He broke up with but want to be friends

[bubabalo]

We were together for six months then he broke up with me 5 weeks ago.

The reason: He said he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now and he wasn't enjoying the relationship anymore.

He said he still loves and care about me and want me in his life so he wants to be friends. He answers my calls ans text messages. He was texting me all the time. He invites me to do things together. I said I needed a break to forget him and he agreed and didn't contacted me. When I contact him he says things like "I miss you", "I was thinking of you".

He also said he doesn't want anyone else right now and it isn't looking for a relationship.

Is he playing games and giving me false hope? Is he emotionaly disturbed?

[AirbenderAang]

He is a guy and most guys have a different perspective on things.

His perspective is exactly what he said. He cares about you like a really good friend, but he doesn't want you as a girlfriend. He misses you and all you gave him, but he doesn't want you as a girlfriend. If he did, he would have said so. What you need is to move on and this means NOT being his friend. Also if he ever changes his mind about wanting you as a girlfriend, you have to remember that he didn't value you very much as a girlfriend when he had you. You deserve not to be jerked around.

[bubabalo]

AirbenderAang I agree with you if he wanted me as a girlfriend he would have said so and I would not trust him again if he ever changes his mind. I still have feelings for him but it isn't the same after what he did. Something is broken forever.

But if he wants to be just friends why say things like "I miss you" or "I was thinking of you". He know I still have feelings for him and this can give me a false hope. He could just talk to me as a really good friend and do not say those things even though he wanted to say he could think that it would be apropriate right now since the break up is too recent.

[pisces25]

Hi bubabalo,

I am in a similar situation right now however we only broke up one week ago after 7 months together. For the first few days it was really hard for me to not contact him and tell him I missed him, was thinking of him, etc. Our relationship was fairly rocky from the beginning however we decided to see if we could work things out but we couldn't. Re your issue in my opinion he is telling you these things either because he genuinely does miss your company and is thinking of you (this can be done without someone wanting more. I feel the same way about my ex. I miss him and think of him but know at this point he can't be more to me) OR because he is just feeling like a bit of an ego stroke and by saying those things he will feel like you want him again, which makes him feel good about himself, that someone wants him. The fact is if he wanted you as his GF, you'd be his girlfriend.

My only advice and which I have now done myself is completely cut contact to give yourself time to heal. If you still know you have feelings for him having any kind of contact is preventing you from moving on. Without completely closing the door the hope will always remain. Close the door, accept it is over and move on. Politely tell him you can not have anything to do with him but maybe down the line you can introduce him back into your life, when you are ready. It is extremely hard not to contact them but it is something you must do. The system I use is writing down all the days in the month with a little box next to them and then at the end of each day before I sleep I tick off the box corresponding to the day I didn't contact him. In the beginning I even do it twice a day, a tick for getting through half the day and then a full tick at bedtime. Sounds silly but it works for me. You might find your own system. As each day passes and you get stronger you will be really proud of how many ticks you have and will realise it does get easier.

The reason this relationship didn't work is because there is someone else for you. You need to be in the best possible place emotionally for when this happens. Holding onto the past will only delay this process.

Good luck, I know what you are going through.

[bubabalo]

Hi pisces25. I totally agree with you, If he wanted me as his girfriend I would be because nothing would stop him.

I've been contactinh him less and less everyday Even during the beginning I wasn't contacting him a lot.
Yesterday I contacted him, but before that I spent 9 days without contact. It's getting easier and easir everyday. What is funny though is that for me NC gives me more hope that he will come back than when I contact him. When I contact him and see the difference between when he talks to me before the break up and after the break up it makes realize that it's really over. But I will stick to non contact because everyone says this is the best thing to do to move on.

I was doing something similar to you. I put in a calendar the days I contacted him and the days I didn't so I can keep track of it.

I agree with you that he could genuinely miss my comoany without want more but I still think he could not tell me that because he knows I still have feelings for him. Yesterday he said three times that he missed me in his texts, he should consider me and my sutiation, just be polite and don't say that. But anyway, I know that doesn't mean that he wants to be with me and that's what it matters.

[xxazurexx]

So you told him you wanted a break, but you will still contact him and he tells you he misses you.
If he missed you that much, he'd be contacting you.

Even though he said he wanted friends, it seems that you are putting all the effort into being friends.

Try NOT contacting and see what happens.

[bubabalo]

Before I asked him to do not contact me he was contacting me.
When I asked him to not contact me he didn't and that's a sign that it's easy for him not contact me and it's good for me to see this. It's good for me to move on.
When I contact him he answers me even though recently he haven't engaged so much in the conversation.

[Love&Life]

Hi bubabalo,

...
The reason this relationship didn't work is because there is someone else for you. You need to be in the best possible place emotionally for when this happens. Holding onto the past will only delay this process.

Good luck, I know what you are going through.

I like this thought...

But asking him not to contact you anymore, isn't this feeding his ego? Isn't this showing your vulnerablity? Because you let him know you need to heal from him...

And I have to admit (we broke up 2 weeks ago, before he moved to an other continent) having contact can be comforting as well...head says -no-, but the heart says: you're not a robot...
He emailed me for a recipe and I doubted awhile, but I decided to reply with a very 'clean' email.

[xxazurexx]

Before I asked him to do not contact me he was contacting me.
When I asked him to not contact me he didn't and that's a sign that it's easy for him not contact me and it's good for me to see this. It's good for me to move on.
When I contact him he answers me even though recently he haven't engaged so much in the conversation.

That is what I'm not getting.

You asked him to stop contacting you, yet you see fit to contact him...

If you had been serious about not wanting to hear from him, you wouldn't be contacting him!!

He says he misses you, yeah. But he won't know what it is like to 'really' miss you and unless you let him go and that means NO CONTACT at all.

He doesn't contact you and because he knows you do it all and expects to hear from you. You are too predictable and he's become used to it.

Which is why you should try NO CONTACT, sit back and see what happens.

[Love&Life]

B, has he been a good friend to you while you were with him? If so, maybe in the future you could be friends, for now it is out of the question.
My ex misbehaved himself terribly towards me and he wasn't friendly, let alone being a friend...so I have no reason to be friends with him. I am actually disgusted by him now I have some information about him & women in his past. But for now, he is too much a part of me. But I am working on taking more distance from him and in the end I will disconnect him from my life. Please remind me of what I say, when I still talk about him in a year...

[bubabalo]

Yes, I asked him to not contact me because and tried to not contact him but I failed and have contacted him. One of the reason I contacted him is because I was weak of course, I'm not perfect and I do miss him a lot. Another reason is because I don;t think he will change his mind and get back together. I think he is very sure about his decison and not contact him it would be for me to move on not for him miss me.

Whenever I contact him he answers me and says he miss me and invites me to do stuff together.

Yes, I think I am being too predictable and maybe I should change. Who knows? If he just want to be friends it doesn't really matter if I contact him or not.

I think if I never contact him anymore he will never contact me too. The furthertest I did with non contact was 8 days. I will try to do better than that next time.
Yesterday I contacted him because I had a bigissue with my boss and all I wanted was to talk to him and know there is someone there for me, even as a friend. Weakness of course, but oh well

[pisces25]

bubabalo,
My ex actually did this to me the other day, sent a txt moaning about his job and stuff. Then followed it up with 'sorry just had to rant'. It is a comfort thing to go straight to your ex to talk about such things. The thing is though if we get a sympathetic response from them we analyse this as them still caring for us and again that false hope creeps in. Next time you feel like you need to talk to him distract yourself. Go for a walk, ring a friend and rant to them, sit quietly with your thoughts until they pass, write them down, surf the net, etc. Anything but picking up the phone. Look at it as like quitting smoking. Once you have just one, you have to start all over. And remember the future is not written yet, anything can happen. Free yourself of him, use it as an opportunity to think about your life, what you want, where you want to head. Participate in some hobbies you have always wanted to, meet new people, volunteer, study something you are interested in. Turn this into a positive event in your life.
By the way 8 days is very impressive for NC, I don't consider that weak at all. That just shows you can do it.

Love&life - But for now, he is too much a part of me. But I am working on taking more distance from him and in the end I will disconnect him from my life. Please remind me of what I say, when I still talk about him in a year... - We will remind you

[bubabalo]

Thanks pisces25 for the input. I will do my best to do not contact him anymore.
The past two days I contacted him and I don't regret because it showed me that he didn't care about me anymore. I won't do NC ti get him back I will do for me to move on.
I like comparison of quite smoking a lot. I will keep that in mind. He is drug that I need to get rid of.

[bubabalo]

Since my last post here I haven't contacted him at all. 11 days of non contact today.
Today he sent me 2 text msgs: This morning a quote that he gets everyday on his phone and a joke someone might have sent to him.
I don't know if I should ignore or say something. I think I'm going to ignore.

[a19drift]

Yes. Ignore.

Only reply if he has something to say of consequence.