My boyfriend does not want me to dance burlesque

[redyellowgreen]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about a year. Just recently, I was asked to audition for a burlesque troupe which will be performing in a town about 45 minutes away from my home. I auditioned and loved it! Not only is the organizer of the troupe a neat chick, the troupe (and the idea) is a new one to the area. The costumes, performing, the confidence boost... all of it sounds like a good time to me and the other folks (men and women) who were asked to be part of the core troupe.

Here's the kicker: my boyfriend claims that burlesque is borderline "cheap" and "stripper-like". He's upset that I would be garnering too much attention from sleazy men. He's hurt that I don't find his sexuality fulfilling enough to keep my sensual side confined to his viewing only. He's aggravated that I would be taking time away from our lives, which he says I don't have enough time as it is already. He's even gone so far as to mention that I could gain a few stalkers.

I understand and sympathize with all of the concerns he has, I really do. I tried to put myself in his shoes. I admit I would be uncomfortable with the level of attention he would receive from females, because he is a very handsome and muscular man. Honestly, I doubt I would hold him back. I believe we should be tolerant of each other's paths and which ever path is necessary for happiness. I might not love it, but I'd say ok if it made him happy and he still came home to me every night.

Lastly, I feel like this is a slippery slope here. If I were to allow him to keep me from doing something I would like to do to satisfy my own creative expressions, will I be able to deny his future concerns with something else I wanted to do and with which he may disagree???

HELP! Guys, what do you think? Ladies, any advice? And if you are curious, I do have a college degree, have several professional licenses, and own my own successful business.

[girl68]

I think you need to ask yourself are you comfortable with what his reaction is going to be if you proceed? Or maybe you could compramise and say you'd really like to do it and are going to but you'll also ensure that you spend at least X amount of time with her per week (or day) to ensure he gets all his loving. Make it clear how much skin you will be showing and what you will absolutely not be showing. And how you intend to let any prospective male attention will be notified of your dating status. Hopefully by you laying out where your lines are he might be more accepting of your role.

To me it sounds wonderful and I would go for it.

[Bo]

Burlesque is pretty risque but i also know some coincide burlesque with feminism where it's more of a parody of stripping. Maybe you should have him come and watch.

And answer these questions, is this something you are willing to lose your relationship over?

Would you be comfortable with him going to a burlesque show by himself where you are not performing?

[VincenzoG91]

First, I would like to say that I find burlesque to be mildly sexy and slightly entertaining, based on recent experiences. I attended a couple of alternative fashion shows at my favorite nightclub in the last two months, and there was some supplementary entertainment that included burlesque, live bands, acrobats and deejays.

Is there any possible compromise? Like, can you figure out a way to "satisfy" your "creative expressions" without taking off most of your clothes? Since you have a college degree and several professional licenses, I bet you could figure out an alternative way to express yourself if you really wanted.

So is this really about "creative expression?" Or is it about something else? Are you becoming insecure about your appearance as you get older? Do you want more attention from random guys? Are you attempting to sabotage your relationship to avoid dealing with a more serious issue? Have you two had power struggles within the relationship before? It sounds like you want to do whatever you want to do, and that you feel that your guy's opinion shouldn't count. That's not a very friendly stance to take, so you can expect some resentment. Are you willing to end the relationship over this? If so, why is burlesque so important to you? Give a stronger reason than "creative expression" if possible, because there are many other endeavors that involve more creativity than burlesque, like writing or painting.

[redyellowgreen]

I would be ok with him going to a show without me. I don't think he's been to one before so it might help him to appreciate the art form.

I'm not willing to lose my relationship over burlesque, but I am also not willing to push aside myself for a relationship. I used to perform all kinds of dance, starting at a young age, and I love the expressive nature of dancing. If I can combine expression with education, I'm all for it

[redyellowgreen]

VincenzoG, I'm 26, so the aging gracefully hasn't really entered my mind quite yet

I agree that I could probably find something else to occupy my time. Yes, we have had power struggles before, but we seem to find the struggles almost laughable. I appreciate your comments. You;ve given me lots to think about.

[bloodtippedrose]

Holy hell really? I would be so proud of my gf if she was sexy, playful and talented enough to be part of a burlesque group. Has he seen the costumes? they're silly, and its not like you strip all the way down. I think he should be more open-minded and proud of you instead of hold you back from something that makes you truly happy -_-

If my bf was shaking it in front of chicks I would be look around the room and think "yeah i know he's sexy.. Im totally tapping that..." I think him stopping you stems from jealousy and jealousy stems from trust issues. You should have a talk with him about the REAL reasons he doesnt want you in this theatre group.


How I came to love burlesque, Right here:

[VincenzoG91]

I like watching burlesque, but I would dislike dudes watching my girlfriend perform burlesque. That's hypothetical, really, my ex was only into ballet, and none of my previous ex-girlfriends did any kind of serious dancing.

[Looq]

Burlesque can be risque. I would say his reaction would be normal for some, although I disagree with what he said. Conversation is always key, have a nice calm on, make sure you both stay in control. Make sure both your feelings are clear. I would give him a chance to come to terms with it, it may just be an initial bad reaction. Maybe even get him to come see you, what you do, and the reactions you get from other men.

If he doesn't change after a while then you need to make a decision. Stick with it, and risk him leaving, or give it up for him. I would recommend the former over the latter for the very reasons you gave.

It's not much but I hope that helps.

[Looq]

Holy hell really? I would be so proud of my gf if she was sexy, playful and talented enough to be part of a burlesque group. Has he seen the costumes? they're silly, and its not like you strip all the way down. I think he should be more open-minded and proud of you instead of hold you back from something that makes you truly happy -_-

If my bf was shaking it in front of chicks I would be look around the room and think "yeah i know he's sexy.. Im totally tapping that..." I think him stopping you stems from jealousy and jealousy stems from trust issues. You should have a talk with him about the REAL reasons he doesnt want you in this theatre group.


How I came to love burlesque, Right here:

That is the most brilliant thing I have ever seen...

[Bo]

Well if it's a deal breaker for him, i would reconsider. If he's just going to be pissed off and then get over it, i'd say go for it.

It sounds like doesn't understand what burlesque is really about, so you should pull some information up on it for him and maybe compromise for a more covered up costume?

I know the most burlesque show girls show are the boobs with the little tassels...lol

[Janet82]

My husband likes to watch burlesque, but.......he also admit that he wouldn't be comfortable to see me perform in burlesque.

[Horseyguy]

If it was a deal breaker for him I'd reconsider the relationship. It's controlling behaviour and if you fold on this next time you want to do something that makes you happy that he doesn't like, you will be expected to fold again.

I could understand it if you were talking about working at a strip club but you are talking about a concert. One night, in what appears to be a well organised performance.

This is all because he's feeling insecure, he should deal with it. If my partner said to me she was going to perform at a burlesque show I'd be wanting front row tickets and I'd be the proudest guy there.

[Bo]

I wouldn't want my guy half naked swinging his shlong around though.

Just sayin.