So ive been in a stable relationship for 5+ years now. We never fight, although we have discussions when we disagree from time to time. We get along well in most areas of life as well.
However, there has always been a gap between us when it comes to sexual things. Im a huge fan of intimacy while she gets along fine without it pretty much. No sex yet.
This sexual gap is starting to be a bigger issue for me. Not too long ago while away on a trip I met a girl that was much more in tune with me in the sexual aspect of things and slipped several times during that trip...I felt terrible and it kind of made me realize that i really did love my girlfriend greatly, but I never told her because she doesnt deserve to be hurt like that and it could ruin our stable relationship which as I said is pretty good in all areas other than sexual stuff. I figured I would take it as a lesson learned, feel bad, and move on.
Its worked pretty well and our relationship has remained great ever since. However, I had too much to drink the other night and ended up on skype with the girl I had slipped up with months earlier. While this time it wasnt quite as physical of a slip up, things took place that shouldnt have...so now I feel bad again.
Im starting to realize that without solving the issue with my girlfriend that this kind of stuff has a very real possibility of happening again. We talk about it and all, and she says she feels bad for not wanting to do more or to do stuff more often, but it never really changes. It may for a day or two but then it falls back to how it was pretty much. I think its just how she is and we cant change each other.
Another thing Ive noticed lately is she doesnt seem to make much of an effort anymore to "win me over" so to speak. When we first started dating, she made more efforts, but now that weve been together for so long it sort of feels like she doesnt try anymore. Maybe shes grown too comfortable in the relationship since its been very stable. Now unless its somethnig she wants to do, we dont do it. This ranges from little things up to bigger things such as sex ( ive been ready for quite some time but she isnt..so we havent had it yet).
So im at a dilemma...I bought an engagement ring recently and was very ready to propose. I do love her, and our relationship is nice for the most part. But at the same time I fear these issues will always be around or get worse, in which case proposing may not be the right thing to do. I dont knnow if things will get better sexually when we live together and are married. If so, then that may close the remainings gaps in our relationship. If not, however, then I fear I will be in an unhappy marriage 5 or 10 years from now and will be back posting to get advice on should I divorce or how to handle the fact Ive gone and had an affair or something....
The alternative would be to break up now I suppose before getting into that. But then I fear that may be a mistake. What if I end this relationship and cannot find one thats as good? Its kind of a big deal to break it off after so long, and its not that bad. The same issue of not trying as hard after being together for years would probably come up with many people and not be unique to this relationship, so that probably isnt a good reason to end this one...Sexually i could find a better match, but then all other areas of the relationship might not be as good. Not to mention im afraid of having to start all over again...Im still pretty young and this is the only real relationship ive really had.
So, any advice? Go forward with proposal since most things are ok and hope that marriage and living together will help fix the sexual gap? Call it off now because the sexual gap is causing some pretty big issues even though everything else appears ok?
I just dont know. I constantly go back and forth between being head over heels for this girl and planning the proposal and getting excited about spending the rest of my life with her, but at the same time there are some serious issues in the background and so I queston it.
I think some people will say we need to discuss these issues first, but depending on the level of detail involvd tat may mean telling her that I cheated on her, which she wouldnt handle well...especially since it wasnt just a one night thing that made me feel bad...it was a several night thing that made me feel bad while on the trip, and the more recent skype encounter..all the same girl, but obviously the first time didnt make me feel so bad that it never happened again...I kind of feel like living together and being marriaged MAY help it to never happen again so I will just live with what ive done but save her ( and relationship ) the pain...but if the root cause of the issue never gets solved then it may creep up again years into the marriage...