I don't know where to go from here.

[confusius]

I met this girl our freshmen year in college. I met through friends, but we were not friends or anything until she came up to me one day and we started talking. We were going to a party with other friends. We spent the night together partying. She was all over me. We saw each other several times after that when hanging out with friends. One night I invited her over my place to watch a movie and ended up sleeping in my room. Since that day we started sleeping together. She had two boyfriends at the time and broke up with them to be with me. However, instead of going no contact, for at least a period of time, she was still going to talk to them even when I was around. I did not want her to be mean to them, I just wanted her to cut back for while.

She broke up with me almost two months ago, and she already has a new boyfriend(3 weeks after the break up). Her reasons for leaving me she said she could not take it anymore. We got to the point that we were going to ague a lot. Mostly because I didn't like her talking too much to her exes. I told her I did not like it. She did do something about it, but sometimes I felt like she did not wanted to let them go for some reason. She even went to spend Christmas day with one of her exes and his family. I wasn't very happy about it.

Well we were good together. I treated her well for the most part and she said that I was almost perfect and I was her angel(I always says I saved her from the person she was to about to become---a slut, as she puts it. She cheated on her boyfriends when she got her for college.). She just didn't like when i get mad because it was going to get nasty. I am the quiet type of persons, but when I have things to say I don't hold them back. We were really good together. We kicked it off really quick. Couple months after we started dating we spent thanksgivings with my family. But this thing with her exes with still going on. Even the mother and the sister of one of her exes will text her and say stuffs like you are still going to get back with my son no matter what.

We made tones of plans for the future. She made me happy and I made her happy(trust me I did. She told me. I asked. And I was the most caring and loving person I have ever been.) She even brought her up the idea of getting married and I went for it. I LOVED her and I still do there is no doubt. But now everything is gone. I tried everything, apparently I made all the wrong moves possible. I begged, cried, promised to her that I was going to change, cried, begged,stood on my knees, almost everyday for weeks. I have been kind of all over her for the past two months. Things are hard for me because we live in the same apartment on campus. It felt so good to move in with her and couple of her sorority sisters. Lol i'm the only guy in the suite. Well this place became the worse place to be for me right now.

Before the break up we decided to take a break after our last fight over something really stupid. We only spent one day apart then she came back. She said she couldn't do it. We were together for couple more days, but she was different(MISTAKE: I kept telling her that she was different and that I want the old girl back.). At the beginning of our breakup I made all the wrong moves possible. She would sometimes tell me that she misses me when I would say I miss her. She was always going to initiate contact, but my emotions were always going to get on the way and everytime I would end up begging her to come back. Something she didn't like, and I couldn't help it. She started partying every weekend and it would hurt me to know that she is out there and I would call her and beg. NOTHING. She would say not now. And things like she needs to figure out who she is and that is not entirely my fault. She was going to call me to hang out, or to grab some food as in the old days but it was to painful for me. I told her this once, and she stopped calling me. We were going to meet in the hall of the apartment sometimes and exchange salutations. She will creep on me sometimes by listening through my door, or just randomly knock on my door just to say "Hey!" or she will text me at 2am to ask for some headphones. I don't know what of that mean, but it always made me wanting to beg her to come back.

Our situation has affected both of us. She failed some of her classes, and I C's all of mine last term. Worse thing that ever happened in my academic career. It hurts when I see her new boyfriend in the apartment sometimes. I have the feeling that pushed her away with my cryings. Even recently I talked to her and she still says that it will take time for us to get back together, or she will say not now, or that she wants to have fun.

We started talking a little bit more. Last Sunday I told her I wanted to hang out. When she got back in the apartment she texted me to let me know that she was back. We spent time together talking about random stuffs. She was defensive at first, but then she got more relax. It was hard not to beg again but I didn't, but she knows that I still have feelings for her. We both agreed to try to hang out more often. We will be having dinner together this Wednesday. I don't know how this will go, but I really want to use this technique to get through this semester. I want to go on no contact this summer for to completely heal and to give her some space.

I know it may not change anything at this point to go on no contact. I really think I spoiled a lot of my chances of getting her back already. But I still want to see how things go. She said several times that she is not going to chance her mind overnight and that it will take time. She even told my sister that we will see how everything we go.

I don't want to get my hopes up, but anyway I look forward for this summer to completely heal, and we will see from there.



"Hey sexy beast!!"- How she used to call me oh well. Maybe time to find anyone to call me that way.

[DarkHelmet82]

She made me happy and I made her happy (

There is your problem... Nobody can make you happy but yourself.

[Kevin K]

it sounds like she had the power in the relationship.

you moved in with her and her sorority sisters? usually the girl moves in to the guys place. in any case, thats sorta irrelevant. what is relevant is the fact that you're still living with her and all her friends while she's out having fun and enjoying her life as a single woman without you. why do this to yourself? you can't get over the person if you live with them and keep in contact with them. then again, it doesn't seem like you want to get over her. seems like you want to get her back, as you've already tried dozens of times. as you know, this makes you seem desperate and pushes her away even further. its unattractive and you need to cut it out if you ever want to stand a chance at getting back with her.

i've been in a very similar situation to you. we thought wed give us the summer apart to heal, she was going back home to hawaii, we thought we just needed some time apart. she said she needed to find herself, etc. all that is just an excuse. what happened is that she no longer feels attracted to you. what the guy said above is part of the problem. a part of you relied on her for your happiness, that is why you are devastated without her. i recommend that you quit while youre ahead and cut your losses instead of being emotionally invested all this time and living your summer with the hope of getting back together. you guys are going to grow apart. you already have. its inevitable. stop dragging out your pain and accept that it's over. that's just my 2 cents at least. feel free to keep trying to get her back, its just never worked for me.

[confusius]

I will admit that the HUGE problem was to be dependent on her. We both were, and I now realized that it was a BIG mistake. I will admit that for now I'm still attached to her. But I know with time things will get better. I use to be more devastated than this, but I am getting better with time.

This was a great experience for me. I have never been through anything like this before. I personally think I screwed up my chances of getting back with her by telling her everything about my life at this point. She is not longer attracted to me? I can see that. But that's her lost because I will become more of a sexy beast . Well I have to cheer up it's my right.

Oh! we live in a campus apartment and not in a sorority house. They needed one more person to get in the apartment they wanted and they asked if I wanted to fill in the hole and I accepted. It was a good deal for me and for them because otherwise I was going to end up in a shitty campus house. I was the power in the relationship. Maybe a little too much, but it doesn't matter anymore. She moved in my place freshmen year. That was crazy because I had a roommate. Luckily my roommate didn't mind.

For all women out there (or maybe some). S*****t you guys have stonehearts lmao just saying(my sister couldn't stop laughing at this). Everything I said or done couldn't get through her. AFTER everything we planned? AND I HAVE DONE A LOT. I won't look back and regret anything because I TRIED. NO ONE is perfect. I'm not and she surely wasn't. AND many couples argue a lot.

[confusius]

I guess this whole this about breakups is more about figuring out the best solution for yourself. You are almost the only person to know how your ex think. Well at least in the most part.

Despite the fact that people advised me to go no contact with my ex, I would still end up talking to her and begging her to take me back. When I would go to the no contact rule I would have a lot more pain when I would see her around. I decided to that it was best for me to keep talking to her sometimes, and hang out sometimes, until we are both off for summer. I will admit it's not easy to be around and not begging her to come back, but by talking to her somehow helps me focus more on my studies. And surprisingly it looks like it helps me moving on too.

I feel less depress, and I am more happy. Is it the fact that I talk to her? Hmm! anyway we both know where we stand now. She knows I still love her, and she gave me the usual answer: "I don't want to come back. At least not now. I just want to have fun" Do I still care much about it? I don't think so. Now I also want to have fun. But still want that future I planed with her.

She did say she wants to be friend, and she said she knows I want her back. But she doesn't want me to just be friend with her because I want her back. She wants us to learn more about each other, especially since we never started as friends and we both probably have changed because of everything we have been through.
"Let's be friends and see what happens. I just want you to know that we may not get back together" she said.
"Why are you like that? Why are you pessimist?" I said.
"I'm not saying that we are not going to get back together. I'm saying that it may just not happened." she replied.

Hmm! anyway we both agreed to give each other some REAL space this summer. No matter what will happen, I look forward to coming back in shape for next school year.


PS: I love you, and I think I will love you for the rest of my live. Thanks for the experience. I really wish we could use what we learned to build something stronger than what we had. I appreciate the fact that you said I was your world. You were mine too.

Note: NEVER spend too much time with your girlfriend(live together) when you are both young, in college. We both agreed that it contributed to our breakup. We were always on top of each other.

[Pakistani]

just follow your heart