Sometimes I don't understand

[BusyBee]

Hey everybody.

I need some objective advice.

As a teeny I was never a really pretty girl, I had a nice face but due to family issues I was comfort eating until one day I decided that was enough and through dieting and sports, I lost 70 pounds and came to my current weight of 118 pounds (I'm 5F8)
I decided to go travelling round and studying round whilst working on the side for 6 years and finally settled back in my home country as my little brother who had a serious accident needed me.

Since then I've been building up my life, bought a house, have a good job and am getting on greta with my colleagues. Only thing not working, men. Now, either they find me attrative and when they see I'm not into jumping into bed with them straight away they loose interest or if I actually find somebody who is interested in me as a person, it just doesn't come to anything.

I have quite a full life, I have to say, I'm renovating my old farm all by myself and I tend to work late hours but when I am interested in somebody, I do slow down and try and spend time with that person just seems like I'm too much to take in and I scare people away.

[Looq]

I'd like to see some of the other replies to this, because unless there's something you're not telling us you sound great, I'd date you. =P The only thing I can think of is that either your are chasing the wrong type of man, or maybe it's something your doing? When "it just doesn't come to anything" what happens? Does it just fizzle out, or...?

[BusyBee]

It's not like I never had a serious relationship, I was with my ex for 6 years and at first nothing to complain about but then he just started complaining, we'd met at uni and he started working full-time only after that, he wasn't happy about working and found work terrible and wanted to go back to being a student. I tried to support him, helped him find another job, but after about 4 months, he started drinking saying that he hated it, so we had a long discussion about what he wanted as a job. He searched for a job where he wouldn't be so tired and where the hours wouldn't be so bad but couldn't really describe what he wanted. We ended up splitting with him going back to his mum as he was pulling me down with him.

I think what I mean by scare them is the fact that I'm pretty independant, I don't need a man to sustain me, I have my job, I get paid, what I'm searching fro is somebody with whom to talk, to exchange ideas, to do things, with whom to enjoy little things like a walk or a night out, you see the type.

What I noticed with my last boyfriend is that although at first he seemed interested in me, but I have come to realize that it's more the fact that he likes other blokes to envy him for his girlfriend, he has even openly said that. I have to admit that it puts a strain on the realtionship when you get told that.

[Looq]

Well from what you've said it seems to me that the problem doesn't lay with you, it doesn't even lay with the men you've dated, but rather just a mismatch. You looking for a particular type of man. The only thing you can do is keep looking and don't let it get you down if you don't find him straight away. I would recommend discussing with your next boyfriend what your are looking for and your past experiences early on. That way you don't enter into a long-term relationship with a type of man that not right for you.

[BusyBee]

Well, that is exactly it, I've been careful and though, right I'll just get along with my life and if I happen to meet somebody fine if not well fine as well. I can keep myself busy and I have friends and family.

I was wondering if I gave the wrong image? I do dress rather sexy, well never over the top and always buisness like sexy as I have my career to protect, I have often been told by blokes that they thought I was a one night stand kind of girl and that they were schocked when they discovered I wasn't and when I turned them down.

[98db]

I should be looking for a sexy, independent girl like you. Unfortunately, I tend to gravitate to the needy girls with emotional and mental issues

Don't know how old you are, but you might try changing where you meet guys at. I am trying to stay away from college bars and downtown clubs after 11pm because that just seems to always be bad news for me.

[leoben]

Being fat as a kid and not getting any attention can make dating difficult when you grow up and get into shape. You can carry some insecurities along and start requiring an extra effort from partners to prove they are not just into you for your body. Usually when a guy says you're the hottest girlfriend in his social circle and he's proud of it thats taken as a compliment!

I think Looq is right. Guys that can match up with your level of attractiveness, know how to be the kind of sensitive you need and also can deal with not feeling needed all the time since you are independent are probably hard to find. They exist though.

[BusyBee]

Thanks for the answers.

I'm 33, so it's mostly professional places where I meet guys. I organsie a lot of events in different places and get aks out for a drink or a meal.

I think I'll just stay single for a while.

[leoben]

Too bad, you do seem like a really good catch.

[BusyBee]

Thanks that's sweet of you.