *only* once a month or whatever the figure is you've changed since the OP.
(2) Leave him because you *want* sex while you selfishly put a price tag on your "love" for him and your child.

It's so damn sad.

[MerryH]

I would really like to hear from some open-minded people, especially someone in an open relationship/marriage who knows WTF they are talking about!

Hey, I'm just glad he's more open-minded than most people on here that we can have a mature, open and honest discussion about this.

"Waaaaaa! I asked people their opinions and now they're saying things I don't want to hear! What a bunch of closed-minded prudes on this forum! Waaaa!"

Personally, I don't have a problem with open relationships as long as all parties are 100% into the idea. Your fiance isn't, yet you're still pushing forward with this. You said in your first post that "if he couldn't handle it we didn't have to do it" and oh no what do I do I think I "completely ruined everything," but then you go and give him reading materials still trying to get him to give you the okay to **** other people. If you were considering the feelings of anyone but yourself, you would have dropped this idea the minute he expressed discomfort with it.

I love it when people use the word "mature" to describe themselves when they're actually being monumental babies. You want this and you don't give a shit how he really feels about it, you just want his permission. That makes you an immature child.

[the_man101]

Wow, I honestly feel sorry for your man. If sex is that big of an issue for you then you shouldn't have married him in the first place.

[VincenzoG91]

A close friend of mine got involved with a woman in an open marriage, meaning that she and her husband were free to date and have sex with whoever they wanted. So she was kind of my friend's part-time girlfriend. I didn't think that it was a good situation for my friend, but he didn't ask for my advice, so I kept my opinion to myself. The husband had too much trouble finding women who were okay with his open marriage, so he recently asked his wife to stay exclusive with him, so now she is just friends with my frustrated pal. My friend isn't ready to move on yet, so he is stuck in this sexless limbo with her.

[blinki]

yet you're still pushing forward with this. You said in your first post that "if he couldn't handle it we didn't have to do it" and oh no what do I do I think I "completely ruined everything," but then you go and give him reading materials still trying to get him to give you the okay to **** other people. If you were considering the feelings of anyone but yourself, you would have dropped this idea the minute he expressed discomfort with it.

also, now he probably thinks that he has to let you have this 'open relationship' because although he's not 100% into it, you're going to do it regardless. with him knowing about it or without. that's what i'd think anyway... you've probably made him paranoid. really paranoid.

and how do these things work anyway? do you go and **** someone, then come home for dinner??? sleep in the same bed??? i would leave you to be honest.

[JadenMia]

I just cant beleive this!! WOW.

Seriously, stop crying about it.. Grab a toy pleasure yourself on the days your man wont.. And just keep it to yourself. Why would a toy make you feel more frustrated than before?? When i feel horny.. frustrated.. i grab my rabbit, do my thing and then that need is fulfilled.
Dont make up excuses because you want to go have sex with other men. Thats pathetic..

You ARE being selfish. Just be happy with what you have for gods sake.. You have a man that loves you, you have a little girl.. Why ruin all of that because your feeling a little horny.
Oh my days.. When you get into this 'open relationship'.. Such thing i DO NOT believe in. It wont work.. Do you think your fiance will want to sleep in the same bed as someone who has been f*cked by some other man.. god knows how many.. I dont think so.
Then when it all goes to sh*t your going to sit back and think.. 'F*ck.. i just ruined everything i had in my life to have sex with another man'..
Just leave your poor man.. Let him find someone who deserves him.

I just dont know.. Your being silly, selfish and unfair.

[Kaius]

For goodness sake, just break up already. If you want to have sex with other men, you are not truly committed to your current man.
You have a daughter together, and you still consider an "open" relationship? There is no such thing as open relationship.
Once you cross that line, your relationship is broken. If you feel so sexually frustrated, then end the relationship so you
can be free to hump any man you want.

[surfhb]

I guarantee it has nothing to do with his sex drive. Its just that he doesn't want to **** you! Its not that he doesn't love you but that part of the relationship has gone out. Happens more often than you think. It sounds as if this relationship is done.