Am I doing something wrong?

[jrtjk]

My girlfriend and I recently had an argument in which she insisted that I made her feel as if she felt like nothing and was never good enough for me. This argument started with me suggesting she should read the papers more to gain a wider knowledge of the world around her. She snaps back by saying she is too occupied to read and when she does have free time she watches movies anyway in which she claims to learn enough from movies to not warrant reading. It escalates to the point where she claims that in past when I've told her to try be healthier and to stop consuming so much alcohol, I was restricting her freedom and happiness. So I'm confused and I guess I'm here because I'm seeking a second opinion on this. Am I doing something wrong by encouraging her to be healthier with her food and drink choices and to be more knowledgeable by reading? She argues that it is not her. It is not who she is. And that I'm trying to shape her into being someone shes not while acting like a parent to her which she doesn't need me to be. I argue that those are just bad habits and unlike a personality in which you grow with, bad habits can always be changed for the better. So here am I confused and wondering now if I really am asking too much of her or if my suggestions to her really are all that excessive. Am I acting like a parent? Should a boyfriend only be there for her to support her but not encourage her to do things that would benefit her both short and long term?

I guess this opinion just gives my perspective hence the likelihood of a biased account. To be fair, shes felt that all her life nothing she ever did was good enough for her parents and that it was always her sibling who gained the most attention and praise from her parents.

[bluesummer]

Telling her to read the newspaper so she is more knowledgeable about the world basically sounds like: "I think you're stupid." It says you think she doesn't pay attention to the world around her and that you are irritated by her lack of intelligence. Honestly, a comment like that would infuriate me.

Your job as a bf is not to suggest how to make herself a 'better person' in your definition. It comes up short of saying you think she's lacking in certain areas. How would you feel if she said you should consider working out, or maybe you should read some books on communication so you are better versed in talking to people?

[jrtjk]

actually that would be correct. i guess now that you say it, i am sorta irritated by her lack of intelligence. i know its wrong of me because i should love her for her but when i show her interesting articles she tells me things like "ugh more reading?"..maybe it came out wrong and maybe she does feel as if I'm making her feel "stupid" but I guess I'm tired of having to do things like correct her assignments, work related notes and the limits of our possible topics of conversation. Is this only going to keep driving us apart? Is there something I can do? For this to work should I just keep quiet and put up with it even though I know I'm unsatisfied?

[steviej]

You have to accept her for who she is. Trying to change someone to suit yourself (despite telling yourself its for her benefit) will not work, she has to want to make those improvements herself.

If you're just not compatible in enough ways to satisfy you, she may not be the one for you.