Okay, a little back summary. My fiance and I have been engaged since Dec 2010. I have been showering her with love and gifts since we started dating in Dec 2009. For the last 9 months, her ex husband has not paid any spousal support or child support. I lost my job last July, but still gave her $10,000 so she could make ends meet. Two months later I gave her another $5,000. And in January I gave her another $5,500 for legal fees, as she just started suing her ex-husband. Meantime, I found a job that pays 35% less than the one that I lost last year. I am still paying $3,000 a month for child support, plus $2,000 a month for spousal support to my ex-wife. I had enough saved up from before, so money was not a huge issue. I gave her a $20,000 diamond engagement ring, and put $5,000 down for reserving our wedding in November of this year. I also gave her my credit card so she can use it for emergencies (car repairs, supplies, etc).
Two weeks ago I felt I was being taken advantage of, as I came to the realization that she's not listening to what I told her. She knew I had a lower paying job, and money was becoming scarce, yet she racked up an additional $4,000 on the credit card in 2 months, including a $1,000 facial treatment. I had to take a 2nd job, working evenings 6pm - 10pm teaching university because I was beginning to incur debt. I was mad, so I made up a lie and told her that my credit card limit has been exceeded, and my boss is about to lay me off so no payroll this week. I guess subliminally I wanted to test her to see what she would do when the funds dry up. Interestingly, the next day, the credit card company lowered my limit so I was in fact maxed out. Also, my boss couldn't get a loan, so he missed the payroll. So basically my lie became reality, and my fiancee took the appropriate actions.
She dropped out of medical school. She cut up the credit card. She pulled her kids out of after-school childcare ($580 per month), she fired the cleaning lady ($400 per month), she returned her cello ($60 per month). Pulled her daughter out of ballet ($120 per month), and reduced her groceries by $60 per week ($240 per month). Plus she got a part time job.
Ok, not only is she saving me $1,400 a month which I have been paying.... she makes enough to pay for housing and food for her and her kids. Sounds good? The only problem is....I have built enough resentment towards the past situation that I don't want to marry her anymore. I felt that she was okay watching me sink, and refused to take action until things were absolutely desperate. I feel it's a little too late. It was my fault to make her so comfortable....but I'm really disappointed.
So I hinted on the phone today that I think we should spend some time apart so she can finish suing her ex. She said no because it's an important time to stay close together and not let external things destroy our relationship. I really love her, and I know she loves me. But I don't want to get married any more. It doesn't feel right. I am 36 years old. I was in bad marriage for 12 years. I don't want a bad marriage again. I really want to call off the wedding.