The Art of the Shun

[seganomics]

So I’ve had this happen a few times so I wanted to know from a guy’s perspective.

A couple of weeks ago a guy friend and I had a tiff and he told me to leave him alone. Looking back now it wasn’t that big of a deal… like… I didn’t kill his dog or anything… just a regular I’m grumpy and you’re grumpy and that caused a grump explosion. After a few days I was no longer upset about the situation and I assumed he would have cooled off by now too. This all happened before this big stressful event he was working on. I thought after the event passed I’d get an email or call and we’d apologize for snapping at each other and happy fun times would ensure once more.

It’s been two weeks and I still haven’t heard from him. I don’t want to poke the bear if he’s still really angry, but I have had a few situations where I actively didn’t contact someone only to find out they forgot they even “shunned” me.

It sucks I haven’t talked to him in two weeks, but it sucks even more to feel like he’s still so mad at me that he’s not over it after two weeks. I take this kind of stuff to heart. I’m not debilitated or anything. I’m still kicking asses and taking names, but I’m still aware the last thing he said to me was “Leave me Alone” and it’s a bummer, because what if all this while he completely forgot about it and we could ensuing in shenanigans once more.

So I guess my question is… as a guy… do you remember that kind of stuff? Do you remember if you’ve told someone to back off or leave you alone when you’re a grump monster? And if so do you reach out first after the dust has settled, or do you just get over it and assume the other person will contact you whenever? How long should I hang back before it’s safe to send a “How are things?”

[MrE]

Last time this happened to me, I went the humor route. We bumped into each other again at some point, I said "Hey man, I really need to talk to you about something.". I pulled him aside, but my hand on his shoulder and tried to look as serious as possible, looked into his eyes and said - "I think... I think... I think I love you.", I couldn't steady my face anymore and we both started laughing so hard we completely got over it.

Your mileage may differ.

[seganomics]

hmmm I imagine the humor route would work but probably not that particular situtation. There are feelings floating around in a sea of bad timing so love proclaimations would probably add for more awkward silence.

this whole debacle started because he didn't know i was joking. So maybe humor needs to sit the next couple of plays out.

[Anturo]

Honestly it depends on the man.

Some are vengeful and wait and hold grudges worse than women.

Then some (Like me and those I associate with most) have forgotten about it the next day or at least by the end of the "stressful event"

But if we thought we were right (Which is almost always) we tend to wait for you to make contact with us again.

[seganomics]

That's funny because I've been waiting partly because I think I was right and an apology would be nice.

But maybe it's time to just get over it because I'd rather have a friend than an apology.

[Anturo]

That and if you are just "friends" then there will not be an apology.

Especially if he thought he was in the "right".

Just call him with some plans and get back to the "shenanigans".

[seganomics]

Good News!

I finally sent him an "we cool?" email and all is good in the universe again.

And I did get that apology.

May the shenanigans ensue!

[2moraNeverKnows]

good for you
he could;ve never get back in touch..
this isn't typical i know but just goes to show how stubborn we can be about this stuff - - - a friend of mine had a massive showdown with his GF 2 weeks into their travelling in the middle of Bangkok.. he just turned, walked away and left her there screaming at him, cabbed it to the the airport & went to Cambodia early. Never met up with/spoke to her again until they met at a mutual friends wedding a few years later (this was pre social network days), where they both (now with new partners) laughed it off over a drink!