Is this part of me, or a problem I should work on?

[ejackson88]

So first, this is perhaps the wrong forum, but after a recent relationship didn't pan out I've been doing a lot of personal reflection, and found something interesting I would like feedback on. Wasn't sure what category to make it, so sorry if I chose wrongly.

I want to start by making clear where im posting this from, I am happy, I'm not depressed post-relationship tearing myself down or beating myself up about things. I actually just really find the psychology behind the way I feel and what I think that means truly fascinating. So it's really just a wonder of whether this is a normal reaction thats just part of what makes me me and what I need in life or if it is a potential issue I should work on the change this behavior.

Sadly, that whole set up is probably longer than my question Bare bones version, is I find that I date needy women, something about them coming to me when they are in a time of need gives me what I need. I struggle to define what "it" is that I need that I get from that, I don't know if its confidence, worth, assures me im good enough for them, assures me of the way they feel about me, its hard to point out exactly WHY I feel like I need that. This last relationship, the girl was very independent and not needy at all, and there was a noticable change in the way I perceived the relationship because of that. I often felt like I wasn't good enough to be with this girl, and I think it's because she wasn't ever really needy and it kind of left me feeling like if I just wasn't even here anymore, how would it even matter?

That being said, it was a great relationship that I was in. This issue didn't spoil the realtionship or drag it down, but it definitely was something I was aware of during, but we had good times, things ended in an amicable fashion and we are on great terms now.

So my question is, clearly I am capable of being in a great, happy relationship without having that, so is it ok to be prone to dating someone who is needy (obvious exception being extreme cases) or does it show a character flaw that I should consider working on, and not let something so trivial, be a large part of where I base how someone feels about me?

Thanks to all who take the time to read, and to those who post, I know im long-winded for many here, I apologize

[steviej]

To me it shows you have low self esteem, and you are 'needy' yourself. You need that constant reassurance because you lack self confidence and it makes you feel better to know they are the same if not worse.
Dating the confident girl pushed you out of your comfort zone, you have to rely on trust and communication instead of the usual smothering of constant reassurance, texts, phone calls etc.

In my experience the 'needy' relationships failed because once they'd got their own confidence back they no longer needed me as a crutch to help them, and it unravelled very quickly. Could well have involved other emotional instabilities though, as things are rarely that simple.