Am I leading her on? Should I talk to her or just go with her flow?

[confusedguy86]

I'm seeing a girl whom I like to a certain extent. I have no serious feelings for her, she's not the type I look for in a serious relationship, and so I have no intentions of pursuing anything with her. However, I do enjoy hanging out with her and I am attracted to her physically and enjoy messing around with her.

We had started out as acquaintances who were both clearly attracted to one another. She initiated things with me and we became friends and would hang out once in a while. Then one day about 3 months ago things just kindof happened and we started making out with one another. Since then, we see each other here and there and the same thing happens.

We have never discussed the situation whatsoever as to what's going on between us. We just have our fun, and she enjoys it very much. I never said anything because I don't want anything serious with her but don't mind what's going on. I don't know why she's never tried to talk about it but I only see 2 possibilities: either she has the same state of mind as I do and is fine just with what's going on, or she may be under an unspoken assumption that we're in some kind of relationship. There is sufficient support for either possiblity.

I'm 24 and she's 23. Both of us are inexperienced and have shy personalities, though we have become comfortable with each other. I'm a virgin and pretty sure that she is either also one, or has had very little experience if any. Now it seems to me that I'm going to have the opportunity to have sex with her shortly, as her insinuations about it have gotten stronger and clearer.

This is where my conscience has started getting to me about what to do. On the one hand, I feel guilty about the possibility that she's more serious about us than I am and that I may be leading her on and using her. On the other hand, I'm a nice guy and that, along with my shy personality, is why I've never gotten this far with anyone before, and my lack of experience just re-inforces all that in a vicious circle.

So I have the option of taking this opportunity and just keep going and have sex with her and finally get rid of my insecurities in that area. Or I can hit the brakes and talk with her and set things straight first, and risk losing this chance that finally dropped on me like a gift. Part of me feels like I'm an asshole for possibly leading her on. But part of me feels like she also has a responsibility of bringing it up if she feels that she wants (or is assuming that we're in) some kind of relationship.

What should I do?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Well, if she's as inexperienced as you say she is then she may not be aware that she needs to voice her intentions and have you state yours, particularly if she's only looking for something serious. If you're attracted to her and you get along well, why isn't she long term material? I'd have to assume that if she's a virgin at 23, she's looking for something serious.

[girl68]

I do not think you should have sex! She may assume things are exclusive, she may just start calling you her bf. She may even proclaim her love for you. DO NOT DO IT. You must have a discussion very shortly about where this is going.

She very well could assume you're already her bf.

[devonbrown]

Yes, you need to have better communication with her and soon. I know you don't want to have a serious talk, but before it goes further, you really should make sure both of you are on the same page.

Good luck.