Confused

[What is Love]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now. Recently he has made a new friend. This guy is ok. I mean he is nice and everything, but I think he is causing problems in our relationship that was never there before.

A few times I have made plans with my boyfriend to meet for lunch or to have a night out and he has agreed and then at the last moment he has dropped me and gone out with his friend. We fought about it and then made up. He said he would not do it again.

For all the time that we have been together we have talked about going to Amsterdam together. Well this friend was planning on a road trip from the UK to Amsterdam. I told my BF it would be ok if he went to the uk and then drove down to Amsterdam with the boys and then me and his friends wife would fly to Amsterdam and we could all holiday together.

This was the plan until about 2 weeks ago.

All of the sudden this friend has decided that its a lads holiday in UK and Amsterdam so I am not invited anymore. His wife is ok with it, coz she gets to fly down to Amsterdam after the holiday and then they will have a romantic trip around Europe. This is not an option for us as funds are limited.

Him and his wife have been together for a total of 3 years and he was like this before they got together and always been like this (doing things without his wife) where as me and my BF have been together longer and we never did things like this alone. So it's 2 different types of relationships.

I can't tell my BF that he can't go coz he would feel resentment towards me, but at the same time I am not comfortable with him going... His friend has admitted on cheating on his wife on numerous occasions...

I feel that he is a bad influence on my BF and he is causing problems that we never had.

I don't know what to do... this is driving me mad...

It will be my BF's birthday while he is gone and his friend has said that he will get him a girl as his present... I feel like he is trying to break us up.

I am feeling very rejected by people who said they are friends and by my BF for actually going knowing how I feel. He is buying his ticket this weekend.

Any advice???

[Flowercat]

I think really you should think about what this guy is giving you? he is treating you like dirt. If he really understood your need of him, he would not be doing these things. You are not his pray, he can use when he does not have anthything else. and its really not acceptable that he just leave you home, when you where supposed to come with.
think about the good and negative things this guy is giving you. is he worth it?

[devonbrown]

A trip to Europe and Amsterdam could be a dream trip to most people. As you said, you and your bf have been doing almost everything together for 6 years now. He may just want to enjoy hanging out with the guys. I know that often guys feel like they lose part of themselves when they start doing everything with a significant other. They need to feel that they are in control of their lives.

Whether the new friend is trying to break you up or not, you should talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. Not asking him not to go or giving him an ultimatum or anything as I am not sure it is at that point yet.

Do you trust your boyfriend? Do you think he has the strength of character to stand up to his friend? Because if not, there are bigger issues with your relationship to be concerned with.

Good luck.

[What is Love]

Thanks for the replies....

A trip to Europe and Amsterdam could be a dream trip to most people

It is a dream and it's a dream that we shared together, but now he is forgetting about that and just thinking about him and his friend!!!

He may just want to enjoy hanging out with the guys. I know that often guys feel like they lose part of themselves when they start doing everything with a significant other. They need to feel that they are in control of their lives.

I don't mind him hanging out with the guys, but to go and a holiday that we were supposed to do together before this friend arrived in our lives without me, just sucks ! And the thing is he is the one who is control of OUR lives, not just his...

you should talk to your boyfriend about how you feel.

I have told him and explained it in every way i possibly could, he says he understand but then 5 mins later he is talking about either the holiday of his friend, literally rubbing it in my face.

Not asking him not to go or giving him an ultimatum or anything as I am not sure it is at that point yet.

I have not told him he can't go or given him an ultimatum, as if I did this he would resent me. I have however told him how I feel and hinted at what I think is the right thing to do, which is to not go and for once put me first.

Do you trust your boyfriend? Do you think he has the strength of character to stand up to his friend?

He has never really done anything to break my trust, but deep down I have a feeling not to trust him. He has admitted that he will sleep with someone in Amsterdam if the opportunity arises (and considering his friend is paying for a girl for my BFs birthday present, Im pretty sure its gonna happen). No I dont think he can stand up to his friend. This guy snaps his fingers and my BF jumps. He left me waiting at work for 45 mins coz his friend asked him to go for drinks.

The friend is also planning on picking up some girls in the UK and letting them travel with them... If you get what I mean... He is all about sex, and drugs... my BF was never like that... This guy is changing my bf into someone i dont know...

This friend is moving to Amsterdam this year sometime, but I dont think it will make things better, if anything he is gonna want my BF to go visit more often...

I am so depressed and these feelings of rejection are really making me think about leaving him. I dont want to as I do love him, but I dont want this to be an ongoing thing where he forgets about me for his mates. I have NEVER done anything like this to him and I never would, it's just not right.

We have been talking about starting a family early next year, but im not sure we should if he is starting to act like this... a kid will make him more inclined to do these things...

What would you do in my position?

[IncognitoSir]

Ultimatum, his new boyfriend or his girlfriend. I feel for ya, Been there myself. Sounds like your bf is very naive and weak minded.......just like my ex. Allowing other to manipulate them and change their perception on things. Yeah, everybody thinks for themselves, but we all know, some people are very easy to convince.

[steviej]

My take on it - this new friend of your bf appears, and to your bf it seems like this guy has it made! He gets to do what he wants with the lads and his wife is laid back enough to not mind. No doubt the new friend exaggerates this a lot and your bf is thinking 'damn I don't get that kind of freedom!'
So, he's pushing the boundaries a bit. I think it's just a case of 'the grass is greener' he's been in a relationship a long time and thinks that he might be missing out a bit on fun with the boys.
Compromise, let him have his bloke time, but the holiday thing is one step to far. He's had that arranged with you first and he should stick to that.

[What is Love]

Thanks for all the advice, really appreciate it. I have spoken to my BF and he felt really bad and surprised me with a return ticket to Amsterdam. He will still on the boys holiday but we will have our own holiday there as well. I arrive just before the boys holiday ends so he will leave his mates and come join me... I am still not 100% happy about the boys holiday, but I feel that he has taken me into consideration... I have made it clear that this is the first and last time that he goes on a separate holiday and he understands.

Thanks again.

[Bonfire]

I hope I don't scare you here. But there are only two places I don't trust men to go without their ladies, Amsterdam and Thailand. I have a feeling this new friend of your bf will try and get him to go to the Red Light district, in case you don't know what that is, it's a famous place to get prostitutes. I hope your bf loves you enough and strong enough to resist temptations. Because that is what he'll be facing there. Tell him that you know all about Red Light District and he better not go there. I agree with IncognitoSir, if my girlfriend made a new friend that has questionable morals and bad influences on them... then I would give her an ultimatum that she can't be with her or else it's over. People should choose their friends wisely, having a fool around will only bring you to their level.