Greetings!
I have been with my girl for almost 4 years, I'm 25 she's 33. She likes to go out for drinks a lot and as we all know your worst fears can come to life when your woman is drunk, that is without you being present. When she drinks she transforms into an extremely emotional person, with a complete lack of rational, logical thought. I don't like going out as much so she frequently goes out with mutual friends / girlfriends.
2 years ago I caught her lying to me about something very serious. She disagrees about the seriousness of the matter, of course, but that was when I stopped having complete blind trust in her and started questioning everything.
She came home drunk after midnight, laid in bed with me, her phone started ringing but she didn't pick up. They called again and after a few rings she finally picks up, gets out of the room and proceeds to talk for almost half an hour. When she comes back I ask her who it was, she says a girl from work she was out with. I sense bs and the next day I ask her for that girls number so I can confirm. She changes the story and says it was some guy that I know of but never met with whom they've been friends for years. I said ok, let me call him. 5 minutes of silence precede the truth that she was out having drinks with a guy she does work for (he's married and lives in another city but visits often). Swears nothing happened and that she didn't tell me so that I didn't get jealous for no reason. Well.... that plan failed miserably.... The guy is a brilliant scientist and apparently a very cool dude. She's had drinks with him a few times before and always talked about how amazing he is. After spending all evening together what was left to be said on the phone for so long? She says he called he to see if she got home OK. OK I say...
So after all this she swears she will forever be truthful blablabla and then a few months later the exact same thing happens, only this time she turns off her phone and tells me it was X, they were out together and she didn't feel like talking to them. Again I know she's lying, I wait for her to go to sleep and I look at the phone. Voila! Same guy. I can't remember her reaction but I will guess it was the same as before.
Did she have sex with him? I will probably never know. All I know is that he likes her and I had to push really hard to have her confirm that. She says he never tried to kiss her.
So that's how the glass broke. Everything was perfect up until then, I was madly in love and would do anything for her without asking for anything back. Her happiness made me happy. She was the woman of my dreams. I trusted her without second thought. Needless to say, it's not like that anymore. This has been my longest relationship and I see now that this thing people call "love" or "in love" or whatever you may call it is a mindgame with an expiration date. Everyday friction and routine inevitably leads to that passion fading away. Honestly, I really care about her and I love her, but not quite as much as I used to.
So today comes and we have another incident on which I would really want your opinions. We made a few new friends last year through mutual friends and one of them is this guy. He's a cool guy and I like him, or did, until I realized he's interested in my girl. Or is he?
Last week we are to go out someplace but she says "We have to stop by X bar for a little bit or "Guy" will kill me." Uh, ok, that sounds intense. Let's go. We get there and stay there. The whole place is filled with people we know. During the night they end up having a couple of long personal conversations and since I am a guy too, watching his mannerisms while talking to her and the way he looked at her I ""know"" that he likes her. I just do.
On the way home I mention it casually as a given fact. "So I see X kinda likes you huh?" She says she has no clue and that she never got that impression. Now that's weird, cause I'm a pretty good reader of human interactions and I would testify that he is sexually interested in her. The signs were just too many for it to be a coincidence. Now this is a guy she's spent much more time with than I have, been to his house to watch movies (allegedly with other people too), been out for drinks with him etc. So my question is, assuming that she's telling the truth, how could I, a much younger male pick up on it from just observing their interactions for a few minutes.... and she, a woman with much more dating experience under her belt than me, can't after spending so much time with the guy? This is a serious breach of logical sequence, and when this happens I have a strong feeling I'm being lied to... very poorly so.
You can see that I am solely using logic here and do my best to discard my emotions as to have a clearer picture.
The next day I am on my laptop which we share, I go on facebook and her account is logged in. I don't do this often, but when I'm pretty confident something's up, I do invade her privacy to confirm my fears. This is her message history with this guy. Note that this is just the tip of the iceberg, a fraction of their interactions, as they have spent many hours together in person. Also, I'm pretty sure that they switched over to txting and calling after they exchanged numbers. Even after confronted with this she still denies any knowledge that the guy likes her and swears that she doesn't like him at all. After all, he was dating her friend. And listen to this... He always tells her she's not his type. Funny, that's what I used to say to girls I was trying to pick up.
All she had to say was "yes I think he likes me" and it would be over. I have no problem with that. But when you lie I know something's up. And it looks like she is following her familiar procedure of "lie until proven a liar".. So please give me your feedback, let me know if I'm over reacting or if I have the right to be worried. Is this sexual interest or not?
ps. note the dates.
ps2. A couple of months ago we had a big fight which led to her crying on the phone and saying that "she wants to cheat on me". The next night, at around 3 am I get a drunken txt "I almost cheated on you tonight and it felt good" Any women care to explain what "almost cheated" means in your language? Much obliged.
July 24, 2010
Guy
o It was nice seeing you tonight
July 25, 2010
Girl
o me too, had fun! if i don't see you, have a great time in X!
July 25, 2010
Guy
o Thanks.. I'm leaving tomorrow eve and will be back on Friday..
July 28, 2010
Girl
o Have a safe trip, see you when u get back. How come X? Where u going?
July 28, 2010
Guy
o I am in X for work.. I work for X
October 31, 2010
Guy
Your cute.. How are you??
October 31, 2010
Guy
Wtf Why aren't you sexting me back
October 31, 2010
Guy
o No your lame ... Ha
November 1, 2010
Girl
o how could i not sext u back, thanks so much for tonight - kisses!
November 1, 2010
Guy
o Hopefully I will see you tomorrow. now go to bed x
November 1, 2010
Guy
o How do you feel today? Did you get enough rest?
November 1, 2010
Girl
o Couldn't sleep last night it was so bad.... I'm at X just got some food and heading home to get some sleep. How was your day?
November 1, 2010
Guy
o I couldnt sleep either.. I am going to X now for dinner so stop by if you like otherwise. Sleep tight
November 1, 2010
Girl
o Need to get home...
November 1, 2010
Guy
o Cant sleep can you?
November 2, 2010
Girl
o Feeling great, slept for hours. I so needed it... you?
November 2, 2010
Guy
o Me too I slept great. It must have been because I went to the gym
November 2, 2010
Guy
o Nice seeing you tonight I can't sleep now
o My number Is XXXX whats yours?
November 2, 2010
Girl
o XXXX, call me! Hope u had fun, but not too much with out us
November 2, 2010
Guy
o I told you to come.. We had a nice dinner and I came back home now I cant sleep and am bored. You should play hookey tomorrow
November 2, 2010
Girl
o Shhh, don't be a bad influence I just started my new job!