I'm married and falling for a married man..

[zanzibar]

I have a wonderful husband. We have a great relationship, are very happy together and have a very lovely life together.

About a year ago I met someone through my work. We had a mutual, instant connection on a very deep level when we first met. I now work with this person very often, so we have become closer friends. We are cut from the same cloth, we have exceptionally interesting, inspiring, and thoughtful conversations. There have been NO physical interactions and little verbal acknowledgement of our attraction.

We have briefly and vaguely discussed our connection. We both know it is there but are being careful not to cross the (emotional) "cheating" line. I would not consider our relationship to be in any way cheating at this time. We have become very close friends.

But, we are falling for each other. We have not talked about it, but we both "know." I feel so torn. I love my husband, and this other man has a wife and children. Neither of us are willing to leave our current relationship. Neither of us are willing to cheat. But we are inexplicably and significantly connected in some way and it is causing a lot of stress for me in my personal life. As though I am missing something in my relationship with my husband, and didn't realize it until I began to know this other person better.

I just feel that I am more deeply connected to this person than I could ever be to my own husband, which is profoundly disconcerting to me.

I'm not sure why I'm posting. Perhaps others have similar stories? What did you do? Does anyone have advice on how to handle this? I feel that this will continue to haunt me, and can't imagine a resolution to it.

I absolutely do not want to cut him out of my life. I have never met someone that I connect to on this level, friends and lovers alike. I consider him a very dear friend. I feel that we are "soul mates" of sorts (although I have never really believed in this idea before).

Any advice or empathy appreciated. I am just struggling with these emotions at the moment and looking to know that I;m not alone.

[girl68]

I think you know this advice is coming and I know you don't want to hear it.

If you truely believe that you will not leave your husband for this guy then you need to distance yourself before you're toally whole heartedly in love with this man and you know that's exactly where you headed if you keep this up. I also strongly disagree that you're not emotionally cheating. I believe you are, you have significant feelings for this man that are far beyond "friendly" in all defintions.

If you stand a chance in keeping this not a full blown love (emotional) affair cut it out right now. Yea it'll be hard, yea it sucks and yes you have to. And the fact that you will have such a very diffuclt time with cutting it off is becasue it IS more than just friends.

[Ryan Heitzman]

This whole title in my opinion makes me feel wierd. I don't really like this situation one bit.

[RdHrshyKss]

^^double what girl said.

if you won't leave your husband, then you need to cut contact/distance yourself. you obviously can't be "just friends"...there are too many feelings/emotions involved, it's just not possible.

even if you would consider divorcing your husband, will this guy divorce his wife? there are kids involved! nothing good can come out of this, i'm sorry!

[Regnent]

You're being greedy.
Decide, you're either going to cheat, leave your hubby, or neither.
If you want to leave or cheat, then carry on, and keep contact with this man.
If you do not want to leave your hubby, you need to break contact with this person.

Make up your mind woman, and remember you already made a commitment to someone, who you say is a good person.

[Ryan Heitzman]

What? How can somebody suggest cheating for this woman? That is soo wrong to cheat on your huband. I'm speechless.

[girl68]

No one has suggested cheating. Laying out her options is not suggesting she go ahead and cheat.

[Ryan Heitzman]

Oh. nevermind. I was just really dumbfounded, if that's the right word, at that if anyojne would suggest to ever cheat on their spuose. That would've really made me upset and angry really.

[devonbrown]

I have several thoughts on this post, so let me just bullet-point them.

- You can not control who you start to develop feelings for, but it is under your control what you do with those feelings.
- If you feel like something is missing with your husband, figure out what that is and find a way to correct it in your marriage.
- Since you aren't dating this new man, there is a great possibility that a lot of what you are feeling is the initial attraction to someone who is attracted to you.
- I agree with the responses above that you have probably crossed the emotional cheating line, which is probably why you posted in the first place.
- There is nothing wrong with having friends. As long as you keep it as simply friends.
- If you are not going to cheat and he is not going to cheat, and if neither of you are leaving your spouses, then you don't have anything to worry about.
- The time and effort you put into thinking about this new guy might be better served in thinking about your marriage and what could be done to make it better.
- "New" does not equal "better."
- I understand your confusion and stress about this situation though. But you really have to understand that you are the one in control of what you do.

Good luck.

[red_sparrow]

i would say, control this. don't do anything about it. limit contact with this man. remember: the grass is always greener on the other side. just look at all of the things you love about your husband, and focus on that. maybe you have this 'deep' connection with this man, but this doesn't mean you cannot change the way you think.

[VincenzoG91]

Judging from your words, there is nothing wrong with your marriage. So just stop this worthless infatuation now, before you ruin the lives of at least a half dozen people.

If there was something wrong with your marriage, you could look into counseling or even divorce. Once the marriage is over, you can reasonably pursue other men.

But if you cheat, you and your fellow cheater will never be able to fully trust each other, because you would both know that you are cheaters. Without trust, you can't have love.

[Kama]

It seems there is a bodily communication between you two. Of course there is an ethical bar or blockage and that stops both of you making advances emotionally and physically. Body language is there between you and that speaks more than your verbal communications. Had I been in your place I would have listened to my body language and act accordingly.

You are a married woman but that does not mean that you are a commodity that can be possessed by anybody for good.

In your case all I feel is you want a romantic gratification and that got you closer and closer.

But you cannot be emotionally tied with two persons at the same time. You cannot have greater emotional connections with anybody than with your own family. But you maybe sexually attracted to anybody.

All you can do is enjoy one night stand and leave all else. Do not build a relationship with him. That will be hazardous both to your family and his. He wants sex and you too, to speak the truth and do not connect any stories to this and gratify that urge sexually and leave there

Sex is a game and do it and do not connect it with emotional quotients and attachments. That may ruin two families.

I do not think that man will leave you until he gets your coitus. Let me have your pussy to lick and you too will enjoy this greatly and the matter will be over with that act and you can continue your fabulous relationship with your caring husband.
If you do not do this you cannot keep him away from the imagination even if making love to your husband.;

[DoesntMatter]

we have exceptionally interesting, inspiring, and thoughtful conversations.

So what you're saying is you fell for a math professor

[MrE]

Let's put it this way -

If you stay with your husband and you leave this man be, you are hurting him and yourself a little bit.

If you cheat, and don't tell your husband, you will live a life of guilt knowing you cheated on your husband. Your worker buddy will live a life of guilt and his wife may find out, which could destroy you, him and his family.

If you cheat and confess you will ruin your family, your work buddy will either live a life of guilt, or confess and destroy his family.

Worst case, if you decide to leave your families for each other, then you will both live lives of guilt, and both destroy both of your families.

Seems pretty obvious to me. Leave this alone, don't mess with this. Change jobs if you can, even - if it's really that bad.

EDIT: For some reason I thought you said you had kids as well.

[MrE]

He might seem like your Prince Charming now, but what happens if you cheat on your FAMILY, leave, go with this guy and it turns out to not be what you thought? There is only one safe resolution to this and it's to not play with fire. Stay away from this as far as you can, at worst you'll feel bad, like a lost crush. But that feeling is far better than the guilt you will feel if you cheat on your family. DO NOT - DO NOT let this get any further. That road is only full of regret and guilt and you know this.

EDIT: For some reason I thought you said you had kids as well.